(Rose) When I read the five chapters, I was a little confused why you called it rose. However, when I actually started using my brain a little, theories formed within my mind (which I would mention later).

Your title is fine in terms of length, grammar, and spelling/capitalization, so I’m not taking points off for any of those things. However, in terms of creativity and memorability, it does not have much going for it. There are over a dozen stories called “Rose” on AFF, and your title could also easily be confused with the even more numerous other titles that mention a flower's name.

The word 'rose' can be interpreted in many ways. In terms of tone and mood, it matched your story in some cases. One of the definitions of rose is the shade of colour. When you looked at your title from that angle, it did not make sense. However, she might flush a shade of rose whenever she sees Sehun, in the future but the future in unpredictable and I am probably wrong with this theory. If this is what you meant then I would be disappointed because it does not sum up the whole story, just her emotions, which is not what you want to focus on.

The next definition is the past tense of rise. In this situation, I do not think your title make sense at all. However, when I thought about it a little, she might rise from her depression of being abounded by Yoona. Rose from the dull faced chick that she is.

The final meaning behind the word is the actual flower, which is probably what you meant. A rose has many thorns. It is beautiful, and to get a closer look you will need to find a way around the thorns. Sehun probably would find that way to get a closer look. This is what you call symbolism. If this was why you chose the title rose, I applaud you.

Did you make the lyrics to the song? If so, is that where you got your title? That is actually cool. At first, I just ignored the lyrics but then I spotted rose and began reading it. It makes a little sense. However, I wonder whose prospective the song is playing from. Most likely the girl’s.

"I don't regret a thing. That I met you. That I fell in love with you. If I were to meet you again, even knowing such sadness awaits me, I'd definitely fall in love with you again."

Descriptions, in my opinion, are usually in third person. Despite this fact, I still do not feel as though your description did a good job of attracting attention. Your title amazed me a little then your description was like an anchor to my excitement. Descriptions are similar to blubs of books, which is very important because that is the second thing a person reads after the title. When I read it, I was not encouraged to read on. It did not captivate my attention neither did it leave a question in my mind. I did not understand what the main conflict was going to be. To simply, you description did not do its job right. The only thing I found out from these words was it is going to be some sad love story.

Suggestion: Im Yoojin's isolation from the world seemed to captive the attention of Oh Sehun. On the path of evaluating her story, he seemed to have fallen deep in a hole that he would not wish to return from. (This is just something I pulled together. You do not have to use it o change your description, if you do not want to. However, consider using this as base for future stories or making a new one for this.)

The content of your foreword looks fine for the most part. You gave proper credit for everything. I am disappointed you cluttered it with a pointless character profile, though. The quotes and description you put in there could be shown through their actions in the main story. Therefore, I found that inappropriate. For example: Sehun's emotionless face contrasting his actual personality is already been shown in the story so it is unnecessary to point that out in the foreword. 

Your spelling was fine but there were some mistakes here and there. A few were repeated and others were not. I will point them all out but will only take marks off for the ones that were repeated because the others were careless and could be spotted if you proofread it.

Mistakes and corrections: chesnut -> chestnut; businesman -> businessman; cruelest -> cruellest; behavior -> behaviour; teenaged -> teenage; explaination -> explanation; drawned -> drawn; honor -> honour; Behavioral -> Behavioural; lets (in chapter four, fourth paragraph) -> let’s; pedaled -> pedalled; pedaling -> pedalling; dramtic -> dramatic.

Your grammar was not as great as your spelling. I could understand what you were trying to say; the mistakes were more of the technical variety. I will list the mistakes, correction, and explanation below.

         Mistake one: “SM Academy was a private institution. It catered mostly to the wealthy and powerful. Students who attended SM Academy were usually the sons and daughters of rich businessmen, company CEOs or famous celebrities. For Im Yoojin, it was totally different.”

Correction: However, for Im Yoojin, it was very different.

