CHAPTER 29

TIFFANY HWANG

       The moment I accepted her proposal was one of the most beautiful and unforgettable moments in my life. As my sight started to be so blurry because I couldn’t manage the tears that began to prickle my eyelids now, I still could get the chance to discover the bright expression earned by the one stared at me deeply now. Her eyes were glemaed with joyful and satisfaction as if she had already won the most anticipated contract over her competitor company or so.

       If it wasn’t my mind who’s playing some trick, I could state that her smile was so broad at that time and I swore, I would always miss sort of smile and I promised to myself, I’d do my best to always be the reason behind her smile as long as I was still breathing. It’s been very long time my eyes didn’t catch the expression, didn’t capture the picture of mesmerizing smile I once thought would never have any chance to see it again. I thanked God for it today.

       Before I had more chance to drench my shirt with my own tears, she had already got up and put the ring on my fingers gently. It was instead me, who felt slightly nervous and little bit tremble as my heart now felt looked like could explode anytime. I cursed myself mentally and secretly as I realized, the sparkling diamond ring now was on my finger once upon a time had ever been a silent witness of our heart-breaking moment when I tried my best to throw Taeyeon’s love away. Afterward, actually I just didn’t dare to imagine what would my life be or how could I life my life since then, as I knew after all I might never have any chance to meet her again.

       As if could see my anxiety, she put a calm smile on her face and run her fingers gently across my cheek in order to soothe me and believe me, it worked. Her touch just already calmed me down and as I saw it coming already, I closed my eyes to anticipate it and at the next second while wrapping my slender waist protectively, I could feel her lips met mine. They brushed each other. It was so gentle, tender, and passionate touch of the lips that already sent impuls over my whole body.

       “Tell me it’s the tears of happiness,” she whispered near my ears after she pulled back to make some gap to see my face. I smiled at her silly statement.

       “Silly,” I managed my sob and went on. “This is my best moment in my life. Being your wife. What else I could expect?”

       “There’s one more thing you could expect. And if you don’t want to do it for me, please, at least do it for yourself.”

       “What’s it, Taetae?” I asked curiously. “I promise you, I’d do anything for you. I’d do anything, anything to maintain the amusement written on your eyes now. You know what, it’s been a long time I didn’t see you’re smiling like this.”

       “Are you sure you’re gonna do it for me?”

       “Even it’s beyond my faith,” I stated surely and held my gaze solemnly on her. I could say her beamed complacement smile at me at that time. She nodded her head for a moment before spilling out what she wanted from me.

       “Promise me you won’t give up this easy. Because we both know it, everytime you go away, you’ll make me shattered and you’ll just take a piece of me with you. Pieces by pieces until nothing left on me. I die without you, Tiffany.”

       Strangely, this time I even didn’t think I need some time to consider it. All the things I did was only nodding my head without any hesitant, and when I could clearly see her smile was still on her face and didn’t show any sign to go vaguely at all, I knew, at that time I’ve made the wisest decision in my life.

       I felt so weak. To tell the truth, it didn’t surprise me at all since I’ve already got the total knowledge about my own disease. I once ever heard that there’s nothing best than making a friendship with your illness. It, less or more, would give you more chance and hope to survive rather than keeping yourself in desperate mode due to your illness. Because of Taeyeon, yes, I told you the truth, because of her, actually, I could stand and bear it.

       It was a very common sign for people with leukemia like me to experience very common symptom that actually non-distinguishable from other diseases. I found myself pale, weak, very exhausted, losing appetite, and slowly but sure, my body weight was decreased. Since I thought there’s nothing to worry about and I didn’t need to exagerate it, I just didn’t pay attention too much on it. But when one day the symptomps just didn’t go and I started to feel to be sweaty easily particularly at night, I began to consider to meet some doctor.

       I met the doctor when I caught the presence of bruises on my arms and noticed that the bruises stayed for some long time. I found it little bit odd. Besides, I also started to feel pain around my joint, and near my armpit felt like there’s some swolling buldge. Few hours before meeting the docter, I mustered my courage to type some keywords on googling box. If I didn’t get wrong, I wrote: bruises, armpit swollen, night sweat, and joint pain. As soon as google machine provided some related links, I felt my heart was racing out as well.

       I wanted to deny but I knew I just couldn’t. All the links appeared on the screen were narrowing to one term in common. LEUKEMIA.

       Taeyeon hugged me all the night and actually I myself wondered how could she sleep so soundly without letting her arms go off from my waist. I giggled silently witnessing her innocent sleeping face when at the morning I woke up first. Discovering how cute she was and finding that myself had already fallen so real deep into her couldn’t help me at all but urging me to drop a kiss on her forehead. I did it as smooth as possible in order to not waking her up.

       In time after I “stole” the peck, I caught her lips unconsciously moved as she mumbled something. I put my ears near her lips and smiled like a creep hearing her remarks.

       “I love you, Fanny~ya. You made me crazy during this time, but somehow, I think I’ll always find some way to back to you. I love you... Jinjja... I love you...”

