CHAPTER 12

TH

       This morning I received text from my father that my brother was getting hospitalized due to stress and fatigue. It made me sad, though I knew I couldn’t do anything with it since… Yeah, I thought I’d let you know how our relationship was. After considering for a moment, finally I decided to make a call to him. After few moments waiting, finally I heard unwelcoming voice answered over there. It was no other than my brother. I used to it so it didn’t provoke me at all.

        “Why the hell you’re calling?” he asked indignantly.

        “Oppa, I heard from Appa, you aren’t well. How have you been?”

       I heard him laughed sarcastically over there and it already emerged sudden pang in my heart.

       “It’s none of your business. Or… do you think your sympathy can change my attitude toward you? You wish!” he said.

       “Oppa, no,” I said patiently. “I sincerely concern about you,” I fought back my tears that already prickled on my eyelids.

       “Mind your own business and it would help me more. You’re welcome.”

       With that he ended the call. Afterward I spilled out my tears on my own, didn’t know anything else to do. I loved my brother and I exactly knew why he treated this way to me. No, of course he didn’t treat me this bad since I was born. I remembered once upon a time we’d ever been the happiest siblings in this world. He always protected me. He never let me down. And I felt so secure with him around me. I was so proud of him… And until now, no matter how rude he acted to me, I realized, part of me would always be missing him…

        He changed his attitude since… since the day… Hell, yeah, I couldn’t stand anymore if I had to relive the scene again…

       Before I had any chance to go on with my thought, my cell-phone had already buzzed again. An unconscious thin smile just curved on my face once I recognized the caller. It was only her, who could always make me felt so comfortable this time. After wiping away my tears and cleared my throat I picked up the call.

       “It’s me,” I said. I heard she giggled over there.

       “Of course it’s you, babo,” she said. “What are you doing now, Fanny~ya?”

       “Ummm…,” I trailed off, trying to provide an answer but I just didn’t make it. “Nothing,” I said.

       There’s pause moment in between before she spoke up again.

       “Are you okay? Seems you aren’t,” she suddenly asked. Her tone turned into worrying one.

       “Oh, I’m fine…,” I quickly said but as usual, she didn’t want to listen; oh no, more accurately, she didn’t buy my lie. She’s too perceptive.

       “You aren’t,” she said. “Even when I’m million away from you, you won’t have any idea how to lie to me,” she continued.

       I gave up and thought it would be fruitless if I kept denying, so I just heaved a huge sigh. It was also provided her the answer, I thought.

       “Lunch already?” she asked.

       “Not yet,” I replied briefly.

       “Okay, just wait for me. I’d pick you up,” she said coolly. Before I released any answer, as usual, she had already ended the conversation.

       It was one of the parts of her that I thought… I’d always be missing for… and I wouldn’t find in any other person. How could at the same time, someone showed her coolness and her caring side? I bet, only one person in this world could do it. It was no other than her.

       I had already waited for her at the parking area; so once her car popped, I just got in and found her beamed her smile at me. Her face was cute and beautiful as usual, apart from worry expression that she couldn’t conceal behind her smile toward me. And I felt terribly guilty as I guessed it was me, the one who already aroused the mark on her face.

       She didn’t immediately run her car instead she pulled the seatbelt and buckled it for me.

       Day by day I just realized, she treated me even better, even sweeter, and it made me like killing myself, for couldn’t give her anything in return. I wasn’t that ignorant. I knew I hurt her a lot. So, please don’t curse me that much, Readers…

       “You cried, didn’t you?” she asked me gently. Her tone wasn’t kind of judging tone, but rather to understanding one.

       Discovering me didn’t immediately answer she angled her face slightly more and stared at me deeply, as if I provided some answer on my face.

       Before I realized it, her thumb had already run across my cheek hence wiped the tears suddenly streamed away. Afterward, her fingers touched my chin and slowly tilted my face to look at her. Again, I found her displayed a warm smile up to me.

       “Dong Hae again?”

       I shook my head. She frowned and her eyes like asking me ‘so what’s it’?

       “Can you just take me to the park, Tae?” I managed to say and she just nodded her head. She didn’t ask any other question and just brought me to the place I asked her previously.

       Once we reached the park, she just turned the engine off. There was a silence engulfed us for a moment before finally I noticed she just patiently waited for me to give her some explanation.

       “I never told about my family to anybody else before,” I finally piped up and she looked like slightly taken aback. But at the next second I found her already managed herself again. She held her gaze on me, and inside her both pupils I could only see maturity and patience, and it touched me already.

