CHAPTER 10

KTY

       “Hey, what’s up?”

       This morning suddenly Yuri threw me the question when she found me like spacing out behind my desk. I put a fake smile and acted like nothing’s happened, but if I might say… she’s not that stupid to buy my lie… or it’s just too obvious to conceal my sadness; so, it just didn’t work out.

       She shoved a chair and dumped herself onto it, then angling her face with a concern look at me. I hate to seem depression but this time I really had nothing more to do with it. I couldn’t pretend I was okay when I really wasn’t.

       “Come on, you know you can share anything with me,” she persuaded me and widened her smile. Discovering me still didn’t spill out anything she went on with her guess.

       “Hmmm, is it related with Tiffany?”

       I didn’t directly give her the answer, but I thought my surprise expression revealed more than she needed. She grinned once she knew she got the point and at that time I thought it might… help a bit if I share my problem with her.

       “Don’t be surprise!” I warned her first. She nodded confidently while holding her gaze on me.

       “I won’t.”

       “I fell in love with her,” finally I confessed. And out of my expectation, she was really clinging on her words. She didn’t reveal any surprise mark on her face. It just caught me off guard.

       “I’ve seen it coming. So it doesn’t surprise me,” she explained as if could read my mind. I heaved a huge sigh and it just faded the smile away from her face.

       “Am I that obvious?”

       “I have no idea about other people’s thought. But for me and Sica, you know… we’d already known you so well, so yes, we could see and predict it. Despite of your behavior, we knew you just made it to attract her attention. And we caught your worry expression on your face whenever she did some stupid things. It was more than enough to give us explanation what’s going on to you.”

       “But… isn’t it suppose to be a good news?” hastily she added in confuse when she found my expression didn’t show any sign to be bright at all.

       “Yeah, I wish,” I muttered under my breath.

       “What do you mean with ‘I wish’?” suddenly Jessica popped up in my room and I caught Yuri cocked her head and beamed smile toward her. Without any hesitation, she spread her arms to invite Jessica into her hug. Their gesture indicated they’d passed friendship stage, I knew. In normal condition I might be excited, but sorry Yulsic, this time seemed I couldn’t show my congratulation and excitement in such a proper way toward you two. But believe me, I was happy to find both you finally made it.

       After Jessica landed a quick peck on her lips she stared at me.

       “Since when you’re two been official?” I asked feebly.

       “Since we tacitly knew we’d already fallen in love each other,” Yuri smirked cockily, earning a playful smack from my cousin.

       “Yeah, it’s not like old time, Tae,” Jessica said, couldn’t hide her smile. “Official doesn’t mean you have to say ‘I love you, would you be my girlfriend’ or so,” she added. “So, when both of us knew that we needed each other and moreover, that we’re into each other, we knew… that’s time we’re really meant to be.”

       “Ah, cukae,” I said and tried to sound cheerful but I knew I just didn’t make it. Jessica pulled away herself from Yuri and approached me. She patted my shoulder and asked me afterward.

       “Thanks, but you know me and Seobang wouldn’t be glad to see you this way. So, would you tell us what’s going on?”

       “Or do you need any advice to let her know about your feeling?” Yuri asked.

       I shook my head. “No, I’d already confessed,” I uttered.

       “Oh yeah? And???” Both of them asked in surprise and in unison.

       “She seemed so shock and surprise. All the things she could say that time was… ‘No… it couldn’t be happened… You aren’t serious, are you’?”

       “What the hell?” Jessica blurted out, seemed upset, but at the next second Yuri had rose from her chair and reached her into her hug. “Would you give Tae time to explain it first, Baby?” she tried to calm her down, and that time I got it – that Yuri was really a right person to be with her.

       “And what did you say afterward? If I were you, I must be offended and I’d yell: Ya~ how could on this earth you think I use this point to joke?” Jessica said.

       “Oh, thanks God, Tae wasn’t you,” I heard Yuri giggled and in a blink just hushed once Jessica glared at her. It helped a bit, frankly. I couldn’t suppress my giggle as well. The couple was indeed unique, I had to admit.

