To me, the title says a lot; pretty much the juice for the story. Without that, you're completely lost. Your title does have an element of mystery and excitement but the fact that you've used a couple of different names is quite confusing.  "f a d i n g to black", "fade into the Dark" and "Fade to Black" are the ones I've come by and in my opinion, “Fade to Black" works well with the concept. With that said, your readers will be lured into clicking the link and keeping interest in what you're writing.

Short and sweet - the many things I like about descriptions and forwards. Though I myself have fallen into the trap of creating character profiles and senseless information about the story, you've stuck with what you believe is essential for the readers to, well, read and take into consideration. With that, you’ve chosen to stay forever mysterious and ambiguous to which the readers feel not so obliged but invited to turn to the first chapter.

From before, you’ve nicely situated an excerpt in there. I, as well as many other readers, like to know your writing style and skills beforehand – and yours does have that pulling factor. I did feel that sense of invitation which signals a beginning to more subscribers.

I do, however, have concerns for being super hidden from readers. Though I have said it praises the reader to push forward and continue on reading, it may have an opposite effect on others. I’m not saying to change the entire description but do alter it a bit to add a little bit more spice into the information given.

I had no problem understanding what you were writing out. It made happy how you did go into detail without amounts of mistakes. Your vocabulary was great and did make the story that extra bit interesting. Easily readable? Yes! 

I liked how you made the characters the way they are. Everyone is a unique type and that really makes the story stand out. There isn’t the plain and boring stereotype which makes the reader pleased with what they’re reading. The whole structure of each character’s position is consistent and doesn’t make the reader feel uncomfortable or lost in the story

I haven’t really come across stories like this one so I’m pretty clear on saying that this hasn’t been a stolen plot or idea. I’m not just saying this to be liked or be kind here because I am giving my honest opinion but I do believe that these genres are one of the difficult ones because it does cause the reader to think more about what they themselves as facing as they journey through the lines of the story. From that, I’m pleased with the way you’ve created these mysteries which have the reader on their seats begging to know what is going to happen next, what is who and so on.

There are twists and turns, things that make the readers wide eyes and thinking about it for most of the time. The fact that this story had that dark and mysterious aura just adds to reader’s entertainment and interest. I certainly loved how you made the story the way it was; meaning it stood out from those other fan fiction in this category. The fact that you’ve written it like this just makes the reader think of all the possibilities of what could happen next; again feeding their interest.

Nothing too seriously sticks out in your writing but there are the occasional wrong wordings which can throw the reader off. In chapter one, being my too critical self, I notice the sentence 'It was sweltering and muggy and a commonly unbearable summer day'. I know you're trying to be very descriptive with the weather but the sentence itself is too confusing. The overuse of 'and' in such a confined line makes it unappealing to the eye; as though layer upon layer it’s being broken down. I suggest using a sentence such as 'It was sweltering and muggy; a commonly unbearable summer's day' or something along the lines of that to make is smoother.

Another sentence that has confusing wording is "The seats were shredded with wear and the floors were embedded with a jumble of muddied footprints, and most of the windows were either cracked or missing completely." I understand that your listing the negative view upon the subway but once again this urgency to demonstrates the situation just distorts the reader's train of reading as they have to slow down to understand your words. Avoid overusing the 'and' to make it flow.

I do see throughout most parts of the story that you've made close ties with the comma. Now do not fear because most people go through this phase of overusing it or misusing them. In this case you've done a little of both. Now like I've said before, avoid using 'and' and instead use the comma. However, with your style of writing I understand that you want to put down as much as you can in order for the readers to have that something to hold onto. I believe that you do notice and are trying to reduce the amount in some places it isn't working.

With these things I have listed and have given my opinion on, I advise that you do continue to review your own work in order to eliminate these errors as well as becoming a critic on your piece of writing. That way your writing skills with further expand and the plot will match well with your grammar and spelling. All in all, this will encourage the reader to engage more in reading and have them subscribing and actually enjoying what they see.

The beginning is the most crucial part of the story and I do like how this story starts off. The whole description of the station and trains was realistic and fitted the whole situation of the change in the city.  With the trains being a dangerous form of transport just placed Luhan in that position of being not so a daredevil but a real risk taker. I liked that.

As a reader I did like this story very much. The only thing that bothered me were the extremely long chapters. If you cut them into half or so it would make me feel more comfortable reading on. With them that long it makes me feel under pressure to finish it - usually I do prefer finishing a chapter in one sitting but this was a letdown in the story.

Firstly, I'd like to apologize on taking so long. If it wasn't for the mass amount of schoolwork, tests, stress on top of other matter I would have finished sooner than this. I definitely feel terrible for having you wait and hope you don't find this shop unreliable or anything of the sort (it's just me). Secondly, I did complete review with a cup of hot chocolate and was put under some stress so forgive me for anything that is unclear.

Onwards with the review, you've done well and I enjoyed reading this. The chapters made me excited and wanting more. Not only that but the given poster really sets the mood and, in general, is great for the story.

I do hope my review with comments and advice were helpful; but do not take the mark to heart – me opinion is one of the many others you’ll come across.