I would say this title was very interesting! It's quite unique, short and simple. There wasn't really anything special about it though, just two simple words put together. I'm sure if this story was completed and if I knew of what was going to happen, I could go more into depth about it. But because there are only about four chapters uploaded, I can't say much. It seems to be talking about how many days they get to fulfill the mission. Surely you should explain why it is 57 and not a whole number.

You did capture my attention with the description and I found it nicely written. Apart from the few grammar mistakes and such, it was nice. The average girl and the angel of death repenting for his sins. It sounded really cool and interesting honestly.

The foreword was a bit of a miss for me. It only had a quote, which I can't relate to the story yet due to the incompletion so I can't comment on it. What I can say is that I wished for some really actiony scene or maybe a mysterious scene to really reel me in. I was looking for something really eye catching with this sort of story. You just gave me some characters which I found sort of displeasing. I'm not supposed to know the characters before I read the story, but I let it slide because it was only their names.

This story could've been unique. It really could've, but it wasn't. The writing style seemed like any other rookie or newbie writer that neeeded vast improvement. I pretty much knew how everything was going to play out about halfway through the first chapter. I figured through the chapter titles that would go down and her life would plunder into hell. But I didn't expect everything to happen so fast and it really made me feel like I was reading something from someone who didn't really know what they were doing. I'm sorry if I offended you but it really did.

The originality of the characters is something that isn't special. A bad boy who ed up and now has to repent, a normal girl who doesn't exactly have flaws (which doesn't really make her normal) who's life just flipped upside down (in a very awkward manner that wasn't pleasing to read due to the style) is something that's been done time and time again.

I'm not saying that you scored low because of it. I've seen people take the cliches and make them into something amazing. It's because they knew what to write and what they were doing. I would suggest you go plan out your entire story, if you did already then revise it.

Believe me when I tell you (and please do not feel offended) that your characters have no believability factor. The only character I could say that had a small amount was Minho, Taeyeon and Wufan. I'll get to her in a moment but let's address the main character, Sulli.

Now, Sulli is pretty much like every single other main character in a cliche story on this site. While your story isn't the cliche type that Sulli's character is usually found in, she is still a horrible main character. She doesn't really have any flaws and the only reason people despise her is because her dad was a murderer. It's out of whack and I do understand that people would dislike her for that. But as a reader I dislike her. She's a flat character with zero personality. She's like the hopeless damsel in distress that just keeps on waiting and doesn't do anything.

Minho I would say does have faults and I do like that. He's cocky, arrogant, and can sometimes be a jerk, but he does stand up for Sulli and I guess that is where everything starts to turn. I can that he was an okay character, just work on explaining him better and you're good.

Taeyeon is a character that I find simple. She's stern and almost like a elder sister figure to Sulli (I'm saying not just because she calls her unnie) who donated blood to her mom and such.

I mentioned that Wufan was a realistic character and he was. He was strict and stern, everything a boss should be. That's all I could get out of him because he was so minor but I still liked him nonetheless.

So basically I'm going to be very honest. I'm generally harsh, or normal but you asked for 'harsh as possible' so I'm going to go all out.

This story was barely readible. There were so many grammar mistakes, plot holes, character gaps, spelling, and overall blankness that I had a very hard time making out this story. Your style slows down the painfully boring moments and speeds up all of the needed parts. You don't really describe anything and you just say how everything goes. Unfortunately, you didn't fully grasp the style.

There wasn't an explanation of anything. Truthtfully I was questioning each and every character. I wanted to know more, so much more, so I could create a concrete image of the character in my mind. Despite this being fanfiction and we all well know these idols, we still need and should be able to create a character in our heads through your story and writing. I didn't get anything from Jinri other than that she seemed like a perfect daughter with a messed up family. Her personality was so flat and boring. Really. There wasn't any depth to her. No character flaws, no build up, it just seemed like she was experiencing things that made it seem like she had flaws but she didn't.

The fact that she handles how Taeyeon killed her dad is perfect, but not likable.It's how everyone wishes that that will be how they react. It would've been possible, if we knew Sulli's personality better. Truthfully I see her as a little perfect school girl and daughter, and just because her dad was a murderer people her.

I expected to see her go in an outrage and yell about how dare Taeyeon just kill her dad. She's a teenager correct? I don't even know her age and personally I thought by the way she talked she sounded like a child. The mixing of Korean and English just turned me off instantly and I kept cringing when I saw a random gomawo in it. I'm fine with hyung and unnie...but you just used so many other words it seemed so out of whack. I was really really confused also. So many characters from so many groups and you didn't introduce them or explain their purpose at all. You just threw in a random 'Yixing' and 'Onew' and I was like 'Wait what?" and had to keep rereading.