Explanation: In this paragraph, you are trying to contrast Yoojin’s entry to the others. Therefore, you should use the word ‘however’ when you started the third sentence about Yoojin. In addition, although "way," "way too," "real," "mighty," "plenty," and "awfully" may be used informally, consider rewording your sentence for a more formal or traditional tone. Therefore, using the term ‘very’ instead of ‘totally’.

Mistake two: Memories are an oxymoron. They're bittersweet images that flash through your brain. The can either make you remember the sweetest memory or the cruelest remembrance of something you want to forget.

         Correction: Either they can make you remember the sweetest memory or the cruellest of things that you wish to forget.

           Explanation: Firstly, you accidently put the instead of they, which makes the sentence awkward to read. Secondly, within the course of two consecutive sentences, you used the word “remember” twice times, once in each sentence. Since both sentences were rather short and the two instances of “remember” were close together, it was noticeable. It is okay to use the same word more than once within a story or chapter, but if you repeat it in a place close to the previous instance and not for emphasis, that weakens the writing a bit. Therefore, I changed it a little by removing the word ‘remembrance’.

         Mistake three: It's always better to protect yourself. The best way not to get your heart broken? Pretend that you don't have one.

         Correction: The best way not to get your heart broken is to pretend you do not have one.

         Explanation: I made them into one sentence because the question did not fit and it was an incomplete sentence. Why would she question herself, in the first place? She should state it as a firm fact to emit more impact.

         Mistake four: Murmuring could be hear and as he looked up, she realized that she didn't walk into a wall but rather, she walked into a boy.

         Correction: She heard murmuring so looked up to realize that she did not walk into a wall but rather, a boy.

         Explanation: It’s like a cause and an effect scenario. Because she heard murmuring, she looked up. That was not clear in your sentence. You wrote it as though it was two different scenes. In addition, I do not think a male’s body is as hard as a wall. If it were, she would have been seriously hurt.  

         Mistake five: Yoojin whipped her head to the direction of the voice and saw the transfer student standing beside her. She pulled out her earpiece and brought her legs up and stood up on. The falling sensation begin to eat at her feet and she smirked seeing Sehun's face go pale.

         Correction: She pulled out her earpiece, brought her legs up, and stood up on. The falling sensation began to eat at her feet. She smirked seeing Sehun's face go pale.

Explanation: Firstly, if you are listing three or more items in a row, consider replacing all but the last of the conjunctions with a comma. Place a comma before the remaining conjunction, removing repetitive subjects or verbs if necessary. Secondly, you mixed your tense up. It should be in past tense, however, you used present with a combination of past.

Mistake six: Yoojin who had saw what happened ran over to their table and pulled Yooguen aside before bowing to them.

Correction: Yoojin, who had seen what had happened, ran over to their table and pulled Yooguen aside before bowing in front of them.

Explanation: After certain auxiliary verbs such as "can" or "may," use the base form of the verb. In addition, I placed commas there because the sentence would make sense with or without the words within the comma.

Your presentation had a few problems as well. First, I did not understand why you emphasised the words ‘what is in the name? That we call rose...’ by making it bold. There were just words she read out. Even if they were something, it was unnecessary to make the text bold.

Another issue I have with the presentation is your use of all capitals in certain sentences of dialogue. In general, this is viewed as amateurish and should be avoided in most cases. There are other ways to express an extremely loud volume, such as through description or the identifier accompanying the dialogue.

Finally, you used the numeral form for numbers. The standard rule is that you should write numbers out in words if they are under 100. Usually, in prose, all numbers will be written out in words unless they are not rounded to the nearest ten, hundred, etc., such as 567,891. It would be a pain and a waste of space to write out “five hundred sixty seven thousand eight hundred ninety-one,” but instead of “10,000,000,” you could just put “ten million,” and that would be fine.

