I have mixed feelings about this title. Firstly, I don’t like it because it is so passive and weak, making it uninteresting and rather bland at that. One the other hand, naming this fanfiction anything else would sever the fragile balance of symbolic meaning you have implemented into this piece. After actually reading this story, I think that Sunny Day is the most appropriate title choice for this piece and will always be the most appropriate choice because the concept of the “sunny day” is the true heart of this story. I always encourage people to choose symbolic titles that tie into the deeper meaning behind their piece and I think you managed to do that just fine so I not suggest changing your title. In the end, meaning is the most important, so while I did take off two points due to the inability of your current title to hook me, I think you made the right choice.

Just a minor grammar correction on the description to begin with.

“He longs for the warmth under the sunny day, to render him paradise and only that world is capable of bestowing him that need.”

Basically, you need for here to supplement longs because longs by itself is not used. To long is to desire and in order to use it you have to say what you are desiring / longing, which means you have to use the word for.

This is a very nice description, to me, I believe that it revealed just the right amount of plot and shows the metaphor that you will be creating through this story, which is always a good thing. We, the reader, basically are informed that he, the main character, has created a false reality for himself because he was once hurt by the harsh world around him and no longer wants to feel that pain ever again. The effect of this is that it creates two major dominant questions that flourish in the minds of the reader. First, what hurt him in the past? Second, will this ‘sunny’ day of his actually work, or will it ultimately break?

Due to the fact that your description creates these questions, it thus, ultimately, goes to draw readers in. However, it does become slightly draggy at certain parts and perhaps that is a good thing as it goes to set up the tone of your actual piece. This overly descriptive approach does however, cut down on the amount of anticipation or suspense that could possibly be drawn from the events describe themselves. I, myself, enjoy this kind of writing but it may seem a bit bland to certain individuals.

On to your foreword. Brilliance. Really, that’s all I can say about it. I truly, truly commend you on your foreword as it was masterfully executed. Firstly, I must applaud you for understanding that you should have an actual foreword rather than just putting song lyrics. Even if the fiction is based on a song, that doesn't mean lyrics are a viable substitute for story. I really enjoyed the fact that you didn’t go down the route of just putting lyrics as many people do nowadays.

The actual except itself is masterfully down. I can see all the tension and characterization has already unknowingly started. I can even fell my heart tighten slightly at the angst that will surely come. From Junsu’s worry and the conflicting scenario present in Jaejoong’s heart, we can see suspense forming. Even if I were not a reviewer reviewing this story, with this type of foreword I would automatically be drawn in. This is one of the best forewords I’ve read in a while.

“The way he would talk to me, the way his eyes would only focus on me, the way he spoke with his heart…”

That was one of the only errors I caught in this entire piece. And this error was just a simple typo. Your grammar is very good and I cannot dwell much on this topic. However, there were some cases where I was confused if you were trying to write in past or present tense. In a few sentences it seemed as though you were using present tense though the rest of the piece was in past tense so that did get a bit odd. However, I did not pinpoint them out since you did not have disallow text selection unselected so I was unable to pull the specific sentences. I suggest perhaps reading it through once and making sure you stay in past tense.

Speaking solely on Jaejoong, since he is the main and perhaps even sole focus of this piece, you managed characterization quite masterfully. I’ll be talking about him for the next part as an analysis on his character.

Jaejoong is constantly stuck between two different worlds. There is the reality of the world in which Yunho is lost to him and the “sunny day” that he conjures up for himself. He constantly bounces back and forth between these two extremes, trapped by the bounds of both of them. The root of his pain, perhaps, is inability to find the middle ground between these two very different worlds.

Jaejoong’s character, however, is more complex than that. The reason for this is because of the fact that he knows the “sunny day” is an illusion. So whilst he buries himself in it, unlike others who conjure up more hopeful worlds, he dwells in this world under the constant shadow of knowing that it is not real and will never be real. This fact is revealed throughout your story as Jaejoong recognizes that Yunho is gone and while he tries to delude himself and tries to sink into Yunho’s embrace again, he knows that ultimately, Yunho will never come back to him. This point is even further emphasized as a side effect of your italicization of “sunny day”. Due to the fact that this story is in first person point of view, the italicization of “sunny day” comes off as Jaejoong’s thoughts and thus hints at the ironic nature of this day that does not exist.

This conflict is further expanded in the fact that Jaejoong tries to fight this “sunny day”. Time after time he tries to let Yunho go because he knows that that is the best option, but he finds himself unable to. No matter how hard he tries to forget the man and release the man, Jaejoong finds himself falling to memories of their love and days together. Thus, to me, under certain interpretation, Jaejoong’s biggest enemy could very likely be this “sunny day” which was ironically conjured up to save himself. Even in the end, he was unable to win against the “sunny day” as he loses to it once again during his dreams. If he were able to let go, he would not suffer as much, but the fact that he cannot let go, sheds light on the strength of his love for Yunho and his character as a whole.

I think that put together, the various events that occur in this oneshot paired with the significance and details in each of Jaejoong’s choices makes this piece immensely powerful and intricate in the category of characterization. Characterization is further helped by the choice of first person point of view which allows us to fully engage in Jaejoong’s mind and various emotions. If anything, I think that the key problem with your characterization lies in the fact that we know only Jaejoong. Even though Yunho plays a significant role in this story, we do not feel for him because we are trapped within the confinements of Jaejoong’s mind. This is also the key barrier when using first person point of view. However, in your particular oneshot this problem was minor since the key focus was on the inner conflicts of Jaejoong rather than an external conflict.

