CHAPTER 9

TH

       I was remained quiet and let her towed my hand gently. I just followed her whenever she was going to head to. While ambling, I played with my own thought. I was pondering everything about her. After all this time, I still couldn’t really have complete idea about her. She’s like up and down person. Sometimes she’s warm, sometimes she’s cold. Sometimes she’s really annoying, and sometimes she’s really lovely. Sometimes I got irritating, and sometimes, I realized… there’s part of her I’d always be missing for. All those thought seemed keep agitating my mind and I wonder if someday I could puzzle it out.

       Meanwhile, her remarks were echoing on my mind. It seemed overwhelmed my mind and didn’t let anything else share inside it. It was her words that stated that she wasn’t getting mad at me; instead she’s getting upset to her own self, for couldn’t control herself whenever it came to me. What did she mean? What thing she couldn’t control? Unfortunately, she didn’t explain me more. And I was too shy to ask more. Or… it wasn’t I was to shy? Instead, it more accurately to say that… I was too afraid to hear the truth?

       Finally, we reached a large beautiful park in Seoul. Before I could ask or spill out anything, she had already asked me to sit on the nearly bench and all the things I could do was as usual… only obeying her. While, she’d already vanished from my sight and not long afterward, she’d already popped up in front of me again. My eyes just suddenly sparkled once I saw what she’s holding on her hand now.

       “Here, take it. Which one? Strawberry or chocolate? Or you want both?” she peppered me with questions. She was revealing her caring side, I noticed, but still, she didn’t want to hide her arrogant tone. Huh… This girl… was really not a joke… I giggled secretly.

       “Why didn’t you ask my preference first? What if I like vanilla one?” I pretended to be disappointed and out of my expectation, she seemed regret it.

       “Oh, sorry. I’d just buy anoth…,” she’s about to turn back but I hastily grabbed her arms and shook my head. She frowned and I beamed her smile.

       “Just kidding,” I giggled. “I wasn’t kind of picky person, moreover when it came to ice cream,” I said. “And… when it came to everything you gave me,” I added the last words out of the blue and suddenly I felt my own face was blushed by my own chessy stupid remarks.

I got she beamed a smile toward me and after proffered me the strawberry one she beckoned me to sit on a bench, beside her.

       Once we sat, she angled her face to look at me. I felt so nervous, but didn’t ask me why. Summer breeze blew and before I saw it coming, she’d already tugged my straddles behind my ear. After a brief pause, she began to speak up.

       “I want to apologize to you,” she said sincerely while holding her gaze on me. I gulped, tried to stare out, didn’t dare to look her back for unexplainable reason.

       “W-why? You didn’t do anything wrong toward me,” I asked wonderingly.

       “Didn’t I?” she questioned back and though I didn’t directly look at her face, I knew she’s now widening her smile. At that time I realized, she’s really cool person I ever had. She’s indeed bossy, but she always could place herself in the right time and right place. At that time I also realized that she’s cold and arrogant for make-sense reason; and at the other side, she’s really indeed a nice, warm, and gentle person.

       “I spilled out the words I supposed not to say that night. I treated you bad. And after all this time, you’re still being nice to me. Those things really made me felt bad and guiltier even more. Can’t you see me like a crime?” she asked and laughed at the same time. I, still avoid gaze with her, shook my head.

       “I believe there’s must be a strong reason behind your behavior and I didn’t mind it at all. All the things I care about now are… we’d made it up again, Tae. It’s more than enough for me,” I said seriously.

       “You’re the first person saying that you didn’t mind my behavior,” she said and shook her head. “Why you’re so…,” she trailed off for a moment. “… understanding?”

       “Because you deserve it,” I replied briefly. But to tell the truth, I just told her the truth. I had no reason to not understand her. I did it because I was willingly to understand her and… want to know more, maybe???

       “No one understood me that way before, Tiffany. No one,” she murmured and it made me realized that… behind all her rude and bad attitude, she’s just human like all of us. I caught there’s sadness inside her tone. There’s something I couldn’t figure it out yet, but I was sure she’s not as tough as she’s looked like.

       “It’s because they just believe what they literally see with their eyes,” I said.

       She frowned in bewilderment and finally I dare to meet her face.

       “D-didn’t your eyes say same with people’s one?”

       I giggled finding her slightly wonder and stuttered. Look what I’d already said. She’s human.

       “No, my eyes told the same,” I remarked. Then I gaze down, pointed out my chest with my eyes to give her enlightenment.

       “But my heart didn’t tell so. Instead, it told me otherwise,” I continued and this time I caught surprise mark played across her face. I giggled again. It was the first time I made her taken aback with my remarks, as I remembered.

       “People often forget to see something with their heart,” I added.

       “You’re such a warm-hearted girl,” she murmured again, but now a grin seemed dawned on her cute face. Wait. Cute? Yes. Haven’t I told you that actually she’s cute? And now, with all of her pure and innocent expression, what I could say more?

       “You’re too,” I commented. “I found myself always comfortable whenever I’m around you, Tae. That’s why… I didn’t just let you go.”

       “Now… Would you tell me… why you got drunk at that bar that night? I really worried about you… Please don’t make me worry again. If you had some problem, you can call me anytime. You can share with me anytime.”

KTY

       The second she said the sentences to me I could feel my heart flustered and pounded double times, nearly to explode, if I might exaggerate it. What she was talking about? I meant… did she just give me a clue or… it was me that over-reacted hearing it? I wasn’t sure at all. I was too afraid to take a wrong step. One wrong step and… it’s all over.

