I like your title but personally I don't really feel like it connects with your story. The story isn't about 'only' Sehun, rather it's about Luhan as well (in fact often I feel that it focuses more on Luhan than Sehun) such being the case I believe your title can even be considered a little misleading. Seeing your title I initially expected a story that focused on Sehun being amazing...

Anyways moving on, so it doesn't really relate to your story (yes I get that only Sehun saw Luhan cry but that isn't big enough for you to mark your title based on it) but besides such it doesn’t really make me want to read it. There isn't anything that stands out about it that begs me to read it. To me it just sounds like any old romance fic. (And even if it is a romance fic you should always try to break free of that mindset.)

Thinking of titles is really, really hard; and to tell you the truth after reading your story I sat here for ten minutes trying to come up with a title suggestion so you could see what I felt would suit your story better but I came up with nothing. That's how hard titles are.

Now you're probably wondering, why'd you still get a four after I criticized so much? (The reason is not I like you and you're part of my staff now, but lol ^___^) The reason is I loved, loved, loved, loved, you get my point, I loved your chapter titles. They were so perfect, so tied together, so deep and lovely and invoking. So I had to give you points for that even though they aren't really your 'titles'.

So you gave me two descriptions, I took the one that is currently not on your story for this review but I have mixed feelings about both so I'm going to critique both. Regardless of which one you end up using I hope this will be helpful to you. Let's start with your first version and the one that is currently on the story:

"He always smiled and the sounds of his sweet laughter was never absent. He was always categorized at one of those bubbly, cheerful guys. Almost a little too carefree, used a little too much sarcasm, it was his personality. His name? Luhan.

He, in turn, never left the house without putting on his all famous, permanent frown. He rarely showed any emotions in public, with the exception of pure hatred or bore. Pure, icy cold labeled all over him, he was the epitome of sorrow. His name? Sehun. 

Yet Luhan knows there must be a time where Sehun smiles.
And Sehun's sure there must be a time where Luhan cries."

First off this is extremely awkwardly phrased in certain areas. Let's take the first sentence for example. The second part of this sentence just doesn't read right, if I were you I would change sounds to sound, not only does this make it agree with 'was' but it sounds better than using 'sounds'. But even with these changes it would not be a sentence I like. I get what you're trying to express and that you're emphasizing the fact that Luhan always laughs but I believe that this sentence lacks flow the reason for this is the phrase was never absent. Never absent from where? You see how it lacks cohesion? Here are a couple of ways to rephrase it while keeping the same effect (there are many more than the ones I'm going to list):

1. He always smiled; the sound of his sweet laughter lingering behind him wherever he went.

2. He always smiled and the sound of his sweet laughter filled the ears of all around him.

3. He always smiled. There was not a moment when the sound of his sweet laughter would disappear.

Personally I don't really like these options either because they fail to induce excitement but they have a better flow than the original. Moving on, you have a typo it should be categorized as not categorized at.

Next, still on Luhan, bubbly and sarcastic are nearly opposites. Sarcastic is more a cold attribute than anything else. It breaks up the entire feel you're going for. But if you want to stick with sarcastic regardless of this fact you need to rephrase your sentence, almost a little and used a little clash with each other. They need to be of the same verb. If I wrote your sentence out it would sound like 'he was almost a little too carefree, he used a little too much sarcasm', when writing this sentence the same noun applies to both parts of it and since there is no connecting word or change in phrasing it sounds odd when it is read. (I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense. I'm going to give an example to see if it's clearer.)

Luhan was breathtakingly beautiful. Luhan was a delicate angel.
(This doesn't sound good so we combine them.)

Luhan was breathtakingly beautiful; a delicate angel.
(In this case I was able to connect them because they have the word was in common but look at the next example.)

Sehun was an ice cold prince. Sehun played with the hearts of everyone he met.
(Once again we want to combine them, so first let's see what happens when we connect it the same way we did the first.)

Sehun was an ice cold prince; played with the hearts of everyone he met.
(Hopefully that didn't sound good to you because it didn't to me. A better way to connect it is...)

Sehun was an ice cold prince, playing with the hearts of everyone he met.
(In order to combine it beautifully we needed to change the wording, the same thing applies to your scenario.)

Ummm I hope the example helped a little, I'm sorry if it only made it more confusing, but what I would do to your sentence is rephrase it a little. The easiest fix would be:

Almost a little too carefree, a little too sarcastic.

Another possible fix would be:

Almost a little too carefree, he used almost a little too much sarcasm.

The third part of this sentence makes me cringe. Either put it in a new sentence or get rid of it completely and replace it with something that has a bit more edge to it. I've sort of guess by now that this is his personality, there's no need to tell me. You get what I'm saying? That being said I really dislike the his name thing too, because you are quite literally talking to the reader and if the reader doesn't want to know then...it's awkward sounding and it doesn't make me want to read your story at all. An example of a better way to put it would be something along the lines of:

Luhan. The boy who always smiled.
(Then for Sehun you could do something similar.)

