1.   ……………….nausea……..morning sickness…..

2.   Lower backaches….. Chronic headaches…….

3.   ………Food cravings……….food aversion……

4.   ……Swollen feet……excess fluid……..

5.   Slight fever……fatigue……..

Angry. Frustrated. Scared. Tired.

All sorts of emotion were swelling up in my chest. I want to scream, but no sound was coming out from my mouth. I wanted to cry, but there weren’t any tears coming out either.

I stared blankly at my laptop screen, reading the symptoms over again and again.

At that very moment, I couldn’t think of anything else but wanting to disappear from the world.

-

My head feels heavy. I forced myself to open my eyes as I look for the alarm clock on my table. It was past noon, but no one came and woke me up.

It was Saturday. My family is probably out for branch without me. I felt the room was spinning as I sat up on my bed. In fact, I barely had any energy to sit up straight. My abdomen hurts. My sleeping routines were off. I was losing appetite.

I saw the light of my phone blinking. I flip my phone open and saw 2missed calls and 3 messages. There were all from Jin Young. Instead of replying him, I tossed my phone back to the table.

I suddenly have the urge to vomit so I ran to my bathroom. As usual, nothing comes out since my stomach was empty.

I sat on the cold tile as I look up the ceiling, wondering why I feel so lifeless lately.

It’s his fault.

I hate my stepbrother. I really hate him.

-

The vomiting had gotten worse. I would have to run to the washroom on and off in between classes. I was given the permission to go home earlier but I usually just sleep in the library and wait for Jin Young to bring me home.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor?” Jin Young asked me.

I shook my head frantically.

“Come here.” He patted on his shoulder. I went closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He too rested his head on mine as he holds my hand.

We were sitting on the rooftop of the school because I didn’t want to go to the cafeteria.

“Is anything bothering you?” he asked as he caressed my hand with his thumb.

Yes. It’s not bothering me but haunting me. “No.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. I nodded.

He kissed my forehead and pulls me closer to him. “Just rest for now, I’ll wake you up when the bell rings.”

I was tired but I didn’t want to sleep. It feels so relaxing being next to Jin Young, until he started humming a tune, my eyes started closing.

At least there is one person in this world that makes me feel safe. How I wish I could just stay with him like this every day and not go home.

-

The pharmacist placed the pile of medicine I requested into a plastic bag.

“Please wait for a moment, my assistant is taking the last medicine from the store room.”

“Okay.”

I looked around the pharmacy and notice that I was the only customer inside, might as well get it done.

“Erm….can I…”

“Yes?” she smiled at me.

I pointed at one of the shelves behind her. “Can I..…have that?”

She turned towards the cupboard and pointed at a blue box. “This?”

“N-no…that one…the…white box on the left….”

She shifted her hand until it stopped in front of the item that I wanted. “This one?”

I nodded my head slowly without making eye contact. I felt like I was being judge right there.

Well…..it’s not exactly my fault…..

“Okay.” She said. I heard her inserting a key to open the glass door.

“I got the medicine!” a girl’s voice said and placed the bag of medicine down on the counter.

“Mia?”

My heartbeat started beating against my chest and my words were jumble up as I speak.

“Yuri?  W-what are you doing here?”

She laughed. “I’m filling in for my friend. She falls sick. Why are you out shopping alone?”

“Oh…I...”

The pharmacist placed the white box on the counter and scans it.

“What is that?” Yuri asked and lifted the boxed up. “Ommo, isn’t that a-.”

“It’s for my cousin.” I said. “My cousin.”

“Oh…Okay.” She nodded her head as her eyes trail back to the pile of medicine. “T-these too?”

“Y-yeah.”

I quickly paid for my things and grabbed the bag. Before I leave, I turned back to Yuri.

“Please don’t tell Jin Young you saw me today.” I said, holding onto her hand. “Pretend I never came here.”

“Er….Why not?”

“Just…. Just don’t mention anything, okay?” I begged. “Please.”

She sighed and squeezed my hand in hers. “Okay.”

-

“Mia. Mia! Hey!”

I ran as fast as I could down the stairs and make a left turn into the crowded corridor filled with students.

Yuri’s voice was starting to fade. Good, that means she didn’t manage to catch up.

I don’t even know why I was avoiding her for the past few days. In fact I’ve been avoiding everyone. The face that I’m hiding such big news to them was indeed killing me inside.

But then again, sometimes it’s better to hurt yourself than hurting the others right?

A high pitch scream interrupted my thoughts. I turned around and saw myself looking at another person that I never want to see in this school.

Make that forever.

“Urgh! You’re really annoying!”

I rolled my eyes and continued walking.

“Hey! I’m talking to you!”

Jin Ah grabbed my arm and spun me around until we were standing face to face.

“What…”

“You just step on my shoe! Apologise!”

I struggle to get away from her grip but she was too strong.

“Look.” I said. “There are so many people in here right now, how is it that I am the one stepping on your shoe? It could be anyone.”

“Of course it’s you!” she screamed into my face. “And you’re doing it on purpose!”

I sighed. “Alright sorry if I did step on your shoe. Now will you let me go?”

“Have you break up with oppa?”

“What?”

She grabbed my other arm and I can feel her nails digging into my sleeves. “Have. You. Break. Up?” she growled.

I scoffed. “Why would I break up? We’re not having any problems.”

She pushed me backwards until my back was against the wall. I let out a cry from the pain.

“I don’t care! You better break up today! I’m warning you!”

“You really have a lot of energy to scream don’t you…”

Jin Ah’s face was turning red from all the anger she’s been building up. Why is she so angry? That I still don’t understand.

“If you don’t break up with him tomorrow, I’ll make sure you’ll leave the school on your own will!”

I pushed her hands away and stood up properly. “Grow up.” I spat at her and walked away.

-

“Still here?”

I woke up from my trance and saw Ji Ho smiling down at me.

“Oh. Hi.” I said.

“Hmm. Waiting for someone?” He asked, putting a cloth on his shoulder.

“No.” I replied. He nodded his head and bend down to reach for my cup. “It’s still full.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

He pointed at the small plate next to my cup. “You didn’t even eat your marshmallows.”

 “I….I’m still full.”

Ji Ho sighed and sat on the chair opposite me. “You’ve been sitting here for almost an hour now, just staring out the glass. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

He sighed again. “Did you guys fight?”

I shook my head. “No…not really.”

“Not…really?”

I turned my head and looked at him. “Can I ask you a question?”

He grinned and nodded his head. “Sure. Ask away.”

I smiled. “Erm…is it wrong to keep a secret from someone?”

He tapped his chin with his pouted lips. “Depends on what kind of secret it is. Is it bad?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know…” I said, looking out the glass once again.

“Yah Woo Ji Ho! Stop flirting!”

Ji Ho quickly grabbed the cloth from his shoulder and wiped my table. “I-I’m cleaning, okay?”

“Yeah right!” His manager yelled from the counter. “Now get back here and fix this coffee machine.”

He smiled at me and jabbed his thumb behind him. “Gotta go. You take care, okay?”

“Yeah…sure…”