       I released a fake chuckled before answering her. After considering for some moment, I decided to tell her the truth that I wasn’t really drunk at that night, but I just didn’t tell her about my fake business that afternoon. I didn’t want to make her guilty. Because… I… love her?

       “I didn’t really get drunk that night,” I confessed and caught her jolted in surprise, but I hastily widened my smile to comfort her.

       “I could hear all of your remarks. I didn’t really know what happened to me, but when you and Dong Hae argued about me… About… my feeling toward you, part of me felt… like…,” I trailed off again, wasn’t really sure about the word I was going to say, but finally I let it out. “… ache…”

       She widened her eyes in surprise again, but I decided to go on. It was like I had already pour rice onto the frying pan and I couldn’t just not finishing my cooking after all.

       “I hate to admit. I mean… I wasn’t sort of person who reveal my inner feeling. But this time… I’d let you know everything about me. Same with you…,” I paused momentarily and stared deeply into her eyes. “I feel comfortable with you as well.”

       “And same with you too… Discovering how stupid you’re always makes me feel uneasy and worry.”

       “STUPID?” suddenly she crossed her arms and glared at me.

       “Yeah,” I smirked and held my gaze on her. “You’re so silly and stupid. You did everything without thinking first. You didn’t have any idea how worry I was finding all those things.”

       “Are you talking about how I saved your company?”

       “I’m talking about everything. About it, yes, you’re indeed babo, but as I said, I and my company owed you much about it. But, the other things ruined my mind more was… I was really worried when I knew you’re just back with Dong Hae. I was afraid… you’re getting hurt again. Because I didn’t want it happens to you.”

       Suddenly there’s rumble of thunders heard. In a blink I realized the sky had already been gloom. The cloud was thickened. It was August, I noticed. And in few minutes the hard rain were going to pour down from the sky. But the girl in front of me seemed didn’t care about it. She’s still sitting calmly and seemed didn’t have any intention to leave the place.

       “Tiffany, let’s leave. It’s going to rain,” I asked her, but she didn’t move.

       “Do you mind if we continue talking here?” she asked.

       I frowned but shaking my head. “No, but… I don’t want you to be sick…”

       “I won’t be sick. Don’t worry,” she smiled. “I used to play under the rain. It’s been a long time since the last time I play under the rain. I often pleaded to Dong Hae to accompany me walked under the rain, but he always refused me. Whereas I thought… it was… romantic… wasn’t it?”

       I didn’t immediately answer her. When she said his name, my heart felt stinging again. It was because I just noticed that the girl wasn’t single anymore. She’d already taken. And it meant… I wouldn’t have any chance to make her mine. But I knew I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was on the halfway and I hate being a coward.

       “Yeah, it’s indeed romantic,” I assented with her. For some moment we’re staring each other and I felt so damn nervous inside my heart.

       There’s another thunder sound before I spilled out the next words. Finally…

       “Tiffany… I think… I like you,” I said it carefully. I caught she’s really taken aback with my remarks, but at that time I really couldn’t think of anything more.

       I gulped and realized never in my life I felt my heart beat as faster as that time.

       Before she reacted to me, I found my lips already dropped in a spot on her forehead. It was just a quick kiss, actually. I quickly pulled away and found her seemed still stunned with all of sudden remarks and action.

       “I… think… I love you…,” I said again.

       She was still remained silent and looked like dumbfounded. I was almost die at that time. Speak something please. Anything. Speak something, Tiffany. Don’t make me like a sole actress in this conversation!!

       At the next second, the drizzle had already poured from the sky. But neither of us had any intention to move.

       Finally I caught something from her. She bit her bottom lips and shook her head.

       “No…,” it was her first remark I could heard because afterward I found myself like numb. No? No? What… No?

       “No… It couldn’t be happened…,” she said again.

       “You aren’t serious, are you?” she asked again.

       This time I could figure out everything. So… it was only me who had the feeling. It was clear when she asked it. I was almost burst into pathetic laughter but strangely there’s nothing I could release from my mouth. The rain started to fall, this time really hard. And I felt thankful for it.

       At the next second, I could manage it. I burst into laughter and hit the bench for few times, making her even more confused.

       “Hahahaha… Got you! Got you!” I laughed and pointed out her face.

       “You don’t know how funny your face was!” I added.

       “Tae?” she asked in confuse.

       I managed to stop my laughter and shook my head.

       “Look. How could you buy my lie as easy as that? Geezzzz… I thought I wouldn’t be able to trick you again after I repetitiously told how stupid you’re… But still… Ahhh, look at you… How could you consider it seriously?” I blurted out again.

       “I love you as my sister,” I added casually. “From now on, just let me know if somebody makes any mess with you. I’ll protect you,” I said.

       A smile started to display on her face.

       “Jinjja, Tae?”

       I nodded solemly. “Yeah, pinky promise,” I offered my little finger to her. She hooked hers with mine and we’re smiling complacently each other.

       “Let’s go. Or both of us will gonna sick,” I suggested and held her hand.

       She obeyed tamely and trailed behind me.

       During that time, despite of my stinging heart, I released a huge relief. Thanks God, she bought my improvisation.

       And thanks God, all of my tears just lost in the rain. 

       At that time, I got a new knowledge. It wasn't illusion. It wasn't a fling. It wasn't a drive by. It wasn't delusional feeling.

       If my heart was getting ache like this, it's absolutely love. I was in love with her.

       If it isn't hurt, don't dare to mention it as "love".

to be continued...

Heart-breaking enough? Do I make you cry? Let me know, okay.