CHAPTER 31

“Why you never try to understand my feeling about you... even just a little...

That I really can’t bear to lose you... That I really can’t live without you...

That you mean everything to me... That it’s you, the only reason I still breath until today...”

       Taeyeon muttered under her breath, feeling so devastated disovering how much Tiffany’s remarks hurt her heart already. Though she knew that there’s nothing immortal in this world, she wished Tiffany at least didn’t give up until the time really came. She hoped Tiffany understood in these critical time, Tiffany would struggle to stay alive, just because of her. Because she loved Taeyeon as much as Taeyon loved her too. It wasn’t Taeyeon wanted to be “that important”. No. It was... rather to... Taeyeon wanted to be the reason, at least one last reason for Tiffany, to not give up. She wanted... she wanted at least Tiffany said,”I’ll survive because of you, Tae”, instead of wasting her time by telling her about what to do after she’s gone... It’s absolutely not kind of things she wanted to hear. At least, for now.

       Still playing with her own thought, Taeyeon got into her car, didn’t have any particular destination yet, but all the things she wanted for now was just to leave the place to get her own time for some moment. Perhaps, by doing that she would be able to calm herself down and later, would be ready to face Tiffany again. She knew well about both of them. She knew if she kept insisting to stay there under this circumstance, they would end up to another bickering, and it would only worse the situation. It wasn’t because she’s afraid of getting hurt, but it’s rather to... she didn’t want to hurt Tiffany at all, either by her emotional remarks or anything else.

       For Taeyeon, even it’s only a single teardrops, when it was poured down by only girl she would fight for her love, it would just turn into the hardest thing to bear.

       As she started to drive and wander, the song from the radio just began to play.

“Do you remember me... who’s easily get hurt, easily cry, easily get pain...

I’m still the same... If you see me like this now, what would happen?

...

I want you and want you... and ONE...”

       And immediately, the song just rang a bell for her. She squinted her eyes for a moment and meanwhile, Tiffany’s image just appeared on her mind. The song titled “Geurigo Hana” already reminded Taeyeon of her.

       It’s... somehow... so similar with Tiffany.

       She knew... during this time Tiffany just pretensed to act strong and though by leaving her, by bearing the pain on her own, by hurting her in hope she would hate and forget her... She knew Tiffany wasn’t that strong. She knew... she cried every night.

       Taeyeon relived the scene again. The scene when Tiffany spoke calmly to her about Krystal and managed to say that she was a good girl, yet... was a proper girl to be her company after she’s gone... And suddenly she realized something.

      The eyes. Tiffany’s eyes.

“Though she acted so calm and poised, but the eyes didn’t tell so...

The eyes reflected pain and sorrow... I... I supposed to see that...

It wasn’t because she didn’t think about me. It... wasn’t because she didn’t understand me... But it was... because now she’s so vulnerable.

This was who she was...

It’s the real Tiffany. The weak Tiffany, the fragile Tiffany, the scared Tiffany...

The girl who needed me most than anybody else...

She just couldn’t find some way to express her worriness, her anxiety, her... everything...

She was so vulnerable and might be afraid of the death... but until the last time she still tried to hide it from me... She didn’t want to burden me more because she knew I might not have anything more to do, to compromise with her illness...

Oh my God... How could I was so ignorant???? How could I don’t realize it earlier???

And now... I’m leaving her whereas she needed me so badly!!

OH GOSH!!!”

       As Taeyeon was about to do U-turn to get back to hospital, her cell-phone was blasting.

       “Please give me good news this time,” she said with her stern voice. Obviously, she’s so tense this time.

       The voice over there was replying her.

       “Jinjja? You find his address? And now he’s in LA as well?”

       “Okay. Text me then. Thanks a lot.”

       Just in a blink, a text message came. Taeyeon impatiently opened it, as she thought it was sort of text she needed for now.

       But, it actually came from...

       Taetae, I’m sorry. I couldn’t bear to see you got mad at me. Where’re you now? I’m so worry about you. Text me soon... I love you. And I’m sorry again if I just can’t make you see how much actually I love you... But I really do.

       Taeyeon slowly smiled before she texted back.

