CHAPTER 34

       Tiffany vomited for the fourth times after all, earning a worry look from both Yuri and Sica although the surgeon already informed them that it was normal and predictable. It was caused by the effect of general anesthesia, so it was, once again, very very normal and left nothing to worry about; however actually it was not the only thing they were concerning on. There’s one bigger thing left to be worried for. Yes. And yes. You already known it, huh?

        The couple hoped Tiffany didn’t bring the topic up too early. At least not this early. Not as early as this, with her vulnerable condition, post surgery, like this. Moreover, the couple wasn’t ready to explain as well, about the leaving thing. They had no idea how to tell Fanny, nor how to make up some story to make it sounded make sense. The fact was Taeyeon left. Already left. That’s all the things they supposed to say. The truth. Because they knew, like the quote said, that she preferred to hurt by the truth instead of getting comfort by a lie. In other word, she would never give any compromise with the word called as “white lies”.

       Tiffany still felt weak. Her vision was still blurry and even for letting out some words she needed to make some extra effort; however somehow there was someone still wandering inside her mind. The one and only. And what made her slightly disappointed was the fact that the one didn’t appear once she opened up her eyes. There was no sign of her. No sign of her presence.

       “You’re sober already, Tiff,” Yuri tried to make sound to break the silence.

       “How do you feel?” Jessica asked in concern. She carefully reached Tiffany’s hand and squeezed it. Tiffany beamed her best smile, though half of her heart already felt empty, as she didn’t find her love here. And the face… Knowing her best mates for many years, she knew something was going wrong. It’s already written all over their faces.

       Tiffany didn’t want to make any fuss.

       “Hangover,” Tiffany finally answered. “I wonder when it will wear off…”

       “You’d gradually be all right,” Jessica answered. “You need much rest.”

       Tiffany nodded her head silently. After all, there’s an awkward silence overwhelming the room, until Tiffany couldn’t bear it anymore.

       “Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”

       Yuri and Jessica exchanged the awkward glance and Tiffany wasn’t too ignorant to catch the glimpse of indication. Even before one of them answered her question, she thought that she already known the answer. She cried after all.

       Jessica couldn’t say anything but spread her arms and hug her tight. Very tight. Let her cried and spilled out the tears there, let her soaked the tears there, drenched there. Yuri bit her bottom lips witnessed the scene. She couldn’t hold it as well and let her tears dropped, streaming down her cheek. She felt very sorry for her best friend.

       “She left already?” Tiffany managed to ask in the middle of her sob. Though Jessica didn’t spill any word out, Tiffany could feel Jessica nodded her head, while her hand kept caressing her back.

       “Did she say something? The reason? Or why? Why she left…. Why? It hurt… Hurt…”

She said a lot of things… And the reason… though I knew the reason, I just couldn’t tell you, Fanny-ya… She didn’t allow me to tell you the reason… She said she wanted to see you happy and be whole again…She wanted you to get over it, move on, and found someone else… I’m sorry, Fanny-a… I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you the truth…

       After a huge sigh, Jessica answered. “No… She didn’t leave any words. She just… just left. Let her go, Baby…”

ANTANANARIVO, ETHIOPIA, ONE YEAR LATER

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies…

       “Yahhhhhh!”

       “What the f-,” Taeyeon startled and spontaneously was about to release some harsh words to anyone who made her heart was about to launch; but her words just cut off once she knew who owned the voice.

       Today was a tough day. She and her team handled much more locals than previous day and it really drained much energy.

       “You made me shock to hell,” she muttered and complained, but patted a vacant space beside her, at the porch, beckoning her to join her.

       “The most important thing is you don’t die,” she replied and laughed. She sat down there and offered some beer to Taeyeon.

       “How could you know I need this?” Taeyeon frowned and asked.

       “I don’t know. Just offer and you’re lucky then if you need this,” she laughed again.

       “Thanks, Amber.”

       “Always a pleasure.”

       There’s a short pause before finally Amber sneaked a peek on the display screen of her ipod.

        Let Her Go – Passanger.

       “Ah, no wonder. Another melancholic night again?” she asked symphatetically.

