[Tiffany’s P.O.V]

I arrive in Korea with a messy head a day after the photo shoot. Yunho oppa and Yoochun oppa are still in Japan to do whatever job they still have, so I came back alone but Changmin, Junsu oppa and Jaejoong oppa were there to pick me up.

I wish I can tell Changmin about what happen during the photo shoot, but I can’t. It feels like I’m stabbing his heart. Other people think that I don’t know about his feelings towards me. The truth is, we’ve talked about it before. We promised to keep the friendship since we can’t take our relationship to a higher level. I just can’t, the feeling is not there and I love Changmin as a friend.

I quickly hug all three of them and their hug really calms my troubled head a bit. After the photo shoot, I truthfully feel something when Yunho oppa look at me. His eyes is telling me that he loves me more than anything in this world but who knows, maybe I was too delusional at that time because of the kiss? I still love him, everyone knows that. Getting the kiss was unexpected but getting my first kiss from the one I love, and the kiss feels so sincere is more unexpected, moreover when the person you love told you that they don’t love you.

“Why are you frowning?” Junsu oppa asks while waiting for Jaejoong oppa in the car to come back with coffee.

“Nothing much, maybe I’m just tired.” I said. They smile at me and tell me to rest after drinking the coffee. But really, who sleeps after drinking coffee? It’s just their trick anyways.

“Oppa is doing this on purpose, right? I told you I don’t want coffee.” I said to Jaejoong oppa. Jaejoong oppa smile to me, it’s like a body language telling me that I’m right.

“Just try and rest at home. I don’t believe theory about coffee won’t let you sleep.” Jaejoong oppa said and drive the car towards Changmin’s house.

“I have work, so I’ll come back a bit late today. Like what hyung said, just rest.” Changmin said to me. I smile to him and just keep quiet the whole time being in the car, even though the three boys were so noisy.

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I lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling lost in my thoughts about what happen in Japan. After the kiss, it was a bit awkward between Yunho oppa and me but after reaching the house, with the help from Yoochun oppa, we turn back to normal. But it’s still weird because Yunho oppa’s attitudes towards me change though. He becomes sweeter and more protective before. I wonder is it because of the kiss, or is it because he gains back his memories?

I reached for my phone that is ringing so loudly and annoyingly, disturbing my deep thought. I got a message from Yoochun oppa asking if I’ve arrived safely and if the others pick me up or not and about where I am right now. I replied all of his question and turn off my phone.

I wish I can read people’s mind. I really want to know what Yunho oppa think when he kissed me. I want to know if he feels anything when he kisses me sweetly the other day. I mean, for a photoshoot, we just need to show our lips touch but he did it more than that. It became something special! I hope I’m not the only one feeling the difference.

Caffeine, what are you trying to do to me? I’m tired right now, let me sleep. No, maybe it’s not the caffeine’s fault, but my own mind. I need to stop thinking about the kiss, try and act professional, only talk about it if Yunho oppa bring it up. This time, I want him to bring it up and set everything straight. If he still has no feelings towards me, just say so, don’t leave me hanging there and I’ll try my hardest to move on.

For my whole life, my heart had love only one man, Jung Yun Ho and no one else besides him. If I tell my heart to move on, will it move on? If it still stubbornly loves Yun Ho all these years, still love Yun Ho even after he forgot who Hwang Mi Young is, will it move on now? Will it move on when it didn’t after all the heart break it gets? What can I do to stop my heart from hurting?

My heart, I feel sorry for you for not being able to move on. I’m sorry that I can’t love someone else beside that man. I’m sorry I keep on letting you bleed and hurt. I’m sorry that I know no one besides that man. I’m sorry that I couldn’t look at other man besides him. I’m sorry.

The tears unknowingly flow down my cheeks, feeling foolish of myself who keep on loving the same person even after all the heartbreak I receive from him. What am I supposed to do to really accept the idea that Jung Yun Ho will never love me and I need to move on? He will never feel the same feeling with what I have for him. Jung Yun Ho will never feel the hurt I feel for loving the person who won’t love us back.

Dear heart, I promise to you that if by today Yun Ho oppa still don’t call me, I accept that it’s just work for him and nothing more. I will try my hardest to move on, and you need to try your hardest to stop loving him. I need to move on from him if there’s really nothing called love between us. 

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Sorry that I didn't update for a while.

I was having a bad writer block, nothing came out from my brain. 

But I was really happy and touched by the support you all gave me. 

When I was able to make people cry reading my fan fiction, it just makes me realizes that I maybe did a great job at expressing a one-sided love feeling.

I will try to update more. 

Sorry once again. 

There are more chapters to come.