The snow has been falling like soft cotton from heaven as I look outside through the window for the umpteenth time. Nothing’s to even look forward to, but I was somehow eager for 8 PM to arrive. Not like I don’t want to stay and take care of Luhan, but somehow because it’s the 24th of December today that I feel this certain excitement in me. Maybe, it’s the hype of the occasion that makes me want to go out of this room in an instant. But then, I can’t really tell him what I want because he has no one to celebrate Christmas Eve with, and it’s only me who chose to stay in his hospital room after everyone had gone.

Suho, Kris, Xiumin, Yixing, and the girls came today to throw a small party for Luhan. He really had fun and I could tell that he was genuinely happy when he saw everyone here a while back. We ate, played a few games, and shared conversations that pretty much livened up the atmosphere in his room. It was until it was six in the evening that everyone bid goodbye to him and left, that the party ended. I could tell, Luhan was a bit sad during the parting portion but nonetheless it was only of longing, seeing that he has to spend his Christmas in the hospital again since fatigue put a toll on his body again when he thought he was already fine to move a lot.

“Still here?” The voice asked, and whipped my head to the direction to see Luhan’s mother and father standing by his doorway.

I smiled and nodded at them. “Yes Mr. & Mrs. Lu. I stayed since he didn’t have anyone to accompany him before. Well, I thought you both wouldn’t be able to make it?” I asked with a sheepish grin on my lips since I was really surprised to see them both and at the same time relieved because Luhan’s finally got real company.

Mr. Lu sat on the couch across from Luhan’s bed, while Mrs. Lu took her time to take a look at her son who is currently sleeping. She caressed his cheek longingly and kissed his forehead softly. I was so touched by the sight that I couldn’t stop staring at the two figures. Mrs. Lu gazed at me at the same time I was still eyeing them and she knowingly smiled at me for some reason, that I felt my cheeks flush and made me look away for being caught.

“We were supposed to fly to Hong Kong today but I guess cancelling it to be with our son on Christmas Eve wouldn’t hurt. He’s our priority after all. Business will have to come after him.” She said with a sweet voice.

I grinned wider upon hearing her say that. “Well, I guess you made the right choice.” I told her, “Being with someone you love in such a special occasion is still better after all.”

She nodded and strutted towards me only to pull me in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around me and rubbed my back in circles. “You are right. So, how about you go home now and spend your Christmas Eve with the people you love too? I’m sure you have been dying to do that.” She chuckled heartily before pulling away from me and looking in my eyes while holding my shoulders.

“Thank you for everything that you are doing for our son. You don’t know how glad I am that he has a friend like you, Nana.” She uttered out thoughtfully.

The genuineness in what she said made me smile wider. “Well, it’s nothing Mrs. Lu. Luhan had been there for me too when I was in his situation. I owe him why I’m still here. That’s why I’m here for him this time. I will support him till he gets cured, and I will still do that even after that. He’s my best friend after all.” I beamed and made my eyes smile for me and speak for me.

“You just really see him as a best friend huh?” She playfully asked, making me feel so dumbfounded for being questioned like that.

Blushing, I nodded shyly and heaved a small smile. “Yes. Best friend.”

Hearing the older man in the room chuckle his heart out both of us shifted our attention to him. Mr. Lu heaved me a smile as he looked away from the magazine he was holding. “You two have been so inseparable for almost 5 years now, and yet he must have not yet confessed to you?” He asked, making my face redder than ever from the constant embarrassment.

“I—well,” I scratched my head and averted my eyes from him when I realized I don’t know how would I be able to tell him without making him feel bad that his son actually already confessed to me and I had to reject him.

“Wait…” Mrs. Lu suddenly interrupted as she eyed me meaningfully, “Don’t tell me he actually had the courage to finally confess to you?! How? When?!”

Being bombarded with those questions, I just had the urge to look back at Luhan. I was hoping he could help me in this situation but thinking that he’s asleep made me feel a bit burdened. But when I looked back at him, my eyes rounded when I noticed the ghostly smile on his lips. I gritted my teeth when I realized he must have been faking his sleep and listened to our conversation so sneakily.

Wanting to get back at him for fooling us like that, I looked back at his parents and smiled sheepishly. “Well, it must be that Luhan’s actually faking his sleep right now so how about you hear it from him?...A-anyway, Mr. & Mrs. Lu, I’ll be going now so see you again one of these days! Merry Christmas!” I jabbered out before rushing away from the room to escape.

I sighed loudly in utter relief when the door to Luhan’s room has been finally closed behind me. “That was close.” I snorted when I realized how stupid I looked when I desperately took my escape.

“Well, whatever. Luhan will do fine in explaining everything to them, anyway.” I muttered to myself as I detached myself from the door and tried to whistle in my delight, but basically failed in making it sound like a whistle since I’m not really good in doing it. Oh, whatever.