       “I improvised afterward,” I explained. “I smacked bench and burst into laughter. I said: Got you… Got you… And… fortunately, she bought my lie.”

       The couple’s eyes were widened in surprise hearing my confession. They must think I was weak and idiot now. But what could I do?

       “Oh my God… how could it happen?” Jessica gasped in disbelief.

       “I mean… I thought she had mutual feeling with you. I thought… she must see it coming. Or she just acted stupid?”

       “No, I don’t think so. You all know she wasn’t sort of person who acted stupid deliberately. She even had no time to marshal any scenario, I think.”

       “And now… You just will give up this way?” Yuri asked, but her tone was demanding.

       “I wish I could do more with it,” I said.

       “Oh, no. it wasn’t kind of answer would be released from Kim Taeyeon’s mouth,” Jessica shook her head.

       “Oh yeah, I hope so. But we have to be realistic. First she wasn’t single anymore. Second she loves her boyfriend much. Third, I’d already confessed and she’d already reacted. What do you think I suppose to do now? Come on, this is life. Not every our hope meets the way,” I acted as poised as possible though deep inside my heart I started to cry.

       “She’s stupid,” Jessica commented in her annoyance. “Why couldn’t she see the one who loves her much and the one who just played with her heart?”

       “At this time I only hope Dong Hae really had already changed. I don’t wanna her get hurt anymore.”

       “Oh, Gosh, Kim Tae Yeon!” Jessica gasped. “I had no idea before that you’re such a… great lover…”

       “Loving someone doesn’t mean have to have her,” I remarked. “As long as she’s happy, part of me should be happy as well, no matter… if half other part of me may cry for it… because I’m not the one who becomes the reason behind her happiness. But love couldn’t be selfish. I know… my love toward her is sincere.”

       “But Tae… I’m really sorry for you… I mean after all this time I knew what you’ve done to her and…”

       “Don’t be,” I lifted up my hand and smiled. “I didn’t regret any single thing I’ve done for her. I did it because I love her. And love didn’t know word ‘regret’.”

       Before continuing talking, my phone suddenly rung. I had no idea why, but still, I found myself happy once I discover the caller. It was her.

TH

       “Tae… What are you doing? Am I disturbing you?”

       “No. Why, Fanny~ya?” I heard the voice over there seemed cheerful. Unconsciously I smiled.

       “Ummm… I’m getting bored here,” I said after thinking for a moment. “Would you like to accompany me watching movie?”

       “Oh,” I heard she paused momentarily. “What time?”

       “It’s up to you,” I said. “I’ll be waiting and once you have free time, just let me know.”

       “I think I can pick you up at… six? Is it okay?” she asked.

       “Yeah, it’s fine…”

       “Tiff…,” I heard she called out my name again, but this time seemed she’s dubious.

       “Ne?”

       “Why don’t you go with Dong Hae?”

       “Oh,” I was surprised with her question but at the next second I’d managed myself again. “I’ve asked him first, but seemed he couldn’t make it. So… I… just… ask you…,” I answered with slightly guilty feeling, as though I just made her as an option, but I heard her voice was still as warm as before.

       “Oh, I see. It’s relieving then,” she said. “I was afraid you had some row with him, but now I know you’re just doing fine with him. Did he treat you well lately?”

       Her answer, to tell the truth, just caught me off guard. This is, for the first time, I realized that… she’s not as childish as I thought. She’s so kind and understanding. Tae, if I could do more for you… Mianhae, Tae… I just couldn’t give you anything in return… I wish I could… But I just couldn’t make it… Mianhae, Tae…

       “Tiffany? Are you still there?”

       “Ah, ne, ne,” I quickly answered. “Dong Hae Oppa treated me well, don’t worry. I’ll let you know once he makes any mess with me. You’d promised me to protect me, rite, Taetae?” I asked.

       “Yeah, of course,” she replied. “I won’t let anybody hurt you,” she added with her impassive tone. “So, meet you at six, okay? I’ve to back to work now.”

       “Ah, ara, see you, Tae.”

