"I-I was told a patient named Luhan has been brought to this hospital. D-do you know what room he's in?" I asked the personnel in the help desk, a little out of breath and panicked as I reached the place. My whole body was trembling uncontrollably as I watched the lady type something in the computer and heaved a glance at me.

"May I know your relationship with the patient?" She asked as she raised a questioning brow at me.

"I-I'm his friend. Someone from the ER called me and told me to come for Luhan." I jabbered, and the lady only sighed.

"He's in the third floor, Suite Class, Room 309." She informed me with a nonchalant tone, "Please sign here in the log before you proceed." She pushed the log in front of me, and I immediately filled up the form with the necessary information needed.

I sprinted to another run, avoiding the lift since many people have been waiting in line, and instead used the stairs to reach the third floor. I was almost breathless when I had planted my soles on the smooth flooring of the classy floor. Obviously it's incomparable to the other parts of the hospital were I had been, but at the same time, this brings back so many memories with Luhan. I've always played with him here before when he was confined here four years ago. He had leukemia then, like me. And we became good friends because of that one commonality.

I brushed aside the happy memories when I finally saw his room. Room 309. My palms were profusely sweating when I reached out for the knob.

How come I still feel nervous about this when I'm very well aware about these kind of incidences? It's not so new. I'm very familiar with the symptoms, the side effects of the drugs in one's body, the fatigue one must go through in the process, the pains. Maybe, the fact that I do all know that, and that I have to get reminded of it again made me shudder in fear. Fear of seeing Luhan suffer.

I clutched tighter on the knob, my sweaty palm on the cold metal, as I finally slid open the door. The nauseaiting view of the hospital white room isn't surprisingly there. Instead, a five star hotel-like suite greeted me—with neutral colors painted on the walls, portraits hanging, a large waiting room set up for guest with couches, flat screen TV, and music player in it, a kitchen area, a bathroom, and a passage going to the patient's room. The whole room has a centralized air-conditioning suited for anyone recuperating and a heater was also set up if the cold becomes too much. I sauntered going to Luhan's room, and found him sitting on his queen size bed, engrossedly reading a book that would sometimes make his lips twitch up. He looked healthier than I have pictured, and that made me sighh loudly in relief. The sound I made though disturbed his peace, and made him turn his attention to me.

"You're here?" He asked, his lips curving up impishly.

"You don't want me here?" I asked back, a little disappointed that he has to ask me a question like that. A simple 'hello' would have sufficed but—

He chuckled and shook his head as he closed the book he was reading and placed it on his bedside table. "I was kidding. I didn't just expect you to come since you still have classes." He says.

I bobbed my head and plopped on the chair beside his bed. "I would have stayed in school, but unfortunately someone called me up and told me my friend Luhan was brought here so I panicked and mindlessly left school for you. But it seems like you're fine. Are you perhaps faking it?" I teased, and he chuckled knowing that I was just trying to cheer him up.

"I wish I was." I heard him mumble softly as he looked down and clutched on the sheets that was covering him until half of his body.

I felt my shoulder get heavier by the second when I saw his sad expression. "What happened?" I asked him as I placed my hand over his left hand.

He flinched a little at the contact, but when he relaxed, his hold on the sheets loosened. "The doctor said I was just a little fatigued since I'm playing exhaustive sports." He uttered out, his brows creasing furiously together as he continues to look down on his hands.

"Soccer?" I uttered out absentmindedly, involuntarily getting reminded of Jongin for a few seconds until I shook off thoughts of him.

"Mmmm." He hummed and sighed. "They said, I better keep playing to a minimum if I don't want to tire out so quickly too often." His tone was sullen. Luhan's obviously disappointed about what the doctors told him.

"That's just like saying for me to stop breathing." He says, irritated, before messing his hair harshly.

I felt sympathy for him, knowing that he loves soccer more than anything. It's true, just like he said, that it would be like asking him not to breathe when they told him that. But I feel like he would need not to take their advice in a bad light if he wants to enjoy soccer for a lifetime.

"But don't you think they are right?" His head suddenly shot up to me when he heard my comment, "I mean, they only told you to take it to a minimum. They are not asking you to stop playing. You could still do soccer, but they are just reminding you not to overdo it Luhan. Take their advice into consideration if you don't want to be in a worse state." I told him calmly yet with utter seriousness.

He looked at my face, tracing the hard features of my expression as I continued to look at him with a serious demeanor. "You're right." He finally smile, and ruffled my hair.

"I guess I was just thinking too much again." He uttered out, before letting his hand drop down on the sheets of his bed. "These past few days I still feel fear even if the doctors assured me that I have a huge chance of recovering from my leukemia since it's not the gravest." He sighed again, his lips curving downward. Even sadder.

"It's just that, I'm experiencing it all over again. The first was terrifying, but the second time is nothing compared to the first. I mean, it's not that I'm fearing death... but more like I'm fearing to know what the people who matters to me would feel when I die—"

"No one's dying." I interrupted him, biting my lower lip as I felt tears welling in my eyes. "So why are you thinking like that?! Didn't you tell me before that you're going to be brave? That you're going to fight?! You even asked me to be your strength! Yet, why are you chickening out?! Are all those words just empty ones?! Then I shouldn't have been here! Because the people I hate the most are people who easily give up and says empty words!" I knew I snapped. I knew I screwed. But I just felt like I want to say to him what I've been trying hard to hide in my chest after his fear confessions. Of all people? Luhan? Why the heck is he suddenly becoming too frightful when he was that boy who cheered me up all the time when I was sick? He was brave. He was my strength. And I didn't know that the guy who never showed weakness has his own kryptonite.

In fact, his fear has always been mine.

