I really do like your title due to the obvious and important connection it has to your actual story. The butterfly represents their love and Chanyeol and all that beautiful message inherent in your story. It is even better because of the butterfly carved on Baekhyun's grave and the fact that you end your story with the butterfly as well. It became something that really touched me, and let me just tell you, I love it when author's end with the beginning and you definitely did it in this case!

The reason I took three points off is simply due to the fact that despite all the good I said about your title, it does not particularly attract me. The title itself is quite passive - but perhaps that is the beauty of it as it reflects the serenity of your writing.

How to put this? I loved your description, it automatically pulled me in with the beauty in its language and I love especially the last sentence. I love the way you wrote it and I became caught up in the moment and quite simply, it was beautiful. Even if you had not requested me to review this story, had I stumbled upon this description on my own, I would have automatically read it and wanted to read it as well. Good job on writing such a captivating prologue. However...I do wish that this was perhaps in the foreword section instead because it is more of a prologue than a description. But then again, AFF doesn't really do much distinction as to what belongs where.

The bigger problem I had with the foreword is the fact that we already know Baekhyun's dead. Perhaps you mean for this, but to me, it takes away impact. I go into the story knowing that Baekhyun is going to die in the end and when he does die, since I already know it's coming, it does not hurt me as much as it could have. This is always a game of trade off - should you attract the readers or should you keep the end hidden. Ultimately the choice is up to you.

Now, the depressing part. I did not have the same love for your foreword. It, to tell the truth, did not pull me in at all. There are so many great quotes you could have chosen but you ended up choosing this one. I can definitely see your reasons as this quote carries a lot of significance, but I can help but feel unaffected by it. Perhaps that is just me, but it seems too...plain and not invoking for me to actually want to read it because of it.

If I were you, I'd put your description in your forewprd and then write a different description. But that's just me and you do not have to take my opinion as this really is about personal preference more than anything else.

For the most part your grammar was spot on and impressive. There were a collection of errors that I caught and they will be listed below. However, they did not distract that much from the reading and I think you understand the concepts. Better proofreading is your answer here. Also, take note that these are not all the answers. I do suggest you reread what you've written again to catch some of the typos that I did not note.

The tall one was trying to strum the guitar to the tune of Don't Go, but his diehard fan couldn't resist but to sing along with slurred, made up lyrics.

The tall one was trying to strum the guitar to the tune of Don't Go, but his die-hearted fan couldn't resist but to sing along with slurred, made up lyrics.

This is definitely a typo. Diehard...I have no idea what that means. It sounds quite similar to die-hearted which is likely what you meant to put.

"I have a fantastic voice, curls," Baekhyun told him, "Appreciate it while I still here to sing for you."

"I have a fantastic voice, curls," Baekhyun told him, "Appreciate it while I'm still here to sing for you."

I believe this is just a silly typo, but if you want an explanation, you need an verb after I (am).

Also, just a suggestion, in the part where they were singing Don't Go, you put the lyrics in quotations to indicate that they were singing it. However, the phrases lacked any punctuation and thus made it look weird. I get the fact that they were meant to be lyrics, however, since placed in quotation marks, it is in fact, dialogue and thus should have proper punctuation.

At certain points in the story I wished you would have used Baekhyun or Chanyeol rather than just ambiguous pronouns because in certain cases even though I could "guess" who you referred to, it didn't necessarily sound good. Here is an example:

Chanyeol missed his voice that would caress him to sleep, coax him to wake up and annoy him daily with silly questions.

Chanyeol missed Baekhyun's voice, the voice that would caress Chanyeol to sleep, coax him to wake up and annoy him daily with silly questions.

The problem itself does not have a problem, however you use his, him, him, and then another him and it becomes ambiguous who you are referring two especially since we are talking about two males.

He didn't know heartbreak could be this difficult.

He didn't know heartbreak could be this suffocating (or similar adjective).