KTY

       “Now what?” Jessica crossed her arms once I hung the phone.

       “What what?” I asked, didn’t get it.

       “Didn’t you notice it? Everytime Dong Hae couldn’t make it, she always came to you,” Jessica said.

       “Not everytime,” I said in defensive tone. “It was just few time and I didn’t find myself bother with it.”

       “It’s because you’d been blind,” she said. “Don’t you think she just treat you like an option?”

       “Ah, don’t exaggerate it, Sica,” I smiled and yanked my hand. “I know you love me that much, that’s why you start to feel over-worry about me. Just believe me, I’d be just fine.”

       “I’m not sure since I found you really love her. It isn’t a joke, Kim Taeyeon. The more you let yourself into her, the more pain you’d get when finally you found her be with someone else… You have to stop be nice to her, Taeyeon.”

       “Sica,” I rose from my chair and stared at her. “We just gonna watching movie. I wouldn’t let myself getting hurt. Trust me.”

       When I found she didn’t answer me, I looked at Yuri, giving her cue to help me convincing her girlfriend.

       “Baby, Taeyeon’s right… She just…,” Yuri began to speak but again, once Jessica tilted her head and glared at her, she just shut up. With her guilty look, she mouthed “sorry” to me. I giggled and mouthed back “it’s okay”, then shifting my gaze back to Jessica again.

       “I promise I won’t get hurt. Okay?” I told her again. As I found her lips still turned down I couldn’t help but landed a kiss on her cheek.

       “Yul, please distract her attention today. Please make her happy so she wouldn’t think about me all the day, would you?” I asked her before I left the room.

       Yuri, who was standing behind her nodded and jerked her thumbs, but before I stepped out the room, I still could catch Jessica turned back and caught it, and Yuri just immediately turned her thumbs down and pretended to see at the ceiling. Really silly couple. I couldn’t help but giggle again. And deep inside my heart, afterward, I just hope, if only I and Tiffany could be kind of happy couple like that…

       She’s beautiful as usual. But more important thing was… I didn’t know it was my mind playing trick or it was real… she seemed so gorgeous more than usual, and it made my heart flustered… and in a blink I just felt like many butterflies came out from my stomach.

       “Unnie,” she called out me, and it made me surprise. I frowned though I knew she was just joking.

       “Don’t call me that way,” I shook my head. Suddenly I felt really sad and broken. I really had no idea whether I’d get over it. She didn’t do wrong. She called me unnie because she’d already got the truth that I loved her as sister only. But I really didn’t want it. It wasn’t right at all. Discovering me didn’t like it, she really made it up to me.

       “I don’t know you don’t like I call you that way. Mianhae, Tae,” she said with aegyeo and it just melted my heart again.

       “Gwaenchana,” I beamed smile. “I just wasn’t use to it,” I said with my typical cool tone.

       “So, what movie you want to watch?”

       “Anything,” she said and made me confuse. “Huh? I think you have some preference?”

       “Not really,” she said tamely and held my hand. “Let’s see the choice,” she towed me to the ticket counter.

       “Wait,” I stopped my step and she turned back to look at me again.

       “You really have no preference?”

       “Hmmmh…,” she trailed off. “I just made an excuse,” she said and in a blink her face just blushed, but still I didn’t really get it.

       “I… I just want to spend my time with you… D-do you mind? I… I’m sorry if I… waste your time…”

       Hearing her remarks just made my heart almost explode. I tried to stay cool but I had no idea if it worked well. I got myself closer to her and wrapped my hand around her slender waist.

       “Don’t say sort of thing like that again. You know I’ll always have time for my…,” I trailed off before spilling out the last ‘unwilling’ word. “… sister…”

       “I love you, Tae,” she said and I just flashed her smile. I just couldn’t say back ‘I love you’ because I was afraid she could catch the indication inside my tone, the sign that I did really mean it, that I really loved her as a lover, not just like a sister.

       “Tae, what if we watch… hmmm… Another Life?” she asked and pointed out a poster in front of us.

      “It’s… kind of sad romantic drama, right?” I guessed. She nodded cutely.