I got out of the hospital, hopping my way as I got out of the lift and to the cold breezy winter atmosphere outside of the huge building. Snow has been piling even at the side street that I took more careful steps since it’s quite slippery whenever the snow melts. Christmas has always been this kind of winter wonderland every year, not to mention of it being extremely cold to the point of dropping to -15 degrees and yet still being very appealing for young lovers to walk in. I’m not a fan of the cold so I’m amazed how couples could still enjoy it even if it’s very torturing in my opinion. I just don’t get it.

Will I actually enjoy it too if I happened to be walking side by side with Jongin on the street like that? I snorted at the thought since it can only be a dream. That’s not happening today, at least, even if I’m quite envious of these couples passing by me. Of course it won’t. Definitely. How can it even be the case when unfortunately that guy and the other boys have to attend a party thrown by their school student council today? He probably wouldn’t even go home early today since they might be drinking and having fun on their own. How lucky of me.

I covered myself more with my jacket when the wind blew stronger as I sulkily trudged my way home, alone. I should be feeling happy going home right now but I bet not being able to actually spend this day waiting for Christmas with the person I have been expecting to spend it with spoilt my own excitement. What’s the meaning of it all, if he’s not there?

I sighed as I stopped in front of a shop and just found myself wanting to get in after seeing many couples shop in it. “I guess doing a last minute shopping to find a gift for him wouldn’t hurt. It just has to be delivered to him, tomorrow.” I told myself and slipped inside the shop.

A girl, about my age, greeted me with a smile. I bowed in return and greeted her a ‘Merry Christmas!’ before looking around the shop. Apparently accessories, mostly for couples, are being sold in the shop so I don’t really know at first what to buy. I’m not the type of girl to share couple themed things with someone so I don’t want to buy those as possible. Mostly, it was Jongin who would be always the one to insist on buying those to boast about our status in the past—just like the couple rings we had, the identical scarf we owned and other stuff. It has always been him who was the more excited one, the more expressive one, and the one who puts more effort. Not that I’m not trying to make things work for us, I was just probably not as expressive as him around so many people. But when it’s just the only two of us, I know he knows how I comfortably express myself to him.

Anyway, one more reason I don’t want the accessories for couples is that because we still aren’t there. We’re taking things slowly, dating at times when we have the time, going to each other’s house when we can, talking on phone calls, and knowing each other better, has been what we have been doing till now. No rush. Since I know we can have all the time in the world now.

But although things have been somehow going smoothly, I know we still have issues. It has never been the same since I broke up with him before, after all. We’re still awkward. We still have our measly fights. Jongin’s still being cautious not to hurt me. I’m still being careful not to get hurt. Not to burn. Not to crack. Because, I feel like I had enough of the heartbreak and perhaps one more fall would make it hard to piece me back. I’m trying to consider a lot of things at the time being, because basically ever since I have been afraid to get back with him for so many reasons. One, being that I am afraid to hurt him. Two, being that I may lie again to him and make things even complicated, Three, being that I’m still afraid he still has those doubts on me. Four, being that I still have my own issues to solve. Five, I feel like I was being unfair to him almost all the time because I spend less time with him now since I’m often with Luhan. I understand that he’s being patient with me spending more time with my best friend than him after knowing the truth, but I can also see the sadness in his eyes every time we need to share a brief goodbye. It was heartbreaking to see him like that, that sometimes I ask myself whether I can really make him happy.

“Do you need any help in picking a gift for your boyfriend?” I snapped out of my own trance when I heard the same girl speak to me. I looked at her and unconsciously said a ‘yes’ even though I didn’t understand what she just told me.

“Well, if you are planning to give him one of our accessories how about choosing a piece that relates to any of his interest? Like picking this necklace with a pendant shaped like a music note because he’s into music—“

I have instantly tuned her out after hearing her opinion and trailed my eyes on the pieces of jewelry in the racks. There were different designs from intricate ones to the simplest ones. I’m not really fond of things that looked too complicated for me so I always go for the simple ones. I focused on the simple designs and smiled when I saw what I was looking for.

“Can you please give me one of these?” I pointed at a certain necklace and the girl nodded in response before getting the piece from the rack. She was supposed to wrap it up but I shook my hand in front of her and smiled.

“That’s not necessary anymore. I’ll just be the one to keep it.” I told her, so she gladly gave me the piece of jewelry and I carefully slipped it inside my coat’s pocket. I paid for what I bought and told her to keep the change since she was really kind and I guess she deserved extra credits for being such a nice employee.

“You’ve picked a simple design, but I believe you’ve chosen it for a special reason?” She spoke out in a friendly manner.

I nodded as I touched the necklace inside my pocket and smiled at her. “Yes. I picked it because he loves seeing stars so much that he can actually look at them all night long.” I told her honestly.