        Taeyeon bitterly smiled.

       “Not another. Every single night… I always think about her. Seemed she already poisoned my blood… I feel like been intoxicated. I’m so addictive to her… I didn’t realize it, until I feel it. Freaking out, huh?”

       Amber laughed again and shook her head. She took a gulp before replied.

       “Not really. I know how much you loved her. So it doesn’t surprise me. But life must go on, Tae. I don’t want to see you run your life like this forever.”

       Taeyeon smiled again.

       “Me too if I could control my heart. But the saddest thing is, I think I really couldn’t get over it… forever. I already gave all my heart to heart. There’s nothing remain, even for myself.”

       “Krystal worried so much about you,” Amber said.

       This made Taeyeon angled her head and looked at her.

       “What? What’s with that look?” Amber asked wonderingly.

       “Instead of bringing up boring topic about me, why don’t you tell me about you and her?”

       “W-what?” Amber made a face and she realized she started to blush.

       Taeyeon nudged her and laughed.

       “Until when you will stay like this?”

       “L-like what?”

       “Come on,” Taeyeon shook her head in disbelief. “You like her, huh?”

       It took some seconds before finally Amber looked at Taeyeon again. But surprisingly she shook her head.

       “I don’t like her,” she said.

       Taeyeon frowned.

       “I love her.”

You took my heart and you held it in your mouth
And, with a word all my love came rushing out
And, every whisper, it's the worst, emptied out by a single word
There is a hollow in me now

So I put my faith in something unknown
I'm living on such sweet nothing
But I'm trying to hope with nothing to hold
I'm living on such sweet nothing
And it's hard to learn
And it's hard to love
When you're giving me such sweet nothing
Sweet nothing, sweet nothing
You're giving me such sweet nothing


It isn't easy for me to let it go
Cause
I've swallow every single word
And
Every whisper, every sigh
Eats away at this heart of mine
And there is a hollow in me now

       In Sung found the note, absolutely was his sister handwriting, at the desk, with her beautiful sister fell asleep there. He frowned when reading the lyrics. In time, Tiffany woke up and slightly jolted as she found her brother already stood beside her.

       “Oppa,” she greeted.

        In Sung smiled and patted her head. “Morning.”

        “You wrote this?” he asked.

        Tiffany slightly taken aback as she didn’t mean to let anybody knew about the sad lyrics.

       “It’s… Sweet Nothing. I love the lyrics.”

       “Does it represent your feeling?”

        Tiffany chuckled. “N-no,” she said. “It’s just a song, Oppa,” she forced a smile.

       “And beside, I’d like to burn some unnecessary thing. It took a lot of space inside my closet. You’d like to help?”

       “What things?”

       “Some old photos, some old knitted sweaters, and, ahhh why you’re so talkative this morning, Oppa?” Tiffany pretended to grunt.

       “Okay, okay,” In Sung gave in and smiled. “I’d like to help. But… are you sure… you want to burn…”

        “What makes me not sure?”

         But In Sung caught the indication when his sister answered his questions, her voice started to crack and she quickly turned around, like dodging some gaze with him.

        Gently In Sung turned her to face him again and he spotted some tears run her cheeks down.

        “You are a bad liar, Fanny.”

        “I want to hate her. I swear I want to hate her, but I can’t… I can’t… Tell me why I can’t hate someone who hurt me a lot… Someone who created the pain that would never be healed, Oppa?”

        In Sung immediately hugged her sister and caressed her back.

        “How much?”

        “How much… your desire to hate her?”

        “As much as my desire to hope at least… somewhere, out of there, she’ll always be missing me…”

       But Tiffany quickly added. “Ah, what I’m talking about. I think I start to be unrealistic again. Hahaha, okay, Oppa…. No drama, anymore. Okay. Let’s finish it!”

        Tiffany quickly released herself from the hug and was about to reach the closet, but some grip stopped her steps.

       “I think there’s something I’d like to talk to you, my sister.”

        “Something you need to know.”

to be continued...

PS: I'm crazy about the song titled "Let Her Go" by Passanger and "Sweet Nothing" by Calvin Harris. Seriously you need to listen to them!