       “I’m sorry, Taetae. I’ve missed a lot of times to make you happy,” I whispered solemnly. I couldn’t help but kissing her cheek then. “I love you too. I might not good on expressing it, but I want you to know, I love you more than you might think. Really.”

       “Really?”

       Suddenly I heard her stern voice and just saw her already opened up her eyes and looked at me peacefully.

       Still with her effort to kill her drowsiness, she made some way to touch my back part of my head and pushed it gently so our forehead now were brushing each other. Our gaze met and it’s only God and both of us who could make some sense about what our feeling was now.

       “Morning. I love you,” she said again. Strangely, I thought I would never get bored to hear the remarks, though she repeated it again and again and over again.

       “Morning. I love you too.”

       “I really love you. I’m sorry I’m not that creative to marshal some words. I hope you’re cool with it,” she grinned dorkily, made me giggled.

       “Silly,” I muttered under my breath. “It’s not your fault. It’s indeed in English there’s no exact synonym for term ‘love’. And don’t worry. I’m very cool with it. Don’t forget, I’m your wife now, Kim Taeyeon. It means you have full authority at me.”

       “Oh, such a loyal wife,” she commented and giggled on her own words. “I love you again then.”

       “I know.”

       “I’m serious, Tiffany.”

       “I know, Kim Taeyeon.”

       She sighed. “I’ve been thinking all the time how to make you feel never lack of my love.”

       “You made it already, Taetae. Don’t worry.”

       She shook her head cutely. “I never thought I gave enough.”

       “Yes, it’s indeed. Because you gave me more than I deserved.”

       She didn’t answer again but just immediately kissed me on the lips.

       After a short pause, I thought it was a right time to let her knew something that might made her day.

       “Kim Taeyeon,” I called our her name sweetly. She looked at me confusingly with her eyebrows were getting closer together.

       “Send me to hospital, would you?”

       I could catch her jaw dropped open as if she couldn’t believe what she heard already. I giggled and pinched her nose sweetly.

       “I’m serious, Taetae. I’d continue my medication.”

       “Oh my God... Tiffany... I...,” I could catch her mixed expression, between sorry, confuse, and happy one. I nodded my head to assure her, then squeezed her hand to get rid her guilty feeling.

       “Don’t worry. The pain is nothing. I can endure everything with you, Taetae.”

SEOUL, 5 a.m.

KWON YURI

       The annoying voice earned by Jessica’s mobile phone was heard constantly and neither of us wanted to bother ourself to find the phone and shut it up as it was still too early for us to wake up. I groaned in frustation but sadly, my eyes was looked like had been glued fixingly and hard to open, so all the things I did next was only squeezed my pillow and pressed it to cover my ears, in hope the voice would gone, or else ~ hope a miracle happened ~ Jessica would wake up and mute it. Of course it was only a non-sense hope. I knew that.

       But it was her mobile phone!!! It was her fault, forgot to set it to silent mode. So it supposed to be her, who...

       Argh, fighting with my own mind wouldn’t help at all, I finally realized. After taking a glance at peaceful face that obviously didn’t get distracted at all from the disturbance for a moment, I unconsciously smiled and realized, my madness just already gone. When it came to her, somehow, I always found thousands reasons to understand.

       She’s so cute. How could on earth there’s a beautiful girl with messy attitude like her alive, and all the things I knew was I loved her a lot. And she’s mine.

       So finally I jumped out from the bed and once I found her mobile phone and was about to reject the call, I just suspended my plan as I noticed it was the call from States! Hastily I picked it up and as I’ve already expected, instead of getting a great good morning, a received a typical yelled from the line over there.

       “Yaaaaa~~~ My Boo! Are you two busy?” I knew what she was talking about and I could imagine she smirked over there.

       “What the hell you’re thinking, Tae,” I replied. “Do it when she’s on her sleepyhead mode is a big no,” I smirked and giggled.

      “Oh, why not? You can take some advantages under the circumstance,” she replied slyly and I couldn’t help but deciding to play around with her.

       “I don’t need it. She’ll always give me everything I want. Sincerely. You know she’s so tame to me now.”

       I heard Taeyeon laughed over there and before I had any chance to hear her reply, I felt some shiver sent down to my spine already as a pair of cold hand suddenly wrapped around my waist and a chin suddenly leaned on my shoulder from behind. I didn’t dare to tilt my head.

       “Talking about someone when she’s sleeping isn’t a good thing, hmh, my lovely Seobang?”

       “Errr..., Honey. You woke up already?” I delivered an idiot question to her and cursed Taeyeon secretly because it’s her who brought out this topic at first.

       “I didn’t say anything,” I pleaded. “It’s your cousin who started it out.”

       Slowly I turned around and put an innocent smile on my face. I knew it sometimes worked. She pretended to glare at me and I knew, I was safe now. She didn’t immediately reply and I used the chance to land her a morning kiss which I believed would cheer her up directly.

       “It’s Taetae. Finally, she remembered that we’re still alive,” I shouted out intentionally, then proffered the phone to my beloved one. Jessica just received it and activated the loudspeaker.

