I really, really like this title. The moment I saw your title on the form I was like, I want to read this. It pulled me in. I have a thing for putting words like 'fatal' in titles because it hints at dark, suspenseful, angsty things. If I saw this while scrolling through AFF I would totally click on it. However, even though it's a great title, as of now, it relates about zero to your story. I give you that you haven't finished writing and that it will probably relate once you do but I had to take one point off since I was misled into thinking this story would be about something it was not about.

Props to you for visual formatting. At once the color and font and dashing you chose for your description appeals to my eye. I really, really appreciate it when authors take the time to make things look pretty, because even though formatting isn't everything it does wonders for first impressions. However, even though your description is beautiful, the actual content confuses me.

So it starts out with two sentences. I like the first sentence but the second one confuses me.

Dealing with it all is starting to take a toll.

Starting to take a toll on what / who? Do you see how there's a piece of information messing? This makes it slightly difficult to understand but it is acceptable, however after this you skip to a quote. This skip utterly confuses me because it has no relevance at all to the first part.

"Abandon my ship to the mercy of the waves,"
- 
"I could think of nothing else."

Okay...so is this ship a metaphor for something?? Because the first time I read it I quite literally thought you meant ship as in 'I ship Taoris or I ship Baekyeol' but I'm pretty...well I think that's not what you meant. Next you spilt up the parts of the quote with a dash. My expression when seeing that dash is quite literally: \\0____0//? What the heck? It completely confuses me. Is there a purpose? If it is two parts to the same quote then it should not be separated if they are two separate quotes then you need to punctuate the first part and change the comma to a period. Just the addition of these quotes makes me cringe because they have no relevance to anything else in your description. And in content I like the wording of 'abandon my ship to the mercy of the waves' but 'I could think of nothing else' makes me feel like it's the author saying that instead of actually someone in the story (that's just my impression) and it completely throws me off.

On to the next part, once again we have a skip in logic. From ships and nothing else to character descriptions. Usually I don't like these, but it's alright since you make it very concise. The only part I disagree with is 'he says he doesn't care', he says he doesn't care about what, about who, to whom? Another case where you're missing information and thus making things confusing for the reader.

Alright, I've just about had enough with the skips in logic by now, by now, if I was a just a reader instead of a reviewer I would have xed out because you've managed to confuse me in a matter of seven sentences. True, there are some parts that capture my attention and make me want to read but the overall chaoticness and confusion turns me off completely. My problem with the last part. I assume this is sort of Sehun's pov since you don't say who says it, it's thus up to my interpretation. So if this was Sehun's point of view why would she be 'more trouble than she's worth' if she's 'just too damn interesting'? You see what I mean?

Vague descriptions that gripe interest are great! But don't sacrifice clarity in order to achieve it.

Now onto your foreword...so I can't say you have a foreword but I'm going to give you points for at least having something, now let's talk about what you have. You have characters (one sentence bio) followed by gifs and lastly two more quotes. Okay, how do I feel about this? First I want to tell you that it is my die hearted belief that you need to write a foreword. Forewords have amazing potential to draw more readers into your story. They don't take long to write and if written well they can make all the difference in helping you gain more readers. Personally I have nothing against doing some character info and blah but just be careful about not revealing too much (you don't but just a note for the future).

Now, let's talk about the gifs. If you're going to add a gif with your one lined descriptions you had better make sure they match. For the most part they don't and they contradict each other instead of supplementing each other. First, Lee AeRi, you say she hides behind a smile and then you put a gif of her being cool and amazing. No, just no alright? You need to find a gif of her smiling. Next, Sehun, he has a cold heart so why are you using a gif of my Sehun baby smiling and being the natural aegyo that he is? D.O's actually matches so good choice there. The last one Park Hana, I don't know, I don't like this gif, it makes her seem like a mental wacko and I already dislike her because of it. Find one that's less hyper and more normal. Kai, Baek, Chan, and Suho's gifs are all fine.

Now lastly about those last two sentences. The first is a quote...but once again it reads like something the author has said rather than one of the characters, of course I wouldn't know until I actually read the story but people who read your description / foreword haven't read the story yet, hence why I do this section of the review before reading the story so it's more realistic, so you leave them confused. Now the last sentence is quite literally the author speaking. I don't like questions. Don't ask the reader questions. It's unprofessional and doesn't do much for catching interest. I don't know the history and I could care less if the easy way is taken out. You get what I mean?

Basically my tips for you: keep up the formatting, make the description clearer, and change the gifs, lastly, write a foreword.

