I'm a bit ... on the fence about this title--on one hand, it's not incredbily cliche; it's not a title I've seen VERY often but it's not exactly unique either. I wouldn't say it's the sort of title I would click on immediately however there are some titles that I look and cringe after reading and 'Ten Cliche memories' isn't one of those. I guess the only way to express it is that it's bland; sure, it connects with your story but it gives me the impression that everything in the story is going to be cliche and that turns me off a little. After having read your story, I'd also say that the connection it has with your story is superficial--of course, this is a choice you make as a writer, whether or not to have your title connect in with your story on a symbolic level or have a deeper meaning. It's clever and gets the reader thinking instantly, however you also run the risk of readers not understanding what you mean by it. As a reader I prefer to see deeper meanings in titles, but as a reviewer I won't take away points for that. In summary it's just too bland and not nearly innovative enough to grab someone's attention, I'm afraid. It lays out more of the story than a title should and it's a bit robotic (as in, the musicality of the words is a bit stiff to me and something that flows better would help) as well. Something more concise and snappier would probably help in grabbing attention.

I'll begin with the description; it's flat. It's just like the title; it lays the story out for you and there's nothing about it that intrigues me or makes me curious about the contents or the happenings of the story. The use of narrative voice there only makes it worse as it becomes somewhat patronising, to be honest. In addition the "Let me use the cliché number of ten and allow you a glimpse of that number of my most important memories with him." sounds incredibly stiff and rehearsed; it clashes horrendously with the use of narrative voice and when a reader comes across that, it generates not only a bad impression of your story but also doesn't push them to keep reading your story.

One thing I'd suggest you incude is mystery; not that you need to turn your story into a crimedrama, but maybe just that you describe it in a way that intrigues the reader and leaves them wondering about what will happen; don't worry about the length, good writing always makes up for that--keep in mind, quality not quantity. For instance, something like "He was always enraptured by the metamorphosis of green leaves to yellow as the first winds of autumn blew. And when he came across a certain blonde, it was no longer the leaves that enraptured him but the blonde man." might generate interest despite its length, the reason for that being the readers questioning the identity of the blonde male; or maybe what about him is so special.

The use of narrative voice isn't bad but it's a little ... odd and jarring to read. It might be better to use simple present/past in third person, but if you want to do narrative voice then go for it. I know for a fact that there are writers who can pull it off without seeming cheesy or rehearsed; I suppose one way to combat cheesiness or rehearsed lines is reading it out loud to yourself and then asking yourself if that sentence is something you would ever say. If it's not and it sounds awkward to you, then scrap it.

You don't actually have a foreword, just author's notes. Now I don't have a problem with this, though I can't mark you on a foreword you don't have, so I'm afraid you get no points for that. I would like to point out that having a foreword has a lot of benefits--all you're doing is including a snippet of your story but it definitely helps in generating reader interest. It gives the readers a taste of your story and from there they can decide if they want to continue reading or not and trust me when I say they're more likely to want to keep reading if they've already sampled a little of your writing as opposed to having seen author's notes. 

I wouldn't say I struggled to read your story by any means--everything flowed cleanly, there weren't any massive grammatical errors that hindered my ability to understand what you were saying and breaking the memories into little snippets worked in favour of your story. I did, however, find two things that stopped me from enjoying your story as much as I could have. The first is your extreme comma overuse--I'm guilty of this myself, but I think it's quite common for people to simply at a comma wherever they might normally pause whilst saying something they've written.

As a reader I found that this was both jarring because I paused more than I would have liked to whilst reading your work and also distracting. There's something about too many commas in a sentence that is visually unappealing. For example: "I, for one, was still lacking knowledge about the popular music here and had no idea who this group was and just how popular they were" should really be "I for one was stil ... ". Essentially this sentence could have been written without the use of a comma but the presence of commas makes the reader pause there unnecessarily. This appears to be quite frequent in yur writing--my only suggestion would be to read your work out to yourself and try to pick up on where it sounds right and wrong. Of course, to help you with that it would be a good idea to look up on the exact uses of commas and then, whenever you use a comma unconsciously, ask yourself if it's needed there. For instance, one use of commas is to break down list--so when you're writing a list, remind yourself that you need commas or when you'ev used a comma, double check to make sure it's needed.

The second problem I ran into was your awkward sentence structure; rather than awkward, I'd say your style tends to be somewhat cluttered and includes redunant phrases that really take away attention from what you're trying to convey. For example: "Suddenly, a wave of security guards flew in, surrounding a group of no more and no less than twelve men, each in their early to mid twenties." Was it necessary to say "no more and no less"? Or pinpoint their (incorrect might I add, EXO are still in their early twenties and Sehun and Jongin aren't in their twenties yet) ages? Had you maybe rephrased it to read, for example, "Suddenly ... surrounding a group of twelve young men, presumably in their twenties." it would have expressed your idea better. I also found a couple of instances of word confusion--you used embarrassingly instead of embarrassedly once or twice, I believe. I think it would be a good idea to have someone read over your work or put it through Word just to catch those tiny errors. 