       “Is it something bad happened to your family?” she asked me gingerly. “I hope you can share it with me… I can’t stand to see you bear all bad things on your own, but…,” she trailed off as she seemed dubious, but finally she just went on. “But… if you mind to let out any family privacy to me… I’d just be cool with it. But still… I wish I could do something to make you cheerful again. I really can’t stand to see you sad this way.”

       Her all sincere words just made me cry even worse, but seemed she misunderstood it as I caught her gasped in panic.

       “Owh… Mian,” she said solemnly in panic mode. “Did I just spill some wrong words to you? Jinjja mianhada,” she said.

       I shook my head and managed to stop my sob. Afterward I unbuckled my seatbelt and she seemed confused looking at what I was doing. But she remained silence and patiently wait for what I was going to do next.

       I didn’t spin out again. I just snuggled into her chest. I poured my tears here and I could one of her arms wrapped me while the other caressed my back of head.

       “Gweanchana… Gwaenchana… Just tell me what I suppose to do, Fanny~yaaa… You have me here. Tell me everything and I promise, I’d make it up to you.”

       After finally my sob ebbed, I slowly pulled away from her hug. She unbuckled her seatbelt as well and hauled her handkerchief out from her pocket, then silently dried away my tears.

       “What if we get out and sit on the bench?” she suggested. I nodded feebly and followed her.

       Once we found a bench, we just took a seat and before I saw it coming, she had already wrapped my back and guided my head to lean on her shoulder. Actually, I was about to do it, even if she didn’t ‘invite’ me to do it. Her shoulder was the only place I needed so bad now.

       While spacing out straight on the street, she my head, and again I knew, she just waited for me to start it out.

       “Tae,” I began to tell. “This morning I just got news that nae oppa has been hospitalized.”

       “Owh, I’m sorry to hear that. What happened to him?” she asked in concern tone. “Is it why… you cried?”

       I shook my head. “Not really,” I said and slowly lifted my head and now looking at her. I found her threw me puzzled look.

       “Appa said he’s only stress and fatigue. Nothing’s more to worry about but…”

       “But what?” she asked gently.

       “I knew it had been a long time and I knew I supposed not to cry. I should have used to it, but still…,” I just babbled unclearly.

       “Fanny~yaaa… Chonchoni,” she asked me to speak slowly because she didn’t get it.

       “Oppa hates me a lot, Tae. I can’t stand it,” I said.

       “Wae??” she jolted in surprise.

       “Because… because of me, omma gone…,” I uttered and this time, I started to sob again.

       “When I was seven, omma saved me from the truck that was about to crash me… I suffered from nothing but… it paid too much… Omma lost blood too much and eventually she…”

       “Doragasyeosseo…,” Taeyeon finished the sentence from me. I nodded again.

       “And your brother blamed you for that? It wasn’t fair at all, Tiffany,” she said and shook her head.

       “I think I deserve…”

       Before finishing the sentence, Taeyeon’s finger had already touched my lips hence made me hushed.

       “Nobody wanted it happen, including you. Didn’t your brother think that during this time, even without blaming you, you’d already bear the pain because of the loss? How could he put all the blame on you? And how could you think you deserve the way he treated you? It didn’t make any sense, Tiffany.”

       “I don’t think he hated you because of it,” she continued. “He just couldn’t accept the fact that his beloved mother was taken away from him, not when he’s till needing her so badly. And the only way he could do during this time was looking for someone where he could spill out his anger. And the person was no other than you. It was a make-sense explanation I can provide to you.”

       Once all the mature remarks I never heard from anybody else before spilled out from , suddenly I realized, the person caressing me now was indeed the same Kim Taeyeon I once thought I would spend some though day with her during my “punishment time”… But now I knew… the same person I once thought as the irritating and annoying one was the one who could make me feel some way I would never find to be with anybody else.

       Let me tell you something, Readers. If you thought I didn’t love her, you’re totally wrong then.

       “Geurom… ottoke Taeyeon~aa? I really miss him… miss our kinship…,” I admitted.

       I felt like a losing child this time, asking for enlightenment from a wise adult. And I felt so comfortable with all of her wise answer and thought. I swore she’s really the one who I needed so bad this time. I had no idea what would gonna happen to me if I didn’t have her beside me right now. God, thank you… for sending an angel like her… Thank you…

       “You’re Christian, rite?”