In all honesty, this is not the most original concept out there, put bluntly, this is actually a very common line of events that many write about across all the fandoms. The specific line I am talking about is the chain of events in which a loved one is lost and the other refuses to let go. This type of plot is relatively common and I have read at least one for each of my favorite OTPs. There was no particular moment in this fiction that stood out to me and screamed “different” nor were there any plot changes or twists that caught me off guard.

That being said, you still managed to score fairly high on the originality section for two key reasons. The first one is the metaphoric use of “sunny day”. I knew from the beginning that there was never a sunny day as you can interpret that quite clearing from the various hints you drop as well as the italicizing of the word “sunny day”. The idea that everything is an illusion generated up in Jaejoong’s head is particularly interesting because you chose to manifest that illusion in the concept of a “sunny day”. I enjoyed the fact that you never explicitly denounced the existence of this “sunny day” but rather subtly hinted at it, and I do think that the motif of this hope and happiness helped make your fic stand out from others.

The second point that managed to allow you to receive a high score on originality was the fact that Jaejoong sees himself in the first manifestation of the “sunny day” as well as Yunho. I think that that was a brilliant choice on your part as we are able to see quite clearly the effects of losing Yunho on Jaejoong and we know that Jaejoong knows this well himself as well. The significance of that is unmeasurable.

I could not help feeling unsatisfied though, due to the relatively unsurprising progression of events. And while I do not see your story as cliché, it also fails to be different. In the future, I suggest at least spending a bit longer on plot even if it is an oneshot centered on inner conflicts in order to develop the story more and make it stand out. This will be touched on more in the plotline section.

This is your biggest fault and flaw in writing this story. The plot, or rather, the lack of plot is a glaring hole in an otherwise perfect story. To tell you the truth, not much happened in this story. Perhaps it is because it was an oneshot, perhaps you meant to focus more on the mental and internal conflicts of Jaejoong, but regardless, the lack of action made the piece dry. While it is perfectly alright to have a mental struggle as the main conflict and guide for plot, it helps to have at least a few interesting external events supplementing it. As it currently stands, your story lacks substance. Everything was extremely linear in progression and easily predictable for anyone who has read at least a few angst fictions. Plot isn’t everything in a story, but it is very important. While I can appreciate the fact that you spent a lot of time developing Jaejoong’s character and making his “sunny day” the mark of your plot, I can help but desire something more. Currently, your story consists of much inner dialogue and occasional flashbacks to their happier days, this restricted action makes it hard to sink into your story and also takes away from the impact your storyline could potentially generate.

Of everything, the thing that stuck out to me most was your writing style. I knew it would be wonderful from the moment I read your introduction paragraph. That first paragraph, the amount of scene description that went into it was nothing less than breath taking. You have a wonderful way of making language artistic and painting scenes with words. Throughout the entirety of this oneshot, you never lost that breathtaking way of description and that made it so there was no possible way I could take away even a point for mechanics. Your style as a writer is captivating and I appreciated it, especially given the fact that all of your stylistic choices added impact to the story and were put there for a purpose rather than just to add words to paper.

The flow of the piece also runs very smoothly and everything is was easy to follow. You chose a good timeline for an oneshot as everything was able to be covered a good pace without going too fast or dragging. The way you sequenced your piece around the “sunny day” helped add to the ease with which your story could be read so good job there.

The one problem I did have with this piece was the very last (?) paragraph. If you noticed the question mark, this just basically means I’m confused. When I saw the asterisks and the paragraph underneath it, at first I thought it was still part of the story but after and as I was reading it I was utterly confused and managed to convince myself that it was an author’s note...then I saw the actual author’s note. The reason for my confusion is because one, it changed points of views and two, it seems to be a reflection on the deeper meaning of the story which is usually included in an author’s note as an author’s interpretation of what they had written. Even now, I am unsure of your intension with this. Personally, I think this paragraph would be better in your author’s note because I think “It was a sunny day there too.” Would be a better ending sentence as it has some of the characteristics of a vague, open cliffhanger. It is simply a stronger end.

Three points for the concept of the “sunny day”. I think the selling point of this story really is that concept and the fact that it manages to tie in completely with the song is even better. I truly thought the symbolism behind this imagined day is vivid and perhaps even thought invoking. It was very well executed and you managed to tie the “sunny day” back into everything that happened within the story so that dictates compliments for this extended metaphor.

Perhaps I am a very emotionless reader especially since writing and reading too much angst has sort of made me immune to angst stories that do not explicitly break me. That being said, which I truly enjoyed this oneshot especially given the evident care that was put into it, it did not exactly touch me. I was truly hoping for something a bit more heartbreaking at the end. But likewise, not everything can be heartbreaking. I suppose it’s just the fact that the ending did not satisfy me. Sure, I feel sorry for Jaejoong but that isn’t enough to make me feel touched. Then again, making someone touched is extremely difficult. In this specific scenario I think you really had the potential to make this something heartbreaking, but due to the relatively calm end, you failed to engage enough of my emotions to end with me having an emotional outbreak. Of course, this is just in my opinion.

Stylistically, I feel in love with this oneshot. You have a brilliant mastery of the English language and I must have said this a million times already, but you truly do and thank you for making this such a beautiful read.

This was truly a brilliant read and concept and I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Upvoted and will be recommending it later. I hope you all the best in the future and I do apologize that this was less of a review than it was a showering of you with compliments. I look forward to your future works and feel free to request again whenever.

Also, I really liked the fact that you provided a link to the song where it was on repeat. I was listening to the song as I read this and I’d really like to thank you because I think I have a new song that will be played on my playlist a lot now. It really is a beautiful song.