When you use difficult it makes it seem as though becoming heartbroken is difficult not dealing with it - which is what you intend. This is due to the fact that heartbreak what you are describing, as you currently put it is being described as difficult thus, difficult heartbreak which literally means Chanyeol is saying he couldn't believe how difficult it was to get his heartbroken. Which...is the exact opposite because his heart was broken very easily. The meaning you want to achieve here is akin to how painful heartbreak is, thus use an adjective like suffocating.

The house belonged to the both of them; they bought together, assured that one day, they would live together officially, as a married couple.

The house belonged to the both of them; they had bought it together, assured that one day, they would live together in it officially, as a married couple.

Bought what together? You have to add a noun here (it) and live together where? A trashcan? Sorry, I'm just poking fun. But basically you need to clarify what you are talking about!

All the exchanged "I love you's", did they mean nothing?

All the exchanged "I love yous", did they mean nothing?

You do not need the apostrophe because the yous is simply plural, not a contraction or indicative of possessing anything.

All the promises of forever, were they broken?

All the promises of forever, were they forgotten?

It seems to me that in this scene, Chanyeol is talking about what they had before and what might have gone wrong to them in the past - in other words, he is doubting the validity of their shared experiences. Hence, it does not make sense for the established sentence structure to be "were they broken" because they are broken in the present not the past. Rather a better word to use here may be forgotten.

Chanyeol was taken aback, his origami never lacked in appearance, at least, he thought it didn't.

Chanyeol was taken aback, his origami never lacked in appearance, at least, he didn't think it did.

Uh, I'm not really sure how to address or explain this change. This is less of a grammatical error than a stylistic / phrasing choice. Completely personal to my preferences. Basically "he thought it didn't" is phrased awkwardly and would sound better to me if it were instead "he didn't think it did".

"It's not, it looks better than yours."

"That's not true! It looks better than yours."

There's nothing wrong with the actual grammar here but put in context the phrasing is odd. Chanyeol is responding to something Baekhyun said earlier but Baekhyun did not say anything that would garner a response of "it's not", especially due to the fact that Baekhyun was referring to, in his dialogue, 'Chanyeol's origami' in general thus making it plural. Yes, he did point to the green frog but his words were an attack on Chanyeol's origami in general thus 'it's not' is not a proper response.

"Let's sing, you strum I sing."

"Let's make music together, you strum, I sing."

The logical arrangement of this sentence does not make sense. First, Baekhyun says let's sing but obviously what he intends for as indicated by the second part of the phrase is for him to sing and Chanyeol to play the guitar which contradicts with 'let's sing'.

Did I just give you fifty points on freaking characterization? Yes. I did. I just gave you full points on what I find to be one of the hardest sections to master when writing. Man. Go get something sweet and celebrate. I am really picky when it comes to this section and the fact that you managed to wow me with such a short story is impressive.

I fell in love with your characters. I really did. The way you depict Chanyeol and Baekhyun is beautiful and complete that I could completely imagine this play out in my head.

In particular, much of the points I gave you, I gave you because of the mastery you've shown in writing dialogue. There are many writers or reviewers that will tell you having too much dialogue means bad characterization or something along those lines. Sure, true, I agree with them. But the fact that your dialogue was not only perfectly placed but perfectly written left me no room to doubt anything.

You see, I believe that the hardest test for any writer in characterization is giving their character a unique voice. This voice can be revealed through dialogue. Thus, when a story had strong, unique, and realistic dialogue you can almost automatically assume that they have a solid grasp on the character personalities they will to paint.

I felt connected with the characters. Their easy banter was fun to read and every time they talked I just had to smile because their conversations were so realistic. In real life, I hear people talk like that and it just makes everything so relatable and wonderful. I can't stop ranting about this - but just...just please be proud of your dialogue and characters.

Each story has something that makes it brilliant, for you, it is characterization.

(And the fact that you did not forget to talk of their emotions on top of everything else just impresses me even more!)

AFF has so many stories where one of the characters kills themselves and the one in love with him regrets and is sad about it afterwards that it could create a new genre and title it the Suicide Romance genre. And then it could open a library. Because of the fact that your story was Baekyeol, the glaring theme of your plot and then general events of it makes the clichés of it even more apparent.

