CHAPTER 33

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me, baby, do you recognize me?
Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying, "I love you", I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

       YURI was still staring at the picture in frame at the corner of the bedroom, no long after she got the news, while she felt sudden warmth spread over all her body. Without even tilting her head to see, she’d already figure out the one who aroused the sensation. She smiled, let the latter kept wrapping her arm around her neck and ended it into fingers crossing on her chest, while her chin was rested tamely on her shoulder, as though looking for a chance to sneak a peek what her “husband” was staring at.

       “Mmmh… Seobang,” the blonde one whispered semi-seductively. “What do you think about us?”

       “Perfect,” Yuri released a quick-brief-firm answer, making Jessica couldn’t help but rewarding her warm kiss on her cheek.

       “Cocky,” she murmured, but didn’t let her lips go from brushing Yuri’s cheek.

       “No,” she argued. “Can’t you see that?” she continued and smiled confidently. “A Kwon Yuri who typically acted so indifferent and nonchalant had already melted a heart of an icy girl who was able to kill someone by just throwing some killing glaring like you…”

       Jessica made a face and trying hard to suppress her giggle.

       “And can’t you see that, as well?” Jessica didn’t want to make it that easy. “That ice-princess had already made the nonchalant and cool one became sweeter than sugar, more romantic than Aladdin, and more lovely than Winnie the Pooh?”

       Yuri suddenly tilted her head hearing the cute and absurd remarks. She knitted her eyebrows together in purpose.

       “Hey… What’s the matter with Aladdin and Winnie the Pooh? Why you brought them into us? Very not matching,” she mumbled, earning another giggle from Jessica.

       “Look at you, Seobang,” Jessica murmured. “Even when you’re getting upset, I found it was nothing but cute, still,” she said seriously.

       “Oh yeah?” Yuri smiled. “It’s because I wasn’t literally upset, Baby.”

       “Disagree,” Jessica quickly said. “For me, whenever it came to you, I always find that I’d always love everything on you… I love the way you talk, the way you mad, the way you act, and indisputable… the way you treat and love me… I love you for all the things you’re,” Jessica said again, solemnly.

       Yuri couldn’t stand it again. She slowly got up and dragged her to the bed. Both of them now laying on it, with Yuri’s arm curled around her waist. She dropped a kiss on Jessica’s forehead before piping up again.

       “Look who’s sweeter than sugar now,” she smirked after throwing her the compliment.

       “Can’t we just stop sweet talking for a moment?” Jessica finally gave up.

       “Why?” Yuri pretended to be surprise.

       “Because if we keep going on like this, I’m really not sure whether we’d stop or not and even more, we’d die because of starving. I won’t make any time even to cook and prepare some meal for you, My Darling Seobang,” she said, was about to get up, but Yuri playfully held her by tugging her shirt again, making Jessica just stumbled and fell onto the bed – more accurately into her hug again.

       Jessica was about to release some protest; however Yuri was faster in action. She embraced her very tight, making the latter couldn’t help but enjoying the moment as well.

       “I don’t care if I have to die, as long as I’m with you,” she said while brushing her lips on her neck, earning some giggle from her. Yuri smirked naughtily afterward, as she planned to drop her mood.

       “Moreover, you can’t cook well, Baby,” she said, and as she’d expected before, Jessica suddenly nudged her abs and pulled away from her hug. Now she’s glaring at her, making Yuri giggled even more.

       “Owh, I can’t believe you still haven’t got the knowledge,” Yuri tried to say in the middle of giggle.

       “What knowledge?” Jessica asked in confuse.

       “That kind of glare would never work out on me anymore. Instead, it would only make me kiss you even more,” she grinned, making the latter finally gave in.

       Jessica rolled aside, getting herself closer to Yuri again, let herself snuggled into her.

       Yuri closed her eyes and seemed like relishing the moment into the silence for few times. Jessica leant her head on her chest, as if intending to hear her heartbeat.

       “Baby,” Yuri piped up. “I just got the news from the sheriff handling Siwon’s case,” she continued.

       Suddenly, Jessica widened her eyes in surprise, felt alarm again, but Yuri just tightened her hug and stayed poised.

