The title was quite original, but the title didn’t have any attractiveness honestly, and I wouldn’t really click on it if I saw it. Despite such, it relates to the story well but I wished you could incorporate a deeper meaning to your title.

Creating titles aren’t easy, I know that, but with your wide range of vocabulary, I’m sure you’ll be able to crack something amazing.

Your description only had a sentence in it, and I was really disappointed. Your sentence held so much depth but you ended it there, there were no mysteries and such.

I would suggest at least three sentences, since it’s a one-shot, but the sentence revealed too little, I didn’t want to continue on the story because it seemed so empty.

I’m sure you write terrific poems, so maybe a poem description could work too.

As for the foreword, you don’t have one. I was once told by a reviewer that forewords were important, therefore you should always have a foreword! 

There really wasn’t a storyline; it looked more like an excerpt from a story. Honestly, I would have loved it if you made this into an entire storyline. What you wrote was an impressive outline that you could blossom into a beautiful chaptered fiction.

I can’t really judge the originality, but I’ve seen stories where the endings were similar; but the plot would be good if you could expand it more.

Your way of describing emotions were beautiful, but I didn’t know much about the characters as I had no story to fall back on.

No grammatical errors found. 

As mentioned earlier, if you made it into a story, say , the girl was depressed and her mind formed a person, Chen, to help her get through her horrible times, and at the end, Chen never existed. My heart would be absolutely wounded by the angst.

The plotline I gave you was just an example, thought out in five seconds, I just wanted to give you an example as to how your story one-shot can transform into chapters. 

You organized the paragraphs well, and I am in love with how you describe the surroundings and also the character’s emotions. I envy your usage of words; it was perfect. Absolutely perfect. 

I enjoyed the one-shot because I haven’t read something so beautifully written in a long time. Truly, it was utopian.

Despite my praises on your vocabulary, the words seemed a bit empty at times. Why? Well, because the readers did not have a back story to relate to, we don’t know why the main character is on the verge of suicide; (aside from the non-existence of Chen), we don’t know much as it is a one-shot. So, the sadness portrayed was very graphic, but I be sad with her because I wasn’t given time to understand her.

Your one-shot was beautiful, and I thank you, for touching subjects like suicide because there’s so much fictions these days, I just wanted to read something like this. Something that’s relatable.

Sorry for any typos and I hope you take some time to write a foreword next time. They make a difference. 

Don't forget to credit back to our shop, link required!