Your title intriguing and has suspense, it also relates to the story partly, but it wasn’t really screaming anything interesting. 

To be honest, it didn’t really interest me. I wasn’t eager to read the story when I saw the description. You tagged it as Angst and Fantasy, but it seems more like comedy to me. As for the description, it just seemed like a camping trip with an “Arabian Nights” twist to it.

As for the foreword, you just took snippets from the story but it really didn’t speak out to me, it was plain.

There were no spelling mistakes and too many grammar mistakes, but the whole things seemed rather confusing. Too many dialogues at one point, too little explanation as to what was going on. Everybody was speaking at once a lot of the time, so maybe you should work on that!

You didn’t take the time to explain the characters a lot, so it was very blurry at the first few chapters. The readers need to understand the characters, but all your characters were only given a little characterization and a lot of pointless dialogues.

It was original, I’ve never read anything like it before but it was too confusing to enjoy at some parts.

I enjoyed it but it was very messy at the start, you got better, but it’s still messy; sometimes you don’t understand what is going on, sometimes you do.

Your story was labelled angst, and a lot of stories with this label have very detailed and beautiful ways to describe every series of events happening when your story seemed more comedic and you were rushing to get to the and to create suspense. Furthermore, the chapters were short and sometimes left me feeling a bit dumbfounded.

I think the idea of the story is really good, but you must take some time to blossom your story more. The first few chapters were just too messy for some readers to continue on.

From a readers perspective, I think your story is very funny and interesting, but too jumbled.

Work well on your story and try to spend more time on the details! Even the smallest counts! Good luck!