       “Gwaenchana,” she said. “It isn’t like you’re thinking about.”

       “W-what is it?”

       “This morning they found him did committed suicidal inside his cell,” Yuri said feebly, making Jessica gasped in shock.

       “Yeah, it’s true, Baby,” Yuri nodded her head, assuring her. “They said, it most probably because he couldn’t bear the pressure from the other prisoner… You know, actually that jerk was an easy target to be bullied… Spoiled brat… Rich… Weak… and… violence… It absolutely not a kind of thing that could be accepted in any way, including amongst the prisoners as well… So finally… he chose this way to end everything… It’s really tragic…”

       “I… I don’t have any idea what to say…,” Jessica uttered. “I know I suppose not to be happy above someone’s death… but, this time… I really couldn’t help to say… It’s very relieving hearing this news, Seobang.”

CHRISTMAS DAY

       I ambled aimlessly on the snowy road. My eyes kept gazing around, enjoying the scenes around me. Children were playing along, building some snowman. Some family passed by; I overheard they’re laughing along talking about some movie. Someone in Santa Claus costume was standing in front of mall entrance, distributing some candies to the children. I walked again, passing over a stage that was about to do some performance for this Christmas night. Everybody seemed so happy. So peaceful. Welcoming Christmas. And me? Hmmmh, I wasn’t really sure about what I was feeling.

       It had already been three years since the moment.

       It had already been three years since our last meeting; however “strangely” I still felt the same feeling toward her, as if it just few minutes ago we met.

       Three years weren’t a short period; everybody must be agreed with me.

       Three years I’d tried to fight back my feeling, though I’d already got the knowledge that I would never make it happen.

       Three years, and I still could remember everything so clearly.

       Three years ago, when I opened up my eyes, I didn’t see the angelic face I’d missed most… There wasn’t her amongst the people surrounding me. Amongst the worry face, mostly run down some tears, that gradually in the end smiled at me, I couldn’t find her.

       At that time I had already got two knowledge that for me actually wasn’t more than thing called “paradox”: my time in this world had not over yet, but our time in this world… had already… been over. Was it paradox? Maybe. Because I was sure you all already known as well that Tiffany Hwang was my world. When I found myself been apart from her, it’s actually was the end of the world for me.

       But when I knew I couldn’t make any sin again, I had to struggle to live. I couldn’t just waste my life. God, had already given me a chance to live once again, probably He wanted me to be a better person by using this second chance.

       Never, in my life, I’d imagined that someday I’d ended my chapter of life with Tiffany Hwang in this way. But, we had to realize… There’s no party that had no end. There’s no any meeting without any end. There’s no forever “our day” without any “good bye”. So I guessed that day was really time to say good bye.

       I stayed in USA afterward, as I had to continue my medication there for some few months. But, as I thought it’d make “slightly” easier to me to move on, I didn’t think to come back to Korea. But I thought I was wrong.

       It didn’t help at all.

       Tiffany Hwang would never be out of my mind even for a second. I knew literally I terribly missed her…

       Sometimes, at the night before I slept, I had a chance to relive everything. That time, I wondered if she missed me too. I wondered if she felt the same way as I did. Or… was she now happy with someone else?

       I didn’t have any idea at all. How about Yuri? How about Jessica? How about…

       Don’t ask me again because same with her, I also didn’t have any idea about them. It wasn’t because I like to not be in touch with them. Of course not. They’re my best friends. They’re my best people I ever had in my life. But I just thought… I would never get over it if I let them come into my life again. Tiffany’s world would never be able to be separated from their world… So would it make any sense if I didn’t make any effort to totally get lost in touch with them?

       The answer absolutely was, no.

       Selfish? It’s up to you to assess me.

       But this time, I celebrated Christmas in Seoul. It was undeniable deep inside my heart I love this city a lot. The city saved a lot of bitter sweet memory between us. Did I hope to meet her? I didn’t know. I was confused about everything. I even wasn’t sure what to tell if I suddenly bumped with her in the middle of road. Maybe, just maybe, I only need to be as casual as possible.