The only reason you got a six is because of the prologue. But if you did not have the prologue I would have given you a one. Just based on the three chapters this is really, really cliché. I'm not saying you can't be cliché but if you're going to write the cliché rich girl and not rich guy have love hate relationship then you need to try extra hard to make it your own. You haven't done that yet, I felt like I was reading any one of the stories in that large ocean of rich girl fanfics. There are just so many stories out there where we have a rich character and a poor character who eventually fall in love with each other; each time I see one of these stories I slightly cringe inside unless they have something new to offer.

I feel like if you really developed on the story line that your prologue was focused on you will be able to make it more original but from your chapters right now I see nothing that promises anything. (I will talk about this more in Flow.)

It's sort of gross how Kyungsoo his finger before turning the page...Okay maybe it's just me. Okay back to the main point. The characters...they aren't very realistic, relatable, or likeable for that matter.

First, let's talk about AeRi...she's a . Uh, to tell the truth, from your description about she hides everything behind a smile I expected her to only act like a , but dude, she thinks like a too. If she has hidden emotions you need to write them, express them, or else what you end up with is a two dimensional as your main character. It's hard to make OCs likeable and realistic, the way to do this is to describe them in more detail, let us understand her better. For example she would be less of a if you had her thinking, "I wish I didn't have to act this way...I wish I had a choice." And besides of all of this, she's a cliché . She's that typical prissy rich kid child that so many stories feature. Only usually people have the as the second main character, not their protagonist. But either way, bad.

Second, Sehun. Sehun is about as normal as he can get. He thinks AeRi is a and reacts accordingly. But I barely know anything about him and I can't say I like him yet. And at one point you completely confuse me:

As the boy continued to walk with his on eyes on the ground, he stopped as he noticed a pair of expensive looking heels facing him. His eyes dragging up AeRi’s body, his lips. His eyebrows rose as soon as he realized who it was. (By the way the on before eyes should be deleted.)

He's practically lusting over her...but Sehun doesn't like her so what the heck? You see what I mean by contradiction?

D.O. He might actually be the only character that I'm slightly interested in right now because of why he refuses to answer why he has to put up with AeRi. But besides that I'd call him a boneless wimp. Actually I'll go ahead and discuss the rest of the characters here as well; they're all boys that are scared of AeRi. This basically means you have no characters that the reader can fall in love with. That is really bad, because besides the plot, people read for the characters.

I get that you only have three chapters and the characters have yet to develop so you still have lots of room to improve on them, but please, make an effort to describe their emotions and make sure not to have contradictions. Also, even side characters need to have substance. Don't just lump Suho, Kai, Chanyeol, and Baek into one stereotype of lusting over AeRi, it's horrible.

Over all your story doesn't have that many errors but there are certain things that I'd like to point out that had me really confused / put off when I was reading your story. First, just the first paragraph:

“So the rumors are true then? She’s back?” The boy asked, tilting his head slightly. Kyungsoo nodded his headed at his friend, Byun Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s mouth dropped and his face lit up.

First it should be Kyungsoo nodded his head. Next, mouth dropping open and face lit up are sort of contradicting. We use the expression his face lit up when he's happy or discovered something cool. Like for example:

Baekhyun's head lit up as Chanyeol approached him, carrying a large stuffed unicorn in his arms.

Finally Baekhyun understood, his face lit up, so this was how it worked.

Our face does not light up when we are shocked. Our face does not light up when we are being sarcastic. Light up is positive. Shock and sarcasm are not. 

“Can we not mention AeRi often? I already hear enough about her already. I don’t need you guys starting in on it too.” Kyungsoo said as he started to clean up the mess that they had all made in the living room, caused by eating food in.

The last part is just really oddly worded, try something like this instead:

Kyungsoo said as he started to clean up the mess they had made by eating food in the living room.

There's another typo a bit lower:

She never stayed in one place for two long.

It should be too not two. Two means the number. Too means a long time.

This is just something that bothered me but not really a readability or grammar thing:

He owned hotels on every coasts of every country on every continent.

Does he own one on Antarctica too? It’s good to use hyperboles, but don’t make them too extreme because then they seem silly.

But of course she never says nothing about it, she was practically trained to keep shut her whole life.

About what? About it.

Okay, if you change anything at all this is the one you must change:

AeRi holds out your glass for the stewardess to refill.

OMG, holy lord. If I remember correctly I am not in this plane flying next to AeRi...why does she have my glass??? Omg, it happened again:

AeRi speaks let no emotion seep into your reply.