What if we leave the people we love without being able to say goodbye?

How would they feel?

I abruptly stood up from my seat to take my leave, but before I was even able to go further, a pair of arms have wrapped around my waist from behind. Luhan rested his chin on my shoulder, his hot breath fanning on my hair, his body was pressed on my back that I could clearly feel the loud thumping of his heart. I was stiffened in place, unknowing of any move to take or words to say, since the situation seems so peculiar to me. I mean, being friends with Luhan for such a long time, we seldom share hugs or something like that.

"I'm sorry." I heard him mutter in my hair, but I remained quiet, waiting for him to say more. "I-I won't think pessimistically again. I won't let my fears eat me, just don't... just don't leave me." He sounded like he was pleading.

I placed my hands over his that were clasping over my waist to free myself from him but he only tightened his hold in response. "Please. You will, right? You'll always be with me, right? Like old days?" He uttered out more and more pleading, like my answer was the one thing he was holding on to.

Of course, I would never say no to him. Our friendship goes beyond history, but somehow his pleadings made my heart throb in anxiousness. Because he was asking me to physically and mentally be there for him all the time, when I've already subconsciously committed myself to Jongin. I mean, I made him the same promise. And would I risk making the same promise with another person that is practically at the other side of Seoul? What if the time comes when they both need me at the same time... no scratch that... why am I thinking so hard about this when in fact, it's just so easy to answer? 2 more weeks Kim Nana. You can fulfill this one. If not for Jongin, then at least for Luhan.

He needs you. Your friend needs you.

"O-of course." I affirmed, yet I still stuttered when I did. The fact that I'm half-hearted about it made me sound unsure.

"Thank you, Nana." Luhan uttered with a gentle voice as he freed me and patted my head.

I turned to him, and the huge grin he displayed in front of me somehow washed away all my worries. It was nothing that I've seen before, and how I wish I will see it often from now on. His cheeks were in a shade of pink, but it's probably from the warm temperature his room was emitting due to the heater. He scratched his head awkwardly as we continued to stare at each other, until I broke off the eye contact and trailed my gaze to his bed.

"Go back to bed and rest."I instructed him, but he only furrowed his eyebrows and frowned.

"But—"

"You would listen to me if I were you." I raised a brow at him and pressed my lips into a thin line.

He bobbed his head obediently before scurrying towards his bed and plunging under the covers. I bit back a smile at my cute manly friend trying to hide his fear of me bursting at him, and went closer to him only to tuck him in bed properly. He smiled as his eyes trailed on my face, but I just ignored him because I was used to him looking at me like that. Somehow it was his habit that I noticed but never even once attempted to ask him about.

"And we're here you little !—Oh my g-gosh!" Luhan and I abruptly looked at the direction where the raucous voice had come from, and my eyes rounded at the sight of four undeniably good-looking guys that stood by the passage from the waiting room.

“Oh hey!” Luhan exclaimed and stifled a laugh. “I didn’t think you’d all come!”

I gazed back at Luhan and then at the four guys in front of us. He seems close enough with them just by the way he greeted them. Are they the friends he was talking about before? I noticed someone from the group then who never tore his eyes away from me. He looked surprised, his dimpled cheeks were a little noticeable because his lips were somewhat twitched up into a small smile, and I was nothing but self-conscious that I averted my eyes away from them and looked down.

“Oh wait.” Luhan suddenly gripped on my arm, making me blink at him and then at the boys, “Nana, they’re the friends I was telling you before.” I bobbed my head at him and waited for him to speak again.

He pointed at the tallest guy who has sharp features and uttered out, “That’s Yi Fan, but you can always call him Kris.”

His point finger travelled to the next guy, he was surely handsome, goody-two-shoes type of guy just by his looks, “That’s Joonmyeon, but he prefers to be called Suho.” I nodded to his direction and smiled at Suho, who apparently didn’t mind returning the gesture. His smile was much to my liking, attractive, that I found myself blushing.

Luhan points to the next guy, the guy next to Suho—he looked cute, and would it be rude if I say that he doesn’t look like he’s the same age as the guys next to him? “That’s Minseok hyung, but people around school call him Xiumin.” I nodded back at him and smiled at Xiumin who returned it with a cute smile that made him look more youthful.

“He’s the oldest, by the way.” I gaped at Luhan and the still smiling Xiumin and pointed at the same guy, trembling.

“How?!” It sounded a little rude and stupid that I instantly covered my mouth and said a muffled ‘sorry’ that didn’t seem to go unnoticed since they all laughed by then. But seriously, how come Xiumin looked so young for his age?!

Luhan cleared his throat, though he still looked quite amused by the situation. “Anyway, the last guy is—“

The last guy, looked like someone I’ve seen before, but no one I could pinpoint as, stepped forward and smiled widely at me. His dimpled smile made the flaring of my cheeks even more prominent. He was too handsome that I can’t help myself but feel a little fuzzy inside. He held out his hand to me when he was just a two-feet distance from me and said, “Kim Nana, right?”

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, trailed my eyes on his hand he was offering, and then gazed at him with silent inquisitions that he seems to notice, “Remember? Lilacs? During sixth grade?” He uttered out with a smile filled with anticipation.

I racked my brain for answers. Lilacs? Sixth grade? What the hell? How come I don’t seem to remember?! Oh…wait. “Don’t tell my you’re Zhang Yixing from 6-B that time?! T-that boy who—“ I was embarrassed to continue as the faint memory of that time was a little too much to talk about in front of the boys. It was sure a first to me, and precious, but talking about it was just a bit too flustering.

“Yeah. That’s me. The boy who gave you lilacs during Valentines’ Day