       I nodded but still couldn’t decipher where she was going to bring this conversation to.

       “Have you prayed for him during this time?” she asked me.

       “All the night, Tae,” I admitted, still holding my gaze on her. She widened her smile at me.

       “Be faithful,” she released a brief but firm answer, and it just made me taken aback.

       “You prayed for him at the church as well, don’t you?”

       I just nodded again.

       “Okay then, from now on, every Sunday I’d accompany you to go to the church.”

       I swore, I really didn’t get this.

       “But… you aren’t… Christian… are you?” I asked dubiously.

       “I might not know a lot but all the things I knew there’s one part of the Bible said that where two or three people summoned and prayed in the name of Lord, He’d come in the middle of them,” she said seriously and I knew at that time my eyes widened in surprise and my jaw dropped open.

       She, still holding her smile, carefully touched my chin to close my mouth again, then continuing afterward.

       “I may have not known your God yet, but I always believe He’d listen to our prayer. I’d help you to pray for your brother. I hope the more people put the prayer, the faster He’d show His generousness. Gwaencahna, Tiffany. Be faithful. God doesn’t give what we asked; instead, He’d give us what we need.”

KTY

       When I saw her gradually smile afterward I felt so thankful and happy as well. Finally, I could get rid the gloom expression of from her face. I kissed her forehead afterward and when I found her eyes gleamed with brightness again, I knew I’d already made it for her. She hugged me tight afterward, until I felt I slightly breathless, but of course I didn’t give it a damn. Even she could kill me if she wanted. Haha. Oh no, I was to spazzing. LOL.

       Finally she slowly released her hug and I just noticed she sweat a lot. I just realized why. I shook my head in disbelief and frowned at her.

       “How could you wear long sleeve in this hot summer like this?”

       She made a face and I knew what she’s intending to do. It just ‘saved’ herself from my scowl already.

      “I don’t want to be tanned…,” she mumbled.

       “Great. Now I even have no chance to scowl at you,” I pretended to pout and hell, my sly stupid girl briskly cupped my cheek and with her fingers, she turned my lips up so now I just could smile at her.

       “Smile at me, Taeyeon~aaa, please?” she pleaded. Of course I couldn’t stand it.

       “Oh God, I’m just like your toy. You could bend and fold me, unfold me, anything you want,” I murmured without realizing it suddenly made her sad.

       “I don’t mean it, Taetae,” she said sincerely.

       “Ani ani ani,” I quickly said. “Stupid me. I don’t mean it, Fanny~yaaa. I’ve already told you, I love you. I’d do anything to you.”

       But surprisingly, my answer didn’t seem work out this time. She just gazed down and it made me wonder.

       “Hey, I said sorry. Please scowl me. Please angry at me. But don’t too long. Okay?”

       Slowly she lifted up to meet my eyes.

       “I am not angry with you,” she said. “I hate myself.”

       “Wae?” I asked in surprise.

       “I hurt you a lot, Tae. I wasn’t blind. I knew everything.”

       “What are you talking about, Fanny~yaaa?”

       “Is it the way a sister love her sister?” she suddenly asked, and this time all the things I could do was gulping only. I didn’t dare to answer her. I couldn’t just deny, either justifying it.

         I hung my head low afterward. I was so afraid at that time, if I might tell. I was afraid losing her. I had no idea if she already sensed my feeling toward her. What if she regarded me weird? What if she considered me gross? Oh, God, please, not now. At least, give me some little bit longer time to relish some moment with her.

       But, afterward I could feel her hand gently touched my chin to make me look at her.

       “Mianhae,” it was the only remark I could say.

       Strangely, she only shook her head, but… smiling.

       “It’s me, Tae, who supposed to say sorry to you.”

       “M-mwo rago?”

       “Being loved by someone like you is the most beautiful blessing I’d received during my life, Tae,” she said sincerely.

       The time she let the words out was the time (no, I wouldn’t describe it now, skip it).

       “Thank you for loving me,” she said. “Thank you…”

       I cupped her cheeks carefully and stared deeply into her eyes, looking for some gap to see any lie, but wonderingly all the things I could see were only the truth and sincerity then.

       “S-so… during this time… you already known…”

       She nodded. “I might be stupid, Tae. But my heart was still able to work well.”

       “B-but… but… I didn’t get it, Fanny~yaaa,” I suddenly felt dizzy as so many questions popped up in my head.