You didn’t fall to making Sehun a walking stereotype, so good job on that. However, I didn’t get very strong impressions of his personality throughout most of the story, especially in the first half. In the first scene with Yoonji, she immediately captivated Sehun. This seemed a little unreal. In real life, just because a girl ignored you a boy would not go around asking who she is and how her personality is. Something that you should consider whilst creating the exo characters:  You should avoid making popular people seem like either demigods or demon-spawn. For some reason people like to portray the popular kids as either being super amazing people or super fake and contemptible, with no middle ground and no possibility of it swinging the other way. This may or may not be influenced by the authors' personal views of popularity and what it means and is worth, but seriously, the polarization is a bit ridiculous. There are some popular people who are genuinely liked by many people, and there are others that people will badmouth behind their backs. I have definitely had experience with this sort of variation. Therefore, in simple terms, add flaws that will make them human.

Yoonji’s character was a little better defined than Sehun’s because the readers got more exposure to her. Not all her actions, and words were a reaction to something Sehun had done, which is applaudable. I do not have much to dwell on towards her character because she had a flaw. Even though having a bad past is everyone’s problems in fictions these days, it is still a flaw. However, Yoonji was too in control of the wall that surrounded her. I hope you caught of that, which is one of her weaknesses. The wall is something she should be scared of because it can be easily broken down with the right amount of power.

There was also a lot lacking in the dynamic and relationship between Yoonji and Sehun. Due to the way you wrote their interactions, I never developed a solid understanding of what fueled their attraction to each other.

Girl with a bad past, new school, and a boy that is popular are elements I have seen many times. Therefore, the originality is very weak that the moment. This may be because your story has just began, and there are not many twists. I hope you add your own personalized twists in the future of the story.  

The meeting between the two lead is widely used in many angst fictions. However, she about to fall and Sehun saving her was not so cliché but it was a little unrealistic.

There are three parts to a plot; beginning, middle, and denouement. In my opinion, the beginning has not even finished yet in your story. So far, it has not kept my interest up. However, it is slowly starting to form into a story.  

The chapters were short to get much across. If you want deep plotline, you will have to make it less choppy. However, you story did flow well. The events continued from the previous,

I think the plot suited the genre. There is not much to say because there isn’t much to read.

Tips for the future: For the middle, you should strive for a pattern of conflicts or complications. A complication turns into , which needs to reach its highest level of intensity.

Laws of plot that you should consider: plausibility- the story should be convincing on its own terms, but not necessarily realistic; element of surprise should be present; suspense- we should not know how the story turns out; foreshadowing- hints at the direction the story will take; logical: events should be believable in their relationships to one another.

First of all, I noticed that you used some Romanized Korean throughout your story. Although it wasn’t excessive to the point of being obnoxious, I still think most of it was unnecessary. ‘Oppa’ was okay since those don’t really have English equivalents (brother/boyfriend/senior sound a bit weird), but “Aish” and "yah" could have been replaced with an English interjection that expressed similar sentiments.

For the most part, you did a decent job of varying your sentence lengths, types, and structures as well as your diction. However, there were places where I noticed that you were becoming a bit repetitive.

I am worried about your paragraphing. At times, you used two ‘enter’ space then other times, you use one. For thoughts, at the start, you used two. Then as the story processed, you started using one. You should stick to one of the two because it would confuse the reader in many ways. They might think it’s a scene change or something.

Your linguistic techniques lacked a little. In places, you lacked description, imagery, diction, repetition, and figurative language. For example; in places of dialogues. Since it is third person, you have a chance to explore so much more. What is going on around the character? What is happening in the distance? It will make it easier for the reader to imagine themselves in the setting if described well.

I did not like the way you told us the lead’s characteristics, instead of showing it through your story. For example; Sehun hated school. Instead of saying that, you should have showed him curling under his blanket and his mother pulling him off the bed. This would also show he loved sleep.

For the nice symbolism in the title.

Do not get disheartened by the percentage. Request again when you finished your story because I am so sure you will get a better grade than this! Thank you for your wait.

Keep smiling and stay blessed!