Well, I wasn't really bothered by it because I know it fits the overall theme of the fan fic. However, it should be capitalized and separated as 'My Lost Peter Pan', since it is a book character and also a song, the title should be written as it is and it shouldn't be modified. Also, it's not attractive enough and it's pretty much cliché. It immediately tells the reader that is about a girl who lost her 'boyfriend' and she's trying to survive without him, but later meets this 'boy' that looks like his ex. I would have changed it to something more captivating, something deeper.

The description was so-so. I'm not a master at making descriptions as well, but from my own experience I try to be as not cliché as possible, and this was too cliché. It's like repeating the same story all over again as you tell the reader what is going to happen in the story; without any options. It's either this, or this; end. You aren't giving space to the reader to imagine, to actually sit down and think of what to expect of the story. It also had some errors that even me, a non-English speaker, noticed.

 

She had lost her Peterpan once… Now that she met a guy who look like her Peterpan , would she let him go? Or would she found a new love in Neverland?

 

Corrected:

She had lost her Peter Pan once... But now, she has met a guy that looks like him. That's why she has two options: to let him go, or to found a new love in Neverland.

 

I corrected not only the grammatical errors, but also changed a few things if you noticed. Try to not repeat the same words one after another, and the commas should be together with the last word, not separated from it and try to expand your vocabulary.

 

The foreword was the description. You only changed a few things, but it was like reading it all over again. It sounded repeated as if you had no imagination and just dropped it to just cover up space, and this is not good. A foreword should have a proper agreement with the description, they compliment each other, and I didn't saw it. A good foreword would have been the excerpt I took from your first chapter. It's captivating and good enough to atract readers.

 

Many agree that fate is cruel. It play with people’s hearts, feelings and lives. Ara had been given a second chance to meet her Peterpan , but is the person really is her Peterpan or just a person who look like him?

 

Corrected:

In this world, many agree that fate is cruel, that it plays with people’s hearts, feelings and lives. Ara has been given a second chance to meet her Peter Pan, but is this person really her Peter Pan, or just someone who looks like him?

The same rules I told you on the description, apply them on the foreword as well. Also, this may or may not bother you, but the character gifs doesn't 

suit them except for Chanyeol's and Baekhyun's. I suggest you to change them, but this is optional as I did not take points out for this, but since they were in this section, I realized that I should told you.

Readability (20/40)

I was clearly distracted by the grammatical and spelling errors, but I will expand this on the Structure/Mechanics section. However, it was easily readable. It had simple language, and overall anyone could read it without any problems. But as I said, as I kept reading, I kept changing some errors you had in my mind, and sometimes it was difficult to even keep reading. So, even if it's an easy read, for someone who is an English speaker, an English minor or who knows the basics of the language, this can be quite a distraction. 

The characterization is just... Plain. The characters don't have that wow factor that can make the reader go nuts, to cry or to identify with them. The only one that is accurate enough (but not completely) in her characterization is Ara. That's the only reason I am giving you 10 points. I don't like to be harsh, but... What's a fan fic without a proper characterization? It's nothing.

 

Since I have nothing more to say in this part, because neither of your characters left a good or bad impression on me and I won't discuss them because there's... Nothing I can properly discuss of, I want to give you two tips in order for you to improve. It's up to you to take them, but I think they can help you. It's not going to be long either way - do not worry about it.

 

First, describe them more. The base of a good characterization is to describe them. Why they are like that? What decisions they took to be that way? Those are the questions you have to tell to yourself before writing any of the characters. That's why I liked Ara; she had her back-story, and that explained quite well her character but not completely, because she was too colorful and happy at times I clearly was dumbfounded. But at least she had it, and that's worth it. However, the others didn't, and that's what I want you to be aware of. And second, keep them on track, keep them the way you portrayed first, and if you want to change them, please put a realistic situation of why they are changing or should change. Don't change them because you want to, or because you feel to. Yes, you are the author, but the readers should be valid to you, they are one of the reasons you keep writing.

There's nothing original in it. This is one of the most overused plots ever, not only here in AFF, but in lots of other pages (like livejournal or winglin for example). It's okay to use a cliché thing, but the point is to add something spicy, cool, wonderful-whatever you want to name it in order to make it enterily yours. But, unfortunately you didn't, so this became the typical story of a girl who loses her boyfriend, and falls in love with another that looks like him. It's very cliché, and it doesn't have any twists to it, apart from the one that Taehyung may or may not be actually alive, and that Ara has seen him a few times. That's the only thing that keeps the story going on, and you might have killed it with Chapter 13, but I won't go further it because I may or may not be wrong. So, I can't really discuss further because there's nothing left for me to say.   

You do have a plot as explained in Originality, but it doesn't have anything wow in it. It doesn't have any exciting or memorable moment, and it's going too fast for my liking. In Chapter 1 she was suffering for her boyfriend, and in Chapter 2 Ara saw Baekhyun, and wanted to make him hers? What? That's just wrong. A few months doesn't make justice for anybody. The heart needs time to heal, and even if he looks like Taehyung, it's just a big no. But I'll leave it here, because the story is still on-going and it may change with time.

Okay... I am not the best reviewer here, because my English is not that good and I have a beta to be sincere, but wow... There were too many grammatical errors, not enough paragraphs, and the story overall had too many errors for me to point them out one by one (and I'm not a beta-reader so). If you want to really improve your English, use a dictionary. There are a lots of them in the web - use them. The Internet is an awesome tool, use it as your advantage. If you tend to be confused on verbs -like me, according to my beta-, Google them. It will take you some time, but it will worth it. I was quite bad at first, but little by little it became easier to me, and the errors I now do are minimum, or really basic. Also, the points of view are too confusing, because sometimes they don't coordinate with each other, and the reader may have to come back and re-read. This is not bad, but doing it frequently makes no sense. Also, you lack description - describe more. There's no point of putting pictures in your fan fic to describe a character. Use your imagination, your mind and take your time to create it. The reader would like to imagine it, not to see it with their own eyes. That's why it's called fan fiction, that's why people write; for people to re-create the scenery in their minds. 

None.

Well I didn't enjoy this story, sorry. When I first clicked it, I thought it was going to be interesting, but I was clearly disappointed. I thought the first paragraph of your story was brilliant (even with the errors), but that was it; it got stuck on that.  

I'm sorry I sounded harsh because I know I sounded that way, but please keep in mind that this is solemnly a review for you to improve. Don't get discourage ^^ because you have room to be better! Go for it.

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