To be honest, when I first read the title I was like, “meeeeeeeeeeeeehhhh” and then I shrugged a bit and performed the tribal rain dance of my ancestors. Ok no, on a serious note though because wow that was not true at all, I didn’t exactly find the story title all that appealing. I mean it’s totally cute, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t have the palpability I was going for in a story like this. From the title itself “That Talking Teddy Bear”, I got the general idea that it was going to be cute and fluffy and all that jazz, but I didn’t feel it. I wasn’t struck by a hullabaloo of emotions that made me want to puke glitter and rainbows all over the floor. When you have a great idea for a story, you have got to do it justice with an equally great story title; otherwise it loses most of its glamour and charm. It was just a very ordinary kind of title, and it made the plot seem uninteresting as well. Even if the story was aimed solely for little children, it wouldn’t have been that engaging for them either.

I do however adore the alliteration in the phrase. I think it sounds gorgeous rolling off your tongue when you say it (or seductively whisper it from the dumpster). I am a huge er for play on words, puns and language techniques such as the one you’ve utilised and using them in sentences can be very stressful most of the time. You were very brave to come up with a title that matched the theme of the story and make it sound cool. But the wording you have chosen is still the problem; it rings out like an empty echo of a sentence that you try to grab onto because you know deep inside it’s actually a great story but you just can’t break through the shell of blandness covering it.

To make use of a terrible analogy, it was like eating 2 minute soup without any seasoning, or getting delivered a pizza without any topping.

Well, well, well. I have some good news and some bad news. Let’s start with the bad news (because there isn’t that much anyway) shall we? You know when I said using language techniques was good? Well, sometimes overusing those techniques can have very appalling results. Ok, I’m exaggerating a bit, but in all honesty all the rhetorical questions gave me a headache! Especially because it sounded like a really annoying infomercial where a ridiculously robotic voice would ask you to revaluate your whole life and then proceed to demean your choices. Or even an intimidating job interview where the employer would grill questions into your head and make you feel too incompetent to answer them for yourself. I seriously thought I was going to get a migraine just by reading it. Also, never put in random facts that have no relation to your actual story, there isn’t any point. The thing about the “Love Genie”… The concept could be similar, but the way you implemented the idea made it seem completely irrelevant.

Moving on to the good things though; although there were way too many questions, I found that if you look past all the question marks and the daunting tone, at least you have provided the readers with enough information so that we know what we’re getting into. You’ve effectively managed to describe, in your own way, what kind of story it was going to be but also at the same time not revealing too much information on it. There is a lot of humour there as well, which fits in perfectly with the ‘comedy’ theme you’re going for. I found myself laughing at some points too, especially at “Have you ever heard of a teddy bear?” Brilliant! (You could have gotten rid of the “Yes? No?” part though) and I absolutely loved your last sentence, the “Yup. That’s the one all right…” So absolutely sassy!

Also, I absolutely love how you included an informational chapter, before you started the actual story. You gave the readers a lot of additional information making sure that we weren’t going to blindly dive head first into it. It wasn’t even like a hopeless character profile, it was just a FAQ that guided the readers into the heart of TTTB. There could have been other ways you could have incorporated the facts, but it would have been too much for some readers to take in, which was fine y'know. You did a great job there son.

Also, the layout is so adorable omg.

I didn't think this was the most original concept I have come across. This year alone I have read numerous fanfictions (just fanfictions too!) with very similar ideas. There are a lot of those kitty!au's going around with pretty much the same storyline; non-human matchmaker thing. The whole, "I need to right everything I've ever done wrong" kind of feeling, you know? Sometime back I read a story almost exactly like yours, but it was kind of sort of very badly written so I didn't exactly continue. (coughs violently)

Despite this, what I liked about your story was how you delivered it. It was really funny and cute and now I have to clean up all the glitter I threw up in the toilet so thanks a lot bro. 

This was definitely, without a doubt my favourite aspect of TTTB. Your character descriptions were gorgeous, and I found myself giggling and squealing embarrassingly 90% of the time, because of something someone did.

Let's start with Baekhyun. Wow. His physical description was so real and tangible to the point that I felt like he was an old friend of mine whose crisis I was a part of. You made it easy for me to envision the perfect male character through his physicality, and I love how you didn't just dedicate a paragraph on what he looked like. But rather, you randomly weaved in some of his traits through his actions. He was quirky and cute and everything I imagine Baekhyun to be in in a fluffy, comedic story. He was such a , and I loved it so much. I thought his reaction to the talking bear was so believable, I literally made whale noises.

"At this moment he didn’t need eyeliner to make his eyes look bigger" what a great way to illustrate the action in the scene and highlight his character quirks as well as his appearence. Baekhyun was flawless.

Moving on to your original character... She was absolutely gorgeous! I absolutely loved Han Ji Min's personality so much! I was able to relate to her on such a level that I kept forgetting she wasn't even really a human. But then you kept reminding us that she was actually just a possessed little soft toy with a good heart that I just wanted to cry. She had a sassy, no nonsense attitude especially towards that massive and I really don't understand how she managed to not claw his hair out. I totally felt her impatience towards Baekhyun and his sometimes stupidity and I just loled everytime they conversed. 

I also adored diva-ish Kyungsoo in this. Wow he reminds me of my mum.

It was very easy to read. Your grammar was close to flawless, apart from some errors which could easily be overlooked. There were a couple of spelling mistakes as well which could also just be skimmed over.

The only differences you could have made were your choice of wording. Like you requested, I focused on your writing style as a main. I thought the simplicity was fabulous and a lot of readers will be able to understand, but sometimes it seemed as if even you yourself was unsure of the words and adjectives you were using. For example, when Baekhyun was cowering like a little girl in a corner, you described him as not wanting to look "weak-looking" and even added a '?' at the end. It made me doubt his emotions for that milisecond and him as a character too.

I think you have great potential for a plot to develop here. The storyline itself isn't the most original, but your characters definitely make up for it. There's so much comic energy that the readers will be able to get from them, even if there is some underlying dark tension.

(Did you by any chance get inspired by Ghost Whisperer because hot damn I love that show!)

I think definitely, your pace is perfect. Unlike the description, you're not rushing through the sentences, but not dragging the words along the pavement either; it's a good speed.

In terms of the transition between chapters... I think it's pretty good too. I like how some of them build up and end with cliffhangers (no I don't, you really need to update soon please lol) and how you smoothly continue on. 

The paragraphs and sentences flowed smoothly together as well. Like a milkshake, yum!

When I first got your request I actually wasn't very keen to read it. First impressions usually count a lot for me, but you managed to break through it. I thoroughly enjoyed your story, I though it was cute and crazy and just a whole bunch of fluff. Crazy, annoying Baekhyun was such an adorable character and I just wanted to squish him and keep him in my pocket forever! A very good job done, subscribed and voted! 

Don't be a little dog feces and please (I beg of you) update soon!

Just a tip for next time, come up with a more impressive title. Make use of a more unusual, quirky vocaulbary to draw in more readers, both young and old.Also, try to drop down a notch on all the question marks, I seriously felt like I was going to self destruct any moment!

Apart from that, a very well done to you! 

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