       “Hi, Tae. Give us a good news, please?” Jessica greeted her cheerfully.

       “How’s Tiffany?”

       There’s a short pause afterward.

       “I proposed her again yesterday. And she accepted it.”

       “Wow! Congrats! But...,” Jessica trailed off. “But... why you didn’t seem so happy?”

       “Ani,” Taeyeon replied. “I’m happy of course. But Tiffany, ah, I’m not sure what to say. Finally she decided to continue her medication. But... seeing her holding and enduring the pain really killed me already, Sica...”

       There’s another uneasy silence again. It’s indeed hard for us to talk or give comment about it this time as I knew we had nothing more to do to help her.

       “Be tough, Tae,” I said solemnly. “It would encourage Tiffany. Don’t let her down by witnessing you sad.”

       “Of course I will,” I heard her said as keen as possible.

       “Now I’m at the hospital. I plan to figure out about her actual condition since she seemed hide something from me. Once I found it out, I’ll contact you again. Please pray for us, okay?”

       “Will do. Seobang and I hope the best for you two. And send my love for Tiffany as well. Okay?”

       “Okay. Thanks. Talk again later.”

KIM TAEYEON

       “Silyehajiman... Kim Taeyeon~Ssi????”

       I turned around, in time after I ended the call with Jessica, to see the one called out my name. I frowned as I didn’t remember ever met her at all.

       She smiled as if already predicted it.

       “My name is Luna,” she introduced herself.

       “Oh, sorry. I don’t think I know...”

       “Of course,” she cut off understandingly. “We indeed never met before. But I’ve already known you for some time.”

       “Huh?”

       “I was the one who took care Tiffany during this time,” she explained. “I knew you from her.”

       “She... told you about me?”

       She widened her smile as if I already released a stupid question.

       “She never brought out another topic unless you, Kim Taeyeon~Ssi. She spent everytime with me by sharing some story about you. She always told about you, as if she wanted to reminiscene the moment you had together. I could figure out from the way she talked, that she’s really in love with you. She missed you so much and she also told me the reason she left you. But now finding you two got together again really made me felt so happy.”

       Taeyeon felt so speechless hearing Luna’s confession, the side of Tiffany she would never expect. It touched her heart a lot.

       “Luna... Thank you for taking care Tiffany during this...”

       “Ah, never mind, Kim Tayeon~Ssi. I’ve considered her as my sister already. She’s indeed very lovely person. I’m glad I can help. If there’s more I can do...”

       “Actually, there’s,” Taeyeon said, making Luna frowned.

       “Please tell me, how’s her actual condition. I know you’re not the doctor but I’m sure you must’ve got the knowledge. It agitated me already since she seemed hide something from me.”

       Luna heaved a huge sigh as if taking some chance to consider it, before finally she nodded her head and spoke up.

       “I believed she’d told you that the prognosis was bad and it won’t be long.”

        Taeyeon nodded her head sadly.

        “So you just confirmed it that there’s really no hope for her?” Now her voice was crack.

       “Even chemotherapy and radiotherapy couldn’t help her?”

       “It wasn’t as simple as that,” Luna replied. “Tiffany was diagnosed with AML or Non-limfositic Acute Leukemia, kind of the most common of leukemia affected adult, and actually what caused people with leukemia eventually die was because the person gets infection or septic, or experiencing some bleeding. But we also often found they didn’t survive because their body couldn’t endure the effect of chemo and radiotherapy. It, indisputable, worsen their physical condition, while until this time, chemo and radiotherapy were still believed as the choice of treatment for the people with leukemia, besides, of course we provides induction of Cyratabine and some painkiller as well. Afterward, because chemo and radiotherapy didn’t kill harmful cancer cells only, we need to do bone marrow transplantation to the patient, in order to build some new healthy bone marrow for her so her will be able to survive.”

       “Bone marrow transplantation?”

       Taeyeon’s eyes widened hearing the explanation.

       Luna nodded her head.

       “And... and... if... she found the donor matched with hers... will... will she survive?? I mean... were you trying to say that if we could find the matching bone marrow, there’s a hope for her...???”

       “Yes. It’s exactly what I was trying to say...,” Luna replied carefully.

       “It... It supposed to be a good news. It’s a wishful thing. Why she bothered to share it with me???”

       “Because from the test, there’s only one donor matched with hers.”

       “ONLY ONE? Is it more than enough to find even just one???” Taeyeon’s eyes were sparkling with excitement and it made she lost her sense to feel some odd atmosphere there.

       This time Luna answered more carefully again.

       “It supposed to be heplful if only the own of the bone marrow wasn’t her brother.”

       This time Taeyeon felt her heart already stopped pumping.

       That’s why Tiffany bothered to tell me. Because she knew that discovering the fact that there’s someone that actually has a chance to help her would just never do it, no matter how loud they screamed, or how much the tears they shed. Transplantation wasn’t kind of thing which was free of risk for the donor. It’s first thing to remember. And second thing, which was couldn’t be neglected, was her brother hated her a lot. There’s no way to help her, for sure.

to be continued...