       Yeah, once again, it had already been 3 years, Kim Taeyeon. It meant winter, spring, summer, and fall had already passed through 3 circles. The new president of Korea had already been elected. Justin Bieber experienced some killing attempt from his fans. SNSD had already finished her Japan album and was ready to back to Korea. Everything had already been changed and kept moving.

       There’s nothing to worry about.

       While I was busy losing in thought, suddenly a little boy crashed with my leg. He stumbled and fell backward.

       “Owh…,” I gasped and briskly helped him to get up. “Are you okay?”

       I stared him for a moment and found he’s really cute boy I ever seen. Instead of crying like a child on his age, he act slightly cool and dusted off some snow from his clothes. The way he acted really reminded me about someone… But who… I… I couldn’t able to figure it out yet as the boy had already answered my question.

       “Gwaenchanseumnida,” he said cutely. “For crashing you, jwesonghamnida,” he bowed politely and showed a well-manner, making me couldn’t help but giggle. His parents supposed to raise him up in a very proper way!

       “Josimhaseyo,” I told her before he left. But suddenly a voice yelled out toward him as I caught he was tilting his head toward the source of voice.

       “Kyu Hun!”

       At the short moment I felt my world seemed stop spinning around, my blood felt curdled, I felt so breathless. It was unmistakable… her voice… No No No… It couldn’t be happened.

       At that time, our eyes gazed each other. Same with me, she was jolted in surprise as well.

       We stared each other for a long time, like getting frozen because of the weather.

       Tiffany Hwang.

       “Ah, Omma!” Kyu Hun called out her, who was still stunned at me.

       “A-annyeonghaseyo,” it was the only word I could release at that time. I bowed politely as though we’re stranger.

       A weird uneasy feeling just crept over my whole body. All the things I wanted to do that time were only moving my feet as far as I could, left the place… But my body just betrayed me… I didn’t even move for an inch…

       Omma? Omma? The boy called out her “omma”. I struggled hard to suppress my wryly smile. I tried to smile as sincere as possible. I found my body was slightly trembled. It was absolutely not the first thing I wanna heard in our first meeting.

(Aish Kim Taeyeon… What are you thinking about? Remember, remember, remember… she wasn’t yours anymore… You don’t need to feel this way… Don’t ruin the situation… Don’t make her felt guilty… If she’d reached her happiness now, you had to be tough for her…)

       “Annyeonghaseyo…,” she greeted back, awkwardly as well. We remained silence for some moment afterward. Really, I hate this circumstance.

       “How… are you doing?” I forced myself to do some courtesy.

        “I’m… doing fine… You?” I found her stuttering answering my unnecessary question, as I could see she’s totally fine, didn’t lack of anything… not like me…

       She seemed so fine without me.

       “Oh, fine… Fine, I’m just fine… Like you see,” I spread my hand and laughed freely, like an idiot. But she didn’t laugh along with me. I thought she might think I’m looked so poor and pathetic. No. I didn’t want any sympathy, remember?

       “Your child is Nice and cute,” I quickly added and slightly stepped backward.

       “Oh,” she paused momentarily and looked at her son. “Thank you,” she replied briefly. Her hand voluntarily caressing Kyu Hun’s top of head.

       There’s another short pause again. This time, I really couldn’t stand it anymore. With my last effort, I beamed a broad smile as natural as possible and bowed once again.

       “Uh, I think… I got to go now. Annyeonghigyeseyo,” I said and briskly turned away.

       She didn’t call me back like you offer saw in any drama or movie. No, of course not.

(What are you thinking, Kim Taeyeon? Wake up, dude. It’s real life… Move on, okay?)

       Once I was sure she couldn’t see my face again as my back was now facing her, I hung my head low, peered down, let my tears pour and run down unstoppably, along with snow ball which fell from the sky.

       I murmured to myself.

       Heart, I’m sorry… I couldn’t fight back my feeling. I let you hurt again…

Hi, dude... I've got so many messages asking me to keep Taetae alive!!!

Okayyyy... Granted. Happy? Now, what? Aigooo... pairing him with Tiffany again?

Aihhh.... How could it be right??? I hurt so many people in this story...

Don't make me hurt another innocent people (Fanny's husband and son), please...

to be continued...