Awkward. That’s right. That’s the word.

Ever since that day, Jin Young was really careful with every single movement he made with me. Somehow I feel like there’s a wall in between us.

Yeah, that’s right. He didn’t give me a morning kiss on my cheek like he usually did. He would only pat my head after sending me home.

I miss his hugs. I miss his cheesy line about how pretty I look everyday even though I was just wearing a plain uniform. I miss his sudden kisses on my cheek when I was busy staring out the window in the bus.

I knew this would happen. I couldn’t imagine how he would react if I were to tell him those stories that I have been keeping it to myself.

“Oppa.” I called him. He looked up from his guitar and smile at me.

“Yeah?”

I stood up and took the guitar away from his hand and sat on his lap.

“M-mia….”

“Are you doing anything for Christmas?” I asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.

He fidgeted uncomfortably on his seat and he tried to pull his hands away, but I held onto it.

“Hmm?” I tilted my head to the side and smile at him, like how those girls would do to get their boyfriend’s attention in dramas.

He looked down on the floor. “Spending time with my family I guess, since you’ll be going to Japan with your family.”

His answer makes me wonder something.

“So…if I don’t go, you’ll spend Christmas with me?” I asked.

He chuckled. “I know what you are thinking. But they are your family.”

Fake family.

“But what if my family decided not to go will you spend time with me?” I asked again.

He slowly lifted his head up and stares into my eyes. “Is there…something you want to tell me?”

No, please not now. Why do you have to play detective now.

“N-nothing. Just wondering.”

He slightly lifted me up to place me on the seat next to him, but I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Just… a moment.” I said softly, leaning my head on top of his.

Normally he would embrace me or my hair, but he didn’t do anything.

And I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Oppa, you’re acting weird these days.”

He fakes a laugh. “Weird?”

“Yeah.” I said, sitting back right up and looked down at him. “Ever since that night, you’re just…weird.”

“How weird?”

“You stop doing what you normally do to me. Like this.”

I gave him a kiss on his forehead.

He blinked his eyes and smiled. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He lean his forehead on my shoulder and started laughing. “That night. I didn’t know what came over me, I ju-”

“Shh..” I hushed him up. “It’s okay.”

He sighs and nuzzled into my neck. “I miss you.”

“Babo.” Was all I said to him.

Without any signs of warning, he grabbed my face and pulled me down for a kiss.

He kissed me once and stop, then he kissed me again. My hands unconsciously slip from his shoulder down to his chest.

He pulled away from the kiss abruptly.

“W-what’s wrong?” I asked.

Jin Young hold my hand and chuckled. “I thought you….”

“You thought I was going to hit you again?” I asked with a laugh.

He nodded his head and laugh along with me. He hugs me closer and mumbled on my lips. “Where were we?”

-

So I didn’t go to Japan after all.

I looked around the empty house after finishing breakfast. Mrs. Kim isn’t around either. She won’t be around for a week from now.

Yes. I even lied to Mrs. Kim that I’m going so that she won’t be worried about me.

The reasons are simple.

One, I don’t want to be anywhere near my step bother. Two, I don’t want to spend Christmas in a foreign land far away from mom.

So I decided to visit her.

I bought a bouquet of daisies. It was her favorite flower.

It was – 7 degrees outside. I wore 3 layers of shirt plus a sweater. Grabbing a scarf and my gloves, I put on my coat and left the house.

Should I text Jin Young? No, I shouldn’t. I’m supposed to be in Japan. Plus, he must be busy with his family right now.

Family. When was the last time I celebrated Christmas with a real family?

Come to think of it, there was never a real family. My father would be busy with his business, only my mom would spend time with me.

Mom. Yes, I am going to spend my Christmas with my mother.

After paying the cab driver, I walk to my destination.

I could see several people visiting their family member’s grave. Some kids were even singing to Christmas carols.

I walked up the hill slowly as the ground was slippery. I found my heart beat accelerating as I get nearer to her.

I kicked off some snow with my boots and sat on the cold ground. I laid the flowers down and bowed.

“Hi mom.” I said. “It’s me, Mi Yan.”

“How’re you doing? I miss you. Do you miss me?”

I wrapped my arms around myself when the wind blew. I pulled up my hoodie over my head and tighten my scarf.

“It’s so cold, mom. I think I’m going to turn into an ice cream soon.” I laugh.

“So…I’m supposed to be in Japan. But I wanted to spend Christmas with you. Merry Christmas, mom.”

“Sorry I didn’t get you any gifts. I’m a terrible daughter aren’t I?” I chuckled.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was from Jin Young.

Hello! How’s my baby girl doing in Japan? Is it as cold as Korea? I miss you.

“Baby girl…” I whispered with a smile. Instead of replying him, I put my phone back into my pocket.

“Mom, this is really sudden but… I have a boyfriend. Do you want to know about him?”

-

Jin Young was chatting with his cousins when his mom called him from the living room.

“Jin young, you have a guest.” She said.

A guest? Who is it? He did not invite anyone.

He walked out and found himself staring at a worried looking Mrs. Kim.

“Jin Young…” she breathes. He quickly escorts her to the garden chair.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Are you sick?”

She shook her head. “Mia…”

Jin Young felt his heart beating faster when she mentions her name.

“What happen? Is she alright? Is she safe in Japan?”

“She…she didn’t go to Japan.”

His eyes widen. “W-what?”

Mrs. Kim holds his hands in between hers. “I went back to check on the house, making sure it’s lock properly. But then…. I saw her room…she didn’t make her bed. Her books were on the floor and there was still tea in her cup. She didn’t go to Japan. She was home alone since yesterday.”

She lied to him? Why? Why didn’t she want to go to Japan?

“She hasn’t come home since afternoon, Jin Young. I couldn’t contact her. I think her phone is switched off.”

Jin Young started to panic. Is that why she hasn’t been replying him? He only thought that she didn’t receive his messages since she was overseas.

“Do you have any idea where she would be?” he asked her. His voice was shaking. Scratch that, his whole body was shaking.

Mrs. Kim shook her head. “I don’t know. Oh Jin Young, please help me find her. It’s so late and it’s really cold. I hope she’s somewhere warm.”

Jin Young stood up on reflex and ran into his house. He rushed out wearing a thick coat while putting on his gloves.

“Where does she normally go during Christmas? Can you remember?” he asked.

She closed her eyes to recall back what she always does in the past.

“Oh gosh. I think I know.”