The sky was turning darker and darker until there weren’t any hint of light. The thunder roar fiercely as the wind blew. Small droplets of water started falling down from the sky.

It was the 3^rd year anniversary of my mother’s death. The weather was so gloomy and it made me felt more depressed. I turned up the volume of the TV as the thunder rumble again.

I was 13 years old.

After we visited my mother’s grave, dad went back to work. My stepmother left after we came home.

I cried silently while hugging my teddy bear, praying for the thunder to stop. Normally I would run into my mother’s arm for comfort. But now, I can’t do that anymore.

I curled myself into the corner of the sofa and covered both of my ears with my hands. I was home alone.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on top of my head. I looked up and saw him looking down at me.

“Why are you here alone?” he asked softly, kneeling in front of me.

As another round of thunder came, I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck and cling onto him. He held me in his arms and my hair gently.

“Shh….Don’t be scared. Let’s go to your room.”

Hyun Jun lifted me up by my waist and made his way to my room on the second floor. After closing the door, he walked towards my bed and placed me down slowly.

I whimpered when I heard the thunder again, clenching my fist around his shirt.

“Shh…It’s okay.” He said, patting my head as he propped himself up on top of me. He gave me a kiss on my forehead. “Shh..”

I buried my face in his chest when he lay down on his side. His hands making circular motions on my back as he kissed my cheek.

I was finally starting to calm down, flinching once a while because of the thunder. Even though I rarely talk to him, I felt safe at that moment.

Until I felt his cold hands on my bare skin.

His hands went up to my back then down again. Then it came forward and he traced his fingers across my stomach.

I shivered at every touch.

“It’s okay. I’m here now. It’s alright.”

He whispered to me and gave me another kiss. This time, it was on my neck.

I knew something wasn’t right. Maybe he was trying to comfort me, but his actions were telling me otherwise.

Hyun Jun’s hand travelled south until it reached to my thigh, hooking the back of my knee and placed it over his leg.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked. His fingers drumming against my thigh as he started drawing patterns on in.

Mom once told me that I shouldn’t let anyone touch me.

“Never let a boy touch you, unless you are very sure he will never hurt you.” I was still very young, maybe 7years old. I wasn’t even sure whether I understood what she was trying to tell me that time.

“And, that includes your father.” She added, tapping my nose gently with her finger while I giggled.

Hyun Jun kissed my neck again but his lips linger there longer than before. His hands were roaming all around my bare legs as he held me closer to him.

That night, I was molested by my stepbrother.

-

I spit for the twelve times. I reapplied toothpaste on my toothbrush and brush my teeth again.

Spit. Apply. Brush. Spit. Apply. Brush.

I cough when I accidentally swallowed some foam. Ignoring it, I continued brushing until I couldn’t feel my tongue anymore.

I sat on the cover of the toilet seat and closed my eyes.

My body was sore. I could feel the burning sensation between my thighs. I couldn’t even stand properly.

With the support of the sink, I slowly stood up and looked at my own reflection in the mirror.

My eyes were red and swollen, so were my lips. There were purple bruises on the side of my neck.

There weren’t any sound coming out from my mouth but the tears were just spilling out for no reason.

I rinse my mouth the last time and brush my lips.

No one on earth brushes their lip, but I just did. And I didn’t care how painful it was, because I can’t feel it anymore.

Scratch that. I couldn’t feel anything anymore.

-

I accidentally clip my hand between the wedges of my locker when I was closing it. I winced as I see my own blood on my palm. Fighting through the crowd, I continued making my way to class.

I turned around when someone held my shoulder.

“Hey baby.”

I didn’t know what came over me. I had a sudden urge to cry.

Jin Young looked confuse as he pull me to the corner so that we weren’t blocking anyone.

“Are you alright? You didn’t reply my text last night. You didn’t even pick up my calls this morning.”

How about you? I was hoping you would suddenly appear in my room like you always do and stop him from taking advantage of me. But why didn’t you come?

Those were the words I wanted to say to him. Instead, I just nodded my head and looked down.

He curled a strain of my hair behind my ears and lifted my chin. I quickly gave him a smile before he could ask me anything.

But he did anyways.

“What happen to your lips?” he asked.

.

I touch my lips and shook my head. “Fell down and bite myself.”

He grabs my wrist and examined it. “You’re bleeding.”

“Oh, right. The locker.”

He sighs. “You need to get treated. Let’s go find the nurse.”

“But I’ll be late for class.”

“Hand. Now.”

I let him drag me down the hallway. My leg hurts so badly that I couldn’t even walk straight. He stops when I tugged his arm.

“Wait.” I panted. “Slow down.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I’m walking on normal speed. Did you hurt your leg too?”

“Hmm.” I didn’t meet his eye.

He suddenly squatted down in front of me. “Get on my back.”

“N-no.”

“Mia, please.”

“I’m fine, let’s walk slowly, hmm?”

We finally made it to the school’s clinic. The nurse wraps my left hand and handed me a bag.

“Apply this after you shower. Remember not to touch water, okay?”

“Thank you.”

She smiled. “I’ll write you a slip.”

She got up and walked out, closing the curtains behind us.

“Better?” Jin Young asked and sat next to me.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

He swaps his thumb over my lower lip.

“This is pretty bad. Are you sure you bite yourself?”

No. “I had a bad dream.”

He raised an eyebrow as he lowers his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why should I?”

He was surprise from my reply, even I was.

“Sorry.” I muttered, looking at my bandage.

He then bends his head down and kissed my lip.

“Better?” He smiled.

Normally I would say yes. But I was shocked. Images of last night started flashing across my mind. When he leaned in again, I block his mouth.

“Thank you.”

Why does my voice sound so shaky?

He opened his mouth and closed it when the nurse came back.

I almost fell from jumping down the bed. Jin Young caught me by the waist.

Before I knew it, I pushed him away, causing him to collide with the nurse.

“Mia…”

“S-sorry, I just…”

“Is everything alright?” the nurse asked, holding onto Jin Young’s arms.

“Y-yeah, late for class.”

I took the slip from her hand and left, leaving Jin Young behind.

I was sure I heard him calling my name but I didn’t know how I manage to escape.

I sank down on the floor outside the music room, clutching on my bag.

This isn’t right, what have I done?