Sehun. The boy who didn't know how.

Do you see how it automatically gives your story more edge? My belief is that descriptions must be kept short and have impact so that you can capture the reader's attention. Yes, you described to me everything there is to know about Sehun and Luhan but I could care less. You could shorten everything to just those two sentences and it would be more captivating. (Go YouTube some trailers, that's how I like to think about description writing, you have a time limit, a word limit, choose the best ones, choose the ones that make people want to read.)

Now some quick corrections on Sehun's part. 'In turn' is not needed, it sounds unprofessional and fake. The 'all' before famous can also go. 'Bore' should be boredom and I don't know how to explain this one except that it balances better. Next, I have no idea how you can label something with pure, icy cold unless you get a sticker and write it on. That being said pure, icy cold just doesn't sound good in the first place. There are much better was to say this sentence:

The air around him dripped with flesh biting cold; he was the epitome of sorrow.
Chilled ice covered his entire being; he was the epitome of sorrow.
(I really like the phrase epitome of sorrow by the way.)

Just two quick examples I'm sure you can think of better. Please note how I used a semicolon instead of a comma like you did; this is due to the fact that the two phrase do not connect with a FANBOY (for, and, nor, but, or, yet) and aren't really related to each other thus you use a semicolon.

My favorite part about this entire description is the last two sentences. They're wonderful, they entice. Make the rest of your description like that and make those two sentences stand out more than the rest. I hate how you make them less significant with formatting when they're clearly the only sign of conflict / interest in the entire description. Make them big. (The only thing here that I suggest you fix is that because we're talking about time we should use when instead of where. Both sound sort of awkward though.)

My suggestion to you would be to take these last sentences and cut out everything else above it that was unnecessary. Your description shouldn't be long and boring; it should be clear cut and paste. (My personal belief that I follow religiously.) Using the two sentences I gave earlier your description could sound like this:

Luhan, the boy who always smiled.
Sehun, the boy who didn't know how.

Yet Luhan knows there must be a time when Sehun smiles.
And Sehun's sure there must be a time when Luhan cries.

I personally would enjoy reading that more.

Now onto the second version last two sentences are the same so I won't be judging them again:

It's difficult not to be intrigued when you meet someone that contrasts so much in personality compared to you. Luhan, who brought so much joy, and Sehun who differed in so many ways. But you should know better than to judge someone's outer persona.

I like this a lot better than the first version but it irks me. You start out in second person but then the last two sentences (the ones that I didn't paste again) are from Luhan and Sehun's pov. You start out talking to the reader...but the reader is about as far as it gets from your story as you aren't writing a you fic. An edited version as an example:

It's difficult not to be intrigued when meeting someone who contrasts so much in personality. But they know better than to judge by someone's outer persona.

Luhan, who brought so much joy and Sehun who differed in so many ways.

(insert last two sentences here)

By rephrasing it like this you take the reader out of it and it becomes clearer. But even then it isn't perfect. Why do they know better? And what does being intrigued have to do with judging?

Either way, I believe the description is one of the most important parts of getting readers besides actually writing a good story hence why I was so harsh and spent so long discussing it. Descriptions are hard to write, I get that, but keep trying, the time you spend writing and tweaking a description is well worth it.

(By the way, the divider thing is really distracting.)

Next! I took off five whole points because you didn't have a foreword. I've had this rant with so many people now that I'm tempted to write an article on it and then just link people with no forewords to the article. Lol, okay don't take this personally but I really, really have something against people who don't write forewords. A few sentences to entice people to click the next button (is it really that hard?). Okay I'll admit it's really that hard which is why many people don't do it. But it is so important I can't stress it enough. How can I want to click your story if you don't give me a foreword? (Note: This is not to say people won't read your story if you don't have a foreword, they still will especially if they like your tags / description but you won't be able to interest the maximum amount of readers.)

My biggest suggestion to you, sit down, spend ten minutes, write a foreword. Put the author note and everything else under the amazing foreword I'm sure you'll come up with. (Crap...just this was 1800 words.)

Hunhan is so overwritten that I will be surprised the day something original is given to me for review. Love stories are even more difficult to make original. That's not to say your story wasn't enjoyable because of the clichéness (yes I know that’s not a word) just that it is cliché. We have Luhan being happy, Sehun being cold and the two eventually falling in love. Nothing new to see here.

The thing I did see that was new was the setting that the story takes place. I do believe that this is the first time I read about them at a camp where they take care of children. Good job there!

Work on plot twists, they're what will make your story break out of the overplayed shell of Hunhan. Another thing you can do is make your characters different from the stereotypes of the fandom (I know this is hard to do, but you can give it a try in the future); for example Chanyeol doesn't always need to be happy, Sehun doesn't always need to think everyone's a peasant, Suho doesn’t always need to be a leader, D.O doesn't always need to cook.

Your characters are actually quite well developed, you spend a good amount of time describing their feelings and motives and reasons they act the way they do. Luhan is happy on the outside but on the inside his thoughts are very dark; Sehun is cold but on the inside he wants to smile he just isn't quite sure how.