Due to the easily predictable event flows as well as the fact that many of the events you depicted were quite overused (catching with another guy and then becoming angry and then someone getting hurt in the end) I had to dock points. However, I do congratulate you, for while your backbone is based on a mixture of extremely common events, you take a unique approach to it. In particular I am giving you points for the use of origami rings and the revolving of the story around origami. I think that this origami theme helps makes your story standout even though other authors use the concept of origami as well.

It is hard to be completely original – especially in genres that are not scifi or fantasy – thus I am not stringent on this section. You had your own touch, thus you definitely did well. I did wish for something to occur that would catch me off-guard though and I am slightly disappointed that nothing did. No matter though.

You had a very well tied together plot for an oneshot. Everything was brought back together into a complete circle and you had a definite beginning, middle, and end. The collection of past events strung together was down quite artfully and had a wonderful effect on the final story. To tell you the truth, I don't have much to say on your plot. It was well done.

One of the only things I ended up taking points off for is the relative linear progression of the events. Everything could be easily predicted and we knew from the very begging that Baekhyun was going to die. There seemed to be a lack of conflict and rather at times it seemed to be just a simple collection of events - which I do admit, is not always a bad thing. But, the lack of plot twists and suspense did kill some interest especially in the middle. However, this can be forgiven especially because yours is an oneshot and one of the dangers when writing oneshots is having a plot too large to cover!

The other thing I took off points for is the ending. It felt very...staged. I wished that it had not ended the way it did not because I was saddened by Baekhyun's death but because I was sad that Chanyeol's breaking was not more described or drawn out. It felt lacking. I did not cry like I should have (this is actually probably because I don't cry from reading fanfics) and I feel that if you ended with something different, with Chanyeol's feelings rather than Baekhyun's last words - or perhaps something in the present / future it would have hit harder.

First, I want to tell you how utterly impressed with your overall structure! It is extremely difficult to write oneshots yet you write a beautiful one in 2700 something words. Nowadays many people due to the fact that they cannot illustrate a story in that word count write oneshots that really shouldn't be considered oneshots (I myself am guilty of this), but you, my dear, have managed to pull it off and with surprising grace at that! Props to you.

I think you did a great job balancing the memories and the present for the most part and the flow was wonderful. The story moved at just the right pace for me to be able to enjoy it and keep up with it. I do however, have a few suggestions. There are times when you switch between the past and present without actually switching tenses or adding a divider like you typically did or just using a good transitional phrase. This causes your story to be jerky and slightly weird to read. There were also times where I was unsure what pov I was looking through - for the most part I thought I was seeing as Chanyeol saw but at others I was lost and confused. I'm going to give you an example of both of these issues and then edit it for you to show you what you could possibly do.

"Baek, maybe next time, alright?" Chanyeol snapped, Baekhyun was starting to irritate him.
Baekhyun's favorite musician left the room.
"But I wanted to sing the beautiful butterfly song," Baekhyun whispered.

But Chanyeol didn't know that he lost the chance to hear Baekhyun sing for the last time.

"Baek, maybe next time, alright?" Chanyeol snapped, Baekhyun was starting to irritate him.

Baekhyun's favorite musician left the room.

Still back in the room, watching the door that had shut behind his love, Baekhyun whispered, "But I wanted to sing the beautiful butterfly song."

Chanyeol didn't know that he lost the chance to hear Baekhyun sing for the last time.

Basically what I changed is a transition. For the most part of this excerpt I was looking in the eyes of Chanyeol...but then you make Chanyeol leave the room. That is all fine except for the fact that if Chanyeol left the room how can he still hear Baekhyun's whisper? Thus, you can subtly change views by changing the focus to Baekhyun.

Also, I removed the ‘but’ because there really isn't a need for it. It creates an effect that we expect Chanyeol to have chosen differently had he known, but you do not say this so either take it out or add something along the lines of "if he had, perhaps he would have not left."

A few weeks later, Chanyeol's mother came home with red eyes and a tissue in hand.

All he remembered was running, way, out in the streets and crying too much.

The blur of tears, the messed up direction, the chaotic pound of his heart, the hysterical unheard screams that begged to escape.