All in all, reading this was a real pain. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it honestly was. The random Korean (and some of it wasn't even used correctly: “Oppa.. Sat next to me juseyo..”) awkward character's coming in and out, flimsy characters and plot, I can only give you the points for how I was interested in what was somewhat happening.

This plot was pretty interesting, but not exactly new. Your whole 57 days thing was pretty interesting as well. There were some plot holes however.

The dad's reaction was not only extremely random, but unrealistic. There was no absolute buildup. One moment he was happy the next moment he was sad. He can't be like this. He's a grown man with a family and surely he would've thought about his daughter or wife at least once. He was happy and it is not like there was a buildup of sadness before his snapping and murdering and such.

The mom is pretty useless. Other than begging she doesn't take any action. I know this could happen in real life, but for a story like this, action needs to be taken. She could've just moved on and left him with Jinri, but no she kept begging in a very odd way. She fought with him, sure, but apart from that she took that 'damsel in distress' label and I found it unpleasing to read. She's a grown woman and she know when to stand her ground and when enough is enough.

The entire plot went by slowly or fast because of them. The murdering scene was too quick and there wasn't any explanation at all. Zero. The dad's personality, the mom's personality, or anyones personality doesn't coexist with the plot. Things should happen in the story/plot because of this character's personality.

Now I know your first language isn't English. But you had it translated yes? Shouldn't that person have been fluent in English? There were so many grammar and spelling mistakes that it had me distracted throughout the entire thing. The flow was very choppy as well. Everything either went by too slow, too fast, or too nondetailed. Nothing was explained it was just 'this happened that happened and this is what is going to happen'. Nothing fit together. No one was concrete and it seemed that everyone did compelte character flips. One minute they were this and the next moment they were that.

There was no real transitions and if there were it wasn't done well. No one had a character and it seemed like the only thing that made them have personalities was the incident. There are also a large amount of grammar and spelling mishaps. Here are a few down below:

She stared in disbelief at the horrifying scene. Her body trembled and she can't breathe properly.

Correction: "...she couldn't breathe properly."

Jinri tried to struggled, but the man still hugged her tightly so she couldn’t move anymore.

Correction: "Jinri tried to struggle, but the man hugged her tightly so she couldn't move."

“But Appa, Appa can always find a new job! Why Appa drink alcohol like that? Why not telling us first?”

Correction: "But Appa, you can always find a new job! Why do you drink alcohol like that? Why are you not telling us first?"

Small note: The original sentence would've made sense, if she was a five year old, but she is a sophmore in high school so yeah that needed to be changed. Minmize the Korean usage because when it is mixed with English it can sound heavily childish.

"Suddenly there was a sound of someone opening the door from bedroom; two pairs of eye of the confused people then turned to the source of the sound."

Correction: "Suddenly there was the sound of someone opening the door from the bedroom. Jinri and her mother's eyes turned to the source of the sound."

Small note: The original sentence had so much extra stuff that it made it confusing to read.

Another note: The first chapter title doesn't make sense, considering this story is told from third person view. So it could be A Day That Changed Her Life or something. Personally I would just call it The Day to give it a more dramatic feel since your story lacks in that.

"Umma, wake up juseyo.."  but her mother's face was stiff. she's not even move or respond.

Correction: "Umma wake up...please..." but her mother's face remained stiff. She didn't respond or move."

There is loads more to be corrected but I'll stop here so you don't have to bored to death with this review. I would suggest getting a new translator and if you really want to have it double checked, get a beta reader.

My overall enjoyment was faltered away from the interesting plotline. This is due to your flat characters, massive grammar and spelling errors, and the fact that everything happened too fast or too slow at a nontolerable level. I really thought that this would be an interesting story, but everything came crashing down.

I would suggest you get a new translator and maybe a beta reader. You seem to get the right drift, you just have a bumpy start. Please don't be offended by what I wrote, I'm just trying to help you improve. What I would do is take the story off or perhaps put it on private so you can full rewrite it. Don't be dampened by your low score! I can really see this story being good if you just changed and rewrote it and tried to pay heed to what I said. Things you need to work on are explaining, creating realistic characters, having a concrete plot and storyline, and speeding the write things up and slowing the right things down. Have characters with depth and complexity because that is what life is right? This story talks about life and how things can go wrong, so I would expect it to be realistic.

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