       “Y-you don’t love me, do you?” I summoned my courage to ask the question.

       Again she shook her head, while her hands wrapping my neck.

       “Is it all the things your heart can say?” she asked.

       “Huh?”

       “Is it all the things your heart can say? That I don’t love you?”

       I didn’t dare to answer.

       “I love you, Kim Taeyeon. I love you, a lot. If I could find another word to describe my feeling into you, I’d surely declare it to the words. But…,” she trailed off.

       “B-but what?” To tell the truth, even with additional words “but”, I didn’t mind, man! The confession that she loved me that way… was MORE THAN ENOUGH for me… I felt like the entire world now was on my side!

       “You can’t accept love from a girl? Because if you think so… I… I… have nothing more to do with it, Tiffany. It was out of my authority. But maybe if I have another life, I’d ask God to let me be a guy. And I’ll come to you again.”

       “Aniya!” she said in surprise, half screaming.

       “I never thought so,” she said and cupped my cheek.

       I didn’t know how to react afterward. I didn’t know whether I supposed to be relief or sad.

       “So… what’s it?”

       “I just don’t want you to get hurt. Because… someday you’d get hurt if you keep loving me like this,” she said sadly, but I really didn’t get it.

       “If isn’t hurt, it isn’t love, Tiffany,” I stated.

       “You don’t understand, Tae…,” she shook her head.

       I shook my head as well. “I don’t need to understand, I just need you to let me love you,” I said, with pleading tone.

       “I don’t want you to get hurt,” she stated back.

       “I’d even getting hurt thousands time only to see you once again,” I said seriously.

       “Don’t say that way,” she remarked surprisingly.

       “But I’m serious.”

       “My love for you… doesn’t request anything. I don’t ask you anything in return… So you don’t need to be guilty at all… You don’t need to be sorry… You don’t need to feel like you never give me anything… Just let me… love you, Tiffany…”

       She didn’t answer anymore. Or if I might tell, she probably couldn’t find any other word to answer stubborn Taeyeon anymore.

       After a short pause, suddenly she pulled me closer by my neck.

       “Tae,” she whispered.

       “Ne?”

       “Still remember… you ever told me that at the time you kissed me… you told me it wasn’t counted as a kiss?”

       “Hmmm…,” I replied confusingly.

       I saw her smiled.

       “Now would you let your lips show how the first kiss should be, in a proper way?”

       She closed her eyes. I found myself dumbfounded.

       But it didn’t take so long as I felt sudden urge inside my heard to finish it.

       Slowly but sure, I leaned forward. I angled my face a bit and let my pair of lips met her company. Once they brushed each other I felt like Heaven and Earth had already blended into one. I felt like flying to the sky, holding her in my arms. I felt like after passing through the storms, finally my ship casted to the shore, with my beloved one we snuggled each other and saw the rainbow together. I felt like all the dreams and questions about love I was been wondering since I was a child came into reality. I felt like many parts of romantic scene I usually could only see at the movie dragged out into real scene with me and her as the main role. It was all hard to describe; I didn’t exaggerate it, either didn’t try to over-describe it, but, really, the moment I gave her lips a try, was the moment I’d surely die thousands time, only to experience it once again.

       Tiffany Hwang, thank you, for giving me this honor.

       And Dear Amazing God, thank you for answering my prayer, even before I had any chance to ask it to You…

*Doragasyosseo = passed away (honorific and past form)

*Chonchonhi = slowly

Hi, Readers, how is it? I knew you probably been pissed off with previous chapters...

since yeah, ya know what I meant, but eojjol su eobseo (I have no choice)... I have to write down that part...

Now I hope this chap satisfy you enough. Please drop some comments to encourage me.

Ya know, actually I'm running my first novel now (I supposed not to focus on this fic too often),

but yeah... still, this update always like haunting me, and again, I felt like abandoning my novel for a while.

I hope from tomorrow I can concentrate on it and hope I can make it happen! AMEN...

Oh yeah, actually I just wanted to cut this update until end of TH POV,

when Taeyeon revealed her maturity and said about faithful thing, etc. Whadaya think?

Do I successfully bring the scene into real? (Or nearly to real)? Huhuhu

But, I think I want to make your day, so I add little bit more. I hope it works!

Oh yeah, I want to state once again, all the role and plot in this story were fiction only.

I don't have any idea about their real life, religion, etc, so please don't take it seriously.

Comment geurigo manhi saranghae juseyo and gamsahamnida!

to be continued...