"Baekhyun's dead."

His mother had also said Baekhyun's mother tried to message him but he didn't reply her, and the poor woman looked so torn apart when she saw her.

Chanyeol remembered tossing his phone aside as soon as he moved back into his parents' house; what was a phone if he couldn't call Baekhyun anyway?

Chanyeol cried, he cried for a very long time. 

Then, for hours and hours, he just walked in aimless directions, returning home with shoes stained with soil only from the grave yard.

Baekhyun's grave.

A few weeks later, Chanyeol's mother came home with red eyes and a tissue in hand. (Just a comment...this description strikes me as really funny. I don't know why.)

At that moment, all Chanyeol remembered was running, way out in the streets, and crying rivers of tears.

The blur of tears, the messed up direction, the chaotic pound of his heart, the hysterical unheard screams that begged to escape suffocated him.

"Baekhyun's dead," His mother had said. Her words echoed in his ears.

His mother had also said Baekhyun's mother tried to message him but he didn't reply her, and the poor woman looked so torn apart when she saw her.

Chanyeol knew the reason Baekhyun's mother had not gotten through to him...he had tossed his phone aside as soon as he moved back into his parents' house; what was a phone if he couldn't call Baekhyun anyway? Only now did he regret it.

Chanyeol cried, he cried for a very long time. 

Then, for hours and hours, he just walked in aimless directions, returning home only after his shoes were stained with soil from the grave yard.

Baekhyun's grave.

Meh. So I don't want to go over every single change I made in here. Basically the gist is this: you jump from the present (Chanyeol crying) to the past (his mother informing him) to a different past (him throwing away his phone) to the present (him walking) to the later (him returning home). That was so many transitions in perhaps what looks to be around 200 words. You see how it can get messy really quickly? The solution to this is to make sure you have more transition phrases to tie everything together and make it more lucid to the reader the events you are trying to convey.

As for your literary skill, I am impressed. I especially loved your use of the origami as a motif throughout the entire piece. The use of fire and light is also brilliant! You have a mastery with these author's crafts so good job in that!

I just want to tell you my favorite, absolute favorite part of your entire story. Okay, here goes:

"Fire can't exist without light, Baek."

"Cheesy."

Chanyeol remembered why the origami box was only filled with vibrant shades of red now.

---

What was fire without light?

Baekhyun was his light, in total darkness, all he had was Baekhyun. 

It was dark; pitch black, his vision obscured. 

For days, he just lied on the sofa for hours, his hands grasping onto a familiar, withered origami heart.

He thought about the heart.

It was quiet for a moment, before the sound of ripping paper bounced off the four walls.

He ripped the heart, just like how Baekhyun ripped his real one. 

Uh, so yeah, I just pasted in this excerpt. This is why you got five points, because it was the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time. I cannot tell you how much I loved this part of your story. I don't even care about anything else - this is what stuck with me. From the first part about fire and light to the part about ripping the heart to symbolically represent how Baekhyun ripped his real one...man, it was so beautiful. It touched me and being a er for poetic structure you really, really had me at this. If all your stories have poetic, symbolic excerpts like this, I swear I will read all of them.

Did you see my comment? Yes you did. That's how I feel about your story. Usually I stay far away from pure romance, but god. You impressed me. I loved every single moment of this! I loved it...and perhaps I would not have loved it anymore and even less if you chose to make this longer. But because of the fact that you kept it concise, I was able to enjoy it even past the fact that there wasn't much of a plot. Thank you for letting me review this. I was completely impressed. As a reader, there is nothing in this story that would strike me as anything less than beautiful.

Hello dear, I read this actually a while ago but didn't get time to type up the review until today. I do apologize for the wait and hopefully the review did not disappoint.

Please continue writing, you are a great writer and I hope you will come up with even more fantastic works in the future; I see great things for you. This fic will be recommended - I will write one up later. Great job, once again!

(Last minute note: Your current poster does not do your story justice. It is relevant and appealing but it doesn't have the pull that makes me interested. The poster as a whole is too passive and I feel like your story, with the beautiful way it was written, definitely should have a poster to match with that!)