Taking the only two characters in this story, the impression I've received is that they're both flat. Very flat. I wouldn't go quite to the point of dubbing Mitsuki a Mary-Sue but as a reader I found myself to be quite detached from her because we just don't know anything about her. I couldn't even discern her personality or tell what she was thinking or feeling in any of those situations. It was really as if in each of those memories, you just had Mitsuki recount the barebones of what happened to her and that both bores the reader and makes Mitsuki flat. For instance, how does she feel when Kris proposes to her? What about the pain she felt after the accident? What about the pain she must have felt when Kris revealed his relationship with Choonhi? What about her thought processes? What is she thinking of when she is being interviewed? What about quirks that are unique to her? Is she loud or quiet? Is she impulsive or rational? We don't see any of this in her recounting of these memories and that just makes her very unrelatable and unlikeable as a character. Since the readers know nothing about her, they find it hard to appreciate her presence and role in the story, which in turn turns them off the story as without the protagonist, there more or less is no story.

A good way to improve would be detail; keep in mind to not include too much of it or else that will bore the reader as well. What would be good to include is Mitsuki's reasoning, feelings and thoughts--this is showing her core to the readers and by exposing her innermost traits, you're allowing the readers to judge her for themselves and form a relationship with her. It's always a good idea to add quirks in--maybe she plays with her hair when she's nervous? Or she bites her nails? Maybe she tends to her chin when she's thinking? Little things like that humanise her and add a little bit of spice to her character. Essentially this also allows readers to think she's like them--another human being--and thus appreciate her a bit more. Just keep in mind that nobody is particularly interested in mundane things like Mitsuki's shoe size. You most certainly want to show her personality through your writing though; that's really what captivates your readers--how the characters behave. It's not what they look like or where the story is set in, and though to a certain extent plot matters, it's the characters who convey your message after all and that's why they're of prime importance. 

I wouldn't say Kris is any different from Mitsuki--he seems to be this classic good guy in your story and since the story is written from Mitsuki's perspective, it's quite hard to show his thoughts and feelings, though that shouldn't stop you from showing them anyway. Maybe have him express them through speech or his actions or perhaps have Mitsuki overhear a conversation or witness a private moment. Seeing as Kris is one of the protagonists, it is necessary for him to be more complex and well-thought-out a character as opposed to being the stereotypical prince charming. As in the case for Mitsuki, showing quirks and habits of his along with his thought processes, feelings and reasoning is a good idea as well. It's all the more important to humanise him as readers only see him through another pair of eyes--Mitsuki's. I'm sorry to have laid all of this down so bluntly, but I find that bland, underdeveloped characters are often worse than exaggerated, unrealistic ones.  

I wouldn't say that there is any 'change' in their characterisations either, for obvious reasons--one little thing that's worth thinking about is how actions, events and choices affect and shape your characters. Do they change for the better or the worse? How does their behaviour at the end contrast with their behaviour at the beginning?

I ... could not really find anything original in your story, I'm sorry to say; this girl has the picture-perfect ending with an idol after facing unrequited love and an adultery-scare. I've seen both of those before. She also works for SM, which has been done before as well, though I'm glad to see that she wasn't a fellow idol but rather a staff member. I didn't find your characterisations to be interesting nor was your writing style particularly unique ... quite frankly, everything you have there is bland and very similar to what dozens of other people have done in the past. I'm sorry that this is so harsh, but I've really no other way to putting it. :/

Though I'm aware that cliches can often be enjoyable, I can't say the same for yours. I found that you followed your cliche to a tee and since you didn't put your own spin on it, I couldn't find myself enjoying it; I could more or less predict what would occur and that left me wanting to no longer finish reading it. There are multiple ways to make a story more interesting; you most certainly don't need numerous plot twists and those can be quite hard to incorporate into a fluffier, light-romance-themed story. One way to make your plot more interesting is your characters; think about how they react to events and what choices they make--they could make less popular choices, they could get caught up in the heat of the moment nad make unfavourable choices, they could react dramatically to events in their lives ... so yes, don't fret about your bland plotline, there most certainly are ways to spice that up. Of course, if you want to include plot twists, that's wonderful as well because they certainly make stories all the more interesting and entertaining.

I thought your diction was sound for the most part; the only errors I picked up were minor and likely a result of carelessness or maybe just minor slip-ups. However, I find that your writing is rather bland, much like your characterisation and plot--there's the use of narrative voice which is hardy a problem as this is a recount, yet there's no detail to your writing either. There's no description of anything nor is there a wide range of vocabulary used ... there no imagery, nor anything that allows the reader to imagine the scene. There are two dire consequences as a result of this; the first is that you run the risk of boring your readers because your writing is so plain. The second is that you add to the issue of a lack of character detail by not detailing your writing more. I'll tackle the two issues I mentioned above separately.

The first issue I saw was bland, simplistic writing. Of course, simplistic writing can often be very elegant and poetic; in your case I found that it was more flat and dull. For example: "Before I knew it, I’d been working there for about a year. It was definitely interesting to see all of the idols moving in and out of recording rooms, offices, and other rooms I worked in." There's so much more detail you could add to this sentence to make it easier for the readers to feel involved with your story and become more captivated by