Chapter 34: Different, Anxiety and Insecurities

The members, the staffs, the managers have noticed that Jungkook has been quite lately and frequently disappeared whenever they were about to have a dinner, or about to go out to have some fun. And it seems like Jungkook isn't himself whenever he's in front of the ARMYs. Usually, he would smile and wave around at the fans but since the new year, he has been quiet and din't interact that much with the fans. Also, whenever Jungkook wave at the fans, the fans wouldn't go crazy like they were before and that made the rest of the BTS members worried. Did something happened to their maknae that they don't know? What went wrong?

It was before the 2017 ISAC, before Seoul Music Awards, before Golden Disk Awards and other award ceremony on the month of January and Febuary that the members noticed of Jungkook's weird, unusual behavior. It was another normal, cold morning in Seoul, Seokjin was seen at the kitchen with Jimin as they are preparing breakfast for the rest of the members. “Jiminnie, maknae didn't tell you anything?”, Jimin shook his head to the oldest member's question and heaves out a soft sigh before rubbing his cheeks. “I don't know what's happening, hyung. Whenever I asked Kookie about it or mention about the fans, he would go quiet all of a sudden and just brush my questions off. Like, its weird.”. Seokjin looks at Jimin while the younger was washing the dishes before humming lowly as he thinks. “Do you think something happened between ARMYs and Jungkook that we don't know? Probably something the fans said that turned Jungkook like that?”. And Jimin almost slip the plate out of his hands before managed to catch it and he looks at Seokjin worriedly.

And both of Jimin and Seokjin think that the maknae's weird behavior has something to do with the fans. After their little conversation, Seokjin called out the members for breakfast and Jungkook walks out of the room before immediately went towards Jimin to pull him into a tight yet gentle hug. “Good morning, hyung.”. Jimin blushes and hugs the maknae back tightly before pressing a kiss on his cheek. “Good morning, Jungkookie.”. One by one sat down at the dining table and Seokjin started handing out plates and bowls to them before they started eating. As they were eating, Hoseok speak up which receives the attention from the members. “Have you guys watch our Rainism performance at 2017 MBC Gayo Daejejeon? The camera work is okay but when I see a fancam of Jungkookie dancing to Rainism, wah! It's no joke. Our maknae looks really handsome.”. Jungkook who were eating suddenly stopped chewing his food and looks down to which both Seokjin and Jimin noticed. Seokjin decided to ask Jungkook right now, it's now or never. “Jungkookie, what's wrong? We've been noticing that you're kind of quite and distant lately. Did something happened that we don't know?”, Seokjin asked before Jungkook placed his chopsticks and went straight to his room.

Namjoon rubs Seokjin's back when the oldest member covers his face with his hands. Yoongi stayed silent but deep inside, he cares for the maknae and he's definitely will do something to make Jungkook tell them of what had happened. After the quiet breakfast time, Taehyung is helping Seokjin washing the dishes and the younger just look at Seokjin before he looked at the younger that caught Taehyung off guard. “Before you ask, I'm okay, Taetae. I'm just worried about Jungkook.. He's never like this. When Hoseok mentioned the Rainism performance and our fans, he just got up and go.”. Taehyung rubs Seokjin's back gently before pulling the older in for a tight hug. “Everything will be fine, hyung. Let Jungkookie rest for now, he's probably tired and let's give him some time to think and sort this out. Maybe, he's just doesn't know how to tell us about the problem. You know that he's bad at expressing himself.”. Seokjin nods his head twice in response before continue to wash the dishes with Taehyung's help.

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Jungkook who was sitting on his bed is now biting his finger nervously, hundreds, thousands, millions of thoughts; bad thoughts, anxiety, insecurities running through his mind. What if the hyungs watched the fancam and think of how ugly I am? No. What if they mock behind me? What if they think that I'm a worst dancer? What if they think that my singing was out of tune? He thought to himself before messing his own hair and falls back on the bed. Everyone thinks that Jeon Jungkook was perfect, that he doesn't make mistakes, that he doesn't care about other people and that he always know that he was the best one but no, he isn't perfect, he make mistakes, he cares about other people and he knows that he isn't the best one. But why, just why, people had to point out his dance skills, his imperfect skin? He's a human, a teenager with hormones so of course that his skin would be imperfect but people just have a grudge against him. The saddest thing is that, some of his fans even hate him for having the spotlight