I am able to relate to both of them and they are realistic enough. I would even go as far to say that they way you write them is quite 3D so good job there; but they are not 4D and I think that's the next thing you should work on. Give them a back story that you slowly reveal. Why is Luhan the way he is? Why is Sehun the way he is? If you describe the why your characters will truly come to life.

Lastly, your side characters are too side. I wish there was a little more involvement on their part. I get that your story focuses on Hunhan but it becomes bland if you only have two real characters. Spend a little more time expanding the events and discussing relationships between the rest of the characters. I want to see how Sehun is with the others, how Luhan is. I want to know the other's reactions to the relationship that is developing between Sehun and Luhan. Making your other characters real will do a lot to make the story as a whole more real.

Over all your grammar and use of words is pretty good, just going to point out a few same things/typos I came across when reading. Nothing major.

In chapter one, I'm not sure if you caught this or meant for it to be worded like this but it doesn’t make sense:

"I suggest we rooms, there are three bedrooms so--"

I have no idea what we rooms mean?

Next in chapter four:

How they started talking, he really couldn't date back.

I really don't think the phrase 'date back' makes sense in this scenario, sometimes simple is better. Using remember or recall would make it easier to understand / comprehend for the reader.

All he knew now was he no longer saw Luhan as a mere acquaintance, much less stranger. But Sehun always found it hard to put his trust out there, and the tendency was shaking off any soon.

There are some slight issues with these two sentences. First you don't need the 'now' it sounds weird with it. Adding an that after was would also make it sound better. Next, it isn't really a tendency try to find a more suitable word to replace it with. And I do believe you mean 'wasn't' not 'was' but that's probably just a typo.

Many times, Sehun would silently watch Luhan, playing small games with the children or concentrating extremely hard on helping a troubled child.

The bolded words were added in by me. If you don't have them it becomes unclear what you are talking about; Luhan could be helping a troubled unicorn for all I know.

Besides such there was nothing glaring that caused me to stop with your story, so no, you did not lose four points because of grammar / spelling. You only lost one point because of it. The other two points you lost because your font was way too small. It was an uncomfortable read. I had to read your story on 160% zoom on my browser. Rather than make the reader do the zooming it's very simple to make your font slightly bigger since there are no obvious stylistic reasons for you to use size 11 font. Never go below 12.

I think you have a decent plotline; they open up, fall in love, reject each other's feelings, meet with barriers in the middle, will probably end up making up and then finally be together. But the truth is, the plot is too bland; it's fine for a fluffy read and for something to pass a little time but as a story that I would seriously sit down and read there's not enough to it. There are no major plot twists, nothing unpredictable, and nothing that really pulls at my feels.

It feels almost empty, like there is something missing. There were no moments where I was actually holding my breath unable to breathe until something was resolved. There's simply not enough action to cause me to fall in love with this plot.

The lack of substance means that this is quite simple only a sweet read, which of course is enjoyable and not at all a bad thing, but if you were shooting for something a bit more plot heavy consider adding in more description, more conflict, more emotions, more twists, but most important, more moments.

I do give you props for having a plot that developed and was not static along with the fact that we haven't reached the cliché happily ever after yet. I believe there is great potential for the future of this story ^___^ fighting!

Very well organized for the most part and the change in povs were all made quite clearly. However sometimes when we went slightly back in time to catch a different pov it became slightly confusing, just something to take note of in the future when changing povs.

The story is overall pretty well paced, nothing was moving too fast or developing too slow so keep with this flow. Everything is going at a pace that's just enjoy to keep the reader interested without throwing too much information at them.

I actually quite enjoyed this fic despite everything I said. It was a sweet read. Don't take that lightly, it's hard to write a good sweet fic without it being cheesy and greasy. I think you did a good job making Hunhan's relationship so readable and sweet and cute and full of adorableness. Props to you! Keep writing this story, it has great potential.

Just a note, you filled out in the form that this story was angst, dark, and drama(tic). Uh, not going to bluntly tell you you're wrong because you are after all the writer and I'm just a reader; but to me it is anything but angst, dark, and drama(tic). If I was tagging this I'd tag it romance and maybe fluff. You might be able to get away with angst but dark is going too far. Dark is for fics that feature blood, gore, death, , etc. This is a cute story not like that. I guess you might be able to get away with drama too but really it's not all that dramatic...but do get rid of the dark tag because it's not dark and you're losing readers who pass over this fic because it's tagged as dark. That being said your poster thus doesn't suit it, your story is much lighter and happier. I get that you might have wanted to write an angsty, dark fanfiction but that's not how it turned out so you don't need to keep on forcing it to be dark.

Overall I loved the story and your way of writing sweet things. There are certain points where I am quite sure I squealed x3 and despite all the harsh things I said I thought it was a great read. Don't let my harshness discourage you. It was beautifully written and in truth you lost most of your points simply because of your description (you should go write a foreword as soon as you see this) which is easily fixable.

Thank you for letting me read this <3