      “It told about a couple that had no chance to be together in this life, and they promised to make it happen in another life,” she said. “Do you like sort of story like it?”

       Actually, I did. But… once I heard the red line, I just thought, the most important question I had to consider was… “Am I ready to watch this kind of movie?” It was non-sense, it was… similar with my circumstance now. But again, I didn’t want to disappoint her. I just nodded coolly and purchased two tickets for us.

       During the show, she just kept clinging on my arm, and I had no idea whether she noticed it or not, but she never let her head out from my shoulder as well. She leaned tamely on my shoulder and I found myself wanted to relish it forever. I didn’t want the movie end. I wanted this moment lasted forever. At that time I knew, how thing called as love could make anything non-sense became so make-sense. At that time I knew don’t dare to play with kind thing called love.

       Once the movie almost getting the end, I felt so sad. It was almost over, I thought. While I was still musing, I heard her called out my name again. It was like a whisper near my ear. I tilted my head and found her stared at me in the vague dim light.

       “Tae…,” she paused momentarily. I held my hand gently and knitted my eyebrows together, waiting for her next remarks.

       “May I ask you something?”

       “W-what is it?” I asked. Finding she didn’t immediately answer, I hastily added. “Yeah, of course. Anything.”

       “It may sound ridiculous,” she said dubiously. “I don’t know if you’re cool with it or not.”

       “Just spill it out, don’t worry, huh?” I said gently, still holding my gaze on her.

       After a short pause she fired it away.

       “M-may I kiss you?”

       The moment she asked it was the moment I would never forget during my life. But the additional next remark just made me so confuse, but again, I had no power to do more with it.

       “B-but… just let me do it… on my own…”

       I stared her in confuse. I threw her puzzle look. She just gaze down, avoid eye contact with me, and I gently lifted her head up by her chin again. I caressed her cheek once I was sure what she meant with it. She… didn’t want me respond. She didn’t want me kiss back. It was… indeed ridiculous, but again… I just didn’t question it. I love her too much and I’d do anything she wanted.

       “Just do it,” I smiled and closed my eyes, anticipating for it.

       My feeling was… so tangling… with many things. I was happy but in the other side I felt so hurt. It was like… someone had complete control on you and you had nothing to do more with it… It was like give me water when I was thirsty at the Sahara but before I let all the water run my throat you’d already took it back.

       But whatever it was, once the smooth plum lips brushed mine, all the things popped in my mind was it was just like picture on Hallmark card came into reality.

       Her kiss was soft and gently, and again I felt my heart stinging since I had to suppress my desire to kiss her back.

       I struggled hard not to pour any single tears and I provided my best lips for her. I let her did the kiss on her own way let her enjoyed it, and didn’t let my own self interrupted it.

       After few moments, finally she pulled away. Thanks God, I just succeed to manage it. I didn’t let any single tears run down my cheek.

       “Gomapta, Tae,” she said using phrase that just be used by very close person.

       “Mianhae…,” she said. “I… I think… I’d asked you too much…,” she seemed so sad and it was the thing I really couldn’t help to see.

       Hastily I reached her into my hug. I leaned my head on her shoulder and vice versa.

       “Don’t worry. You didn’t ask too much. Don’t cry. I love you,” I said.

       But deep inside my heard, I couldn’t pretend to act deaf. I heard it clearly said… Tiffany, why did you treat me this way? I love you that much. Can’t you see it? Can’t you realize it? Can’t you see that I’m the only one who won’t let you down? Can’t you see that I could be one hundred times better than Dong Hae if you give me the chance? Just one chance, Tiffany. And I’d proof it to you… And I didn’t get it, why you treat me this way. Why didn’t you let me kiss you? But… don’t worry… for you, I’d bear all those pain. It’s because… I’m really in love with you…

to be continued...

SHOOT!!! It's so dam* heartbreaking and so real... isn't it?

Geez... Why I could write down an update like this... *I'm serious, it just flown that way.

I hope you're tough enough to read this chap. Urojuseyo! (Pls cry) :(

And don't forget, comment. My silent readers, do my favor, kay?