"HongKi, I..." "You two should have tracking devices installed in your heads," SeungHyun stated. I closed my eyes and sighed. HongKi rolled over and looked down on me, "What is it?" he asked worried. "It's not important," I lied. He still was worried. I rolled out from under him. "You know that you even left your phone in the hotel?" JongHun tossed the phone to HongKi. "I know," he seemed upset. "We're doing a fan signing in two hours across town. We have to get going." MinHwan handed me my purse. "Why don't you guys go? I'll catch up with you," I said. "What's wrong?" HongKi asked worried. "I just want to walk around a little more. All I do at fansignings is sit in the back anyways. I'll be there before you're done just send me the address." JongHun handed me my phone. So that was HongKi's hiding place. "Are you sure you're alright?" HongKi asked leaning his head against mine. "Yeah, I'm fine." He kissed me. "Be careful, okay?" I nodded. He quickly kissed me again before getting up and following the others down the hill. Once they were down the hill I turned back and stared at the spacious world in front of me. "It's so big and yet I'm so small. I can't even tell HongKi how small I am compared to him." I set my chin on my knees and let the tear roll down my cheek. "So, so small. I don't even think I could say goodbye when the time comes. What will you do? Just let me go? Beg for me to say? Anything would make it worse. Maybe I should just disappear out of his life before it gets too hard." I thought of the moments with him, "No. It's already gotten too hard."

I sat there for an hour or so. I could see so far on the hill it made me feel like I could see the future clearly. But there was fog covering parts of the bridge and I could see that fog in my future. I stood up and shouted into the wind, "I don't want to die! I want a future!" I clenched my teeth. "How can you let me hurt like this?! How can you give me something so precious and then pull it away so viciously?! How can you give me everything I've wanted out of life after you tell me my fate?! Don't you have any sympathy?! Don't you care about how I feel?" I dropped to the ground in a burst of tears. "I don't want to die." As if a sign of my early demise, I threw up. "Funny. That's funny," I spat sarcastically. I stumbled to my feet and went down the hill. "I can't tell him. He'd be as miserable as me. Why does life ?"

I grabbed some ice cream before heading across the street and in the out. The fans gave me dirty looks but I didn't care. The ice cream now and cheeseburger from earlier that morning had fixed my attitude and I was back to being hyper. The fans in the front were about to throw a fit when MinHwan saw me. "Lyd, did you buy all of us ice cream?" I shook my head. He pouted. I passed behind them. HongKi grabbed my hand, "You alright?" I nodded and held out my ice cream. He quickly took a bite before I headed into the back room. I realized after I sat down how easy it was to change my mood with food. I smiled, "That's funny."