       You don’t need to be sorry. It’s me, who was so ignorant and lack of knowledge about you. Would you forgive this babo once again? I don’t mean to be cocky, but I supposed to know how desperately you needed me... J Don’t worry. I’ll be back to you asap. And, don’t worry too about the “loving thing”... Actually I already saw it through your eyes. I knew you do love me, and will always do.

       Tiffany blinked her eyes several times as she didn’t expect she would get such a sweet message from the person she thought was getting mad at her. The text just eventually curved a smile on her beautiful face then.

       Taetae… I’m so speechless. I hate to admit, but… Taetae… why God created such a perfect creation like you? Taetae, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to piss you off. I know you’d always forgive me, but this time I need you to understand that all the things I said just… just spilled out randomly from my mouth as the façade to cover my actual feeling… Taetae, I’m so weak without you. And I knew how bad I was when… actually… I felt I was a bit jealous when I discovered that Krystal was so adorable. I felt I was nothing comparing to her… It made me… bit crazy, but I just couldn’t let you know as I knew I supposed not to feel that way!! But I’m just a human. I’m just a girl. A girl who terribly in love with you, and dreadfully afraid to lose you… Taetae… When I said those words, half of me wanted to cry out, while the other half I tried to let you go and I indeed trust Krystal to take care of you, but if I can choose, I don’t wanna die. I want to take care of you as long as I can… And I love you as much as your desire to keep me stay with you.

       Tiffany jolted in surprise as the next sound from her cell-phone wasn’t kind of message tone one, instead, it was incoming call one. But in a blink her expression just turned into brighter as she found who was calling her.

       “Jagiya… you made me stop driving…,” Taeyeon pouted over there.

       “Wae???”

       “I can’t drive with blury eyes. You’re so mean,” she mumbled again, making Tiffany suddenly been happy.

       “Omo… Are you crying?”

       “You never talked as blunt as it…”

       “W-was I?”

       “You always tried to face against the world on your own. Remember when you were first diagnosed with leukemia… you even didn’t let me know and instead… made me got you wrong…”

       “It’s because I know you’d get hurt to see me hurt.”

       “And you think by being dishonest to me it wouldn’t hurt me?”

       There’s a short pause.

       “Mianhae…”

       Taeyeon smiled calmly. “Have I told you that I can bear hurt no matter how much it was… I can endure it, don’t worry. But I just can’t see you bear it. So really, never worry about it.”

       Tiffany couldn’t answer again. She cried touchingly. And smiled realizing how lucky she was.

       “You know what…,” Taeyeon murmured. “Tiffany, everything you do just make me know how much I love you.”

       Finally Taeyeon arrived in front of the house… house where… he lived… Yes… Tiffany’s brother lived.

No matter the way… I have to convince him to help his sister. I don’t believe he would be so mean toward her…

       Taeyeon knocked the door for several times and didn’t wait too long the door was squeaked open and there’s a tall handsome guy popped along.

       “A-annyeonghaseyo,” Taeyeon greeted.

       “May I help you?” the guy asked.

       “My name is Taeyeon… Are you… In Sung Oppa…, Tiffany’s brother?”

       The guy raised one of his eyebrows and nodded, puzzled.

       “Do you mind… if we talk… inside?”

       The guy thought for a moment before nodding his head and widened the door.

       “Just wait for a moment. And uh, anyway… as you see… this living room is so messy. What if we talk in my room, at the corner of this corridor? Just make yourself comfortable. I’ll go get some drink for you.”

       Before Taeyeon have any chance to reply, the guy already left to somewhere, presumably the kitchen. Taeyeon didn’t have much choice and she just obeyed as the guy asked, then she waited patiently inside the room.

       Not long afterward the guy was just back again with a cup of tea onto the tray and put it on the nearly table. Now he faced Taeyeon so now they’re sitting face to face.

       “So, the same question again, may I help you?” he asked again, impassively. “Oh yeah, please take a sip. Sorry, I just can make you some tea.”

       “Oh…, thank you,” Taeyeon took some sip and gulped it. There’s a short pause before finally she spoke up.