AeRi says, letting no emotion seep into her reply.

AeRi is some freak if she can control my reply, because my reply would be something like: "I hate you stepmother. You're a brat and just one of my mothers." It would have plenty of emotion.

By the way, never use digits (1,2,3) instead of words (one,two,three) in your writing, it looks extremely unprofessional.

Now onto chapter two:

I need you to keep a close on on AeRi while she’s here.

I need you to keep a close unicorn on AeRi while she's here.

Haha, I'm just kidding, but the point is you need to tell us what the person needs to keep close on AeRi. I think what you mean to say is 'keep a close eye on AeRi'.

AeRi noticed figures walking closer and closer to her down the sidewalk. Ignoring their foolishness laughter and talking, she refocused on the workers, making no note of them.

It should be foolish, not foolishness, you are using foolish as an adjective to describe their laughter. Also it should be talk not talking, since laughter is a noun talking should also be a noun.

“Looks like we’re going to be neighbor’s, Oh Sehun.” Lee AeRi stated with an emotionless face.

Neighbors, not neighbor's.

There were many other minor errors that I caught but didn’t correct. They didn't distract too much from the meaning but they were annoying at times. If I were you I would proofread more carefully and be sure to run at least a bad grammar check through it with Word or something before posting. Besides that, decent job on your grammar and spelling.

I love the prologue! It's perfect. You know what would be even more perfect? If you took this prologue out and used it as your foreword instead. I think it would be a perfect foreword. You really don't need prologues, use it as a brilliant foreword to capture readers instead. See? You don't even need to sit down to write a foreword because your prologue is already perfect and captures my attention at once.

But, past the prologue your storyline completely died. I was left completely uninterested. There were no events to keep me entertained. In fact I can sum up your entire three chapters in one sentence: AeRi arrives in Korea and meets the boys she'll be staying with; she's a to them. Literally nothing else happened. At this point I'm no longer rating you on your storyline because after all you have only three chapters so it's hard to expect you to have a storyline, but I am rating you on your events. You have none.

As a tip for the future, always have things happening in each chapter or else things get dull extremely quickly. (The ten points I gave you are for the potential plotline that could develop out of that beautiful prologue.)

The flow is too slow for me, though the organization is quite nice. The reason I say this is because the first three chapters consisted basically of a single thing: introductions. I can't tell you how boring introductions are. Get some action in there. I don't want to read about how all of them met each other. I want to read about the action.

When I think about this I think that when writing a story you always want to start with something exciting, something that is interesting so that the reader actually wants to read. But by the third chapter if I was a reader I'd probably stop reading because nothing was happening and there weren't exactly any twists or cliffhangers to keep me engaged and curious as to what would happen next.

As I mentioned in Originality, there is nothing that hints at the prologue and its brilliance past the prologue. This is because of your pacing. You don't reveal anything thus there is nothing interesting. My tip to you would be to drop some information that is interesting on the reader in each chapter in order to keep them reading and interested in how your story will develop.

If you could tell from my comments on plotline and characterization as well as flow, hopefully you deduced that you've managed to bore me with three chapters. (Please excuse my harshness but I would really like to help you improve.) Speaking completely from a reader's point of view, you lost me after the first chapter (by first chapter I mean prologue). I feel that if from the get go you start with the conflict (the whole revenge thing and suicidal thoughts) I would have enjoyed it a lot more. There just wasn't enough action to entertain. To tell the truth, you can get away with having not enough action if your characters are at least likeable, but I didn't feel any connection with them, and if anything, reading about AeRi annoyed me because she was such a brat.

I encourage you to add more substance in from the get go. Introduce the conflict and run free with the conflict. Conflict is the most important thing you can have in a story and that is where the problem arises, your conflict isn't prominent.

It is a beautiful poster, props to whoever made it for you ^^

I'd just like to sum up my tips for you in this last section:

1. Make your characters have emotion.

2. Reveal plot events and conflict.

3. Add in plot twists and cliffhangers.

4. Speed up your flow a little (don't spend three chapters setting up the scene and introducing characters).

5. Use your prologue as a foreword.

6. Follow my tips in the description section.

I really do hope I wasn't too harsh. You asked for me to be harsh so I was. But really, don’t' stop writing this. It has potential just waiting to be recognized. Spend a day with it, thinking about the high points of it, the emotions of the characters, the things you want to describe, and then put all of this into words. I hope that you stick with this story and write out the beauty of the prologue into a fabulous story.