"So, do I look y?" HongKi asked me. "You're wearing a sweater," I stared. "Yes, but I'm also wearing a Santa hat." "You're all wearing santa hats." "Yes, but I look the best, right?" "But you're wearing a sweater." "We're all wearing sweaters!" "Yes, I know. I can see that." "Gah! You're frustrating!" "She just means that I'm the cutest," MinHwan smiled. "You're wearing a sweater." "And don't I look cute?" "It's a sweater. You can't look cute or y in a sweater. It's a sweater!" They laughed defeated. They abandoned me and I brought out my phone and took pictures. My phone rang, "Yo!" I had started it up again. "Hey, how is everything?" "Rachel," I sat up. "How are you?" "Um, I'm alright. Are you living with a guy?" "What? No." "Oh, I see so the fact that you haven't paid for your rent this month means that the landlord just likes you?" "What? It's not paid?" I shot off the floor. "I connected it to Dad's credit...I see. I guess he thinks if he cuts me off that I'll come home." "It'll probably work." "Not likely. I'm strong. What are you planning for Christmas?" I asked. "The usual. There's presents under the tree for you." "I hope there won't be next year." I said it as a joke but it tasted bitter. "Sorry," I said quickly. Speaking of which I pulled out my list and scratched off numbers fifteen, nine, and eight. Six left. I pushed the paper back into my purse.

"What are you doing for Christmas?" she asked. "Spending it with the guys." "The ones that passed us in the hall?" "Yeah," "That guy you like is going to be there." "Yes," "And have you two gotten together yet?" "Almost," I smiled. I couldn't help but smile when I thought about him now. I looked over my shoulder at them getting their pictures taken. "Well, what's happened?" "We...kissed," I sounded like a little girl. "Really?" "Yeah, last night?" "Awe, that's great but can I ask you something?" "Yeah," "What do you plan to do? They don't know, do they?" My smile disappeared. "I have to go, Rache. They're done." I hung up and slid down the wall. She knew how to ruin a mood. I placed my head in my hands. What would I do? I couldn't tell them. I wouldn't. But could I continue to lead them on? They knew I was "leaving". I wouldn't even tell them when the time came. I'd just walk out of their lives as gracefully as I had walked in. I grabbed my things and went into the hall. How long would that be? "Hello? Yes, I'd like to make an appointment."

I had left a note with the assisstant lady and had left. I sat now in the room waiting for the results. The doctor entered. He closed the door and sat down. His face was made of stone. I questioned if he had emotions if he had a family. "So, you want to know how much longer, right?" I nodded. "Well, it's evident that you've been trying to take care of yourself but it hasn't stopped the cancer." "Of course not. I'm sorry but can you get to the point?" He was very solemn as he looked at my folder. "It appears that you'll have to be hospitalized by June." "June?" The SM concert was in July. "By June, yes. If you decide to hospitalize yourself though you might be able to survive until August." "In a hospital," I sighed. "I'm sorry to give you this news." "Yeah, I bet you are." I got up and left.

I sat on the sofa. June. June. I kept repeating it. "June," I said aloud. "June." It's impossible to describe what it's like to see an expiration date tattooed on you. My phone rang, startling me. "Hello?" I had forgotten about that. I hadn't been in my apartment in over a week. "Are you coming to pick up your things?" How could everything go from so right to so wrong in only a couple hours?

(haha! I got ur hopes up with the title didn't i? ha! i'm curious if the chapter made u cry so let me know-k? i hope u're enjoying the story and will continue reading)