       “Er…,” Taeyeon trailed off. “I’ll be to the point… I heard that your bone marrow was suit with your sister’s one…,” Taeyeon gave the clue, but the guy seemed so nonchalant.

       “Geurom?” he acted fool.

       “I believe you know what I was heading to…”

       The guy laughed. “What makes you think I would help her?”

       “I don’t even think you will but I have no choice and I have to try, and I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude… but if you’re not willingly to do it… I’ll make you do it on my way…”

       “Ah… Interesting,” the guy nodded. “You must’ve known how my relationship with my sister.”

       “I know that,” Taeyeon replied briefly. “And I’m not in the position to give some assessment. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t meddle into sibling business. But I just want to remind you that no matter how, she’s your sister… And… and… if you don’t have any intention to help her… why did you do the test to match the bone marrow?”

         “What kind of stuff you think more interesting than money in this world, Taeyeon Ssi?”

        “For Johny Cash sake… So, it’s all about the money. Fine then. It would be easier! How much Tiffany paid you??? I’d pay you hundred more…”

       “Calm down, Taeyeon Ssi. Tiffany didn’t know it. My father did pay me. Ironic? Pathetic? Think as you want. I don’t give a damn. But this time… sorry, I’m not interested in your offer. Now, just leave.”

       “W-what… what did you say?”

       The guy waved his hand indolently. “I said I wasn’t interested with your money… Taeyeon Ssi…”

       “Or… should I call you… Director Kim…”

       Taeyeon was jolting in surprise hearing the way the guy called her… Director Kim? How could he know…

       “Surprise, Director Kim?”

       “H-how could you…”

       “You really don’t remember me?”

W-who is him… Do I know him… But… I really can’t remember

       “Ahhh… Look at me. So pathetic, right. I’m indeed not an important person, not like you… No wonder you don’t get me. But doesn’t matter. I’ll tell you then, Boss Kim…”

       “What about this… Do you remember about a manager you once said would kick his once he popped in front of your sight again? And you blacklisted him as well… And then he got bankrupt… and ahhh such a sad story. No need to share…”

       This time Taeyeon’s heart was almost blasted.

       “Y-y-you… are… the manager of the comedian who… canceled to come…”

       “Ah!” In Sung snapped his fingers. “Good memories. I felt honored. Jinjja.”

       “You remember… you even bothered to listen for reason. So typical… typical of arrogant Kim Tae Yeon… right?”

       “I-I’m sorry…”

       “Sorry??? Boss Kim said sorry??? How funny it’s…,” In Sung let out laugh.

       “It might be not important now, but I just want to tell you… in that day, the comedian’s daughter was getting car accident. And you just never give me any chance to explain to you…”

       Now all the things she could do was only crying… regretting… Remembering how jerk she used to… make her terribly guilty… and now it’s time to pay… pay for everything…

       Weakly she dropped onto her knees.

       “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

       “Oh, no, no, no… don’t be sorry. It’s so… pathetic to see an arrogant boss act this way… It hurt my heart…,” In Sung helped her rose again.

       “I know how terrible I was… I know sorry would never be enough…but this time please please… save Tiffany… and I’ll do anything… anything you want… please… please don’t let Tiffany bear my mistake…”

       “Are you sure you can give me what I want?”

       “Anything… Just mention it… Please…”

       In Sung smirked even wider. He scanned Taeyeon up and down for a moment.

       “It’s been a long time I imagined to taste your body.”

       “W-what?”

       “Don’t worry. I will do it smoothly. Now, shall I it, or you’d do it by yourself, Agassi?”

       In Sung took some steps closer. Taeyeon closed her eyes… Now she even couldn’t think of anything… It’s… so unreal… But… it’s for Tiffany… Even if she had to lose everything… there’s nothing more precious than saving Tiffany… She’s willingly to sacrifice everything… though… though…

       Unconsciously, Taeyeon started to her first button.

       While… suddenly she felt so dizzy. Slowly but sure, the image of the guys became blurry. Taeyeon rubbed her head but it just didn’t help… The tea… Was the tea… contained of some… transquilizer…

       “Tiffany… Mianhae…,” It’s all the things Taeyeon could mutter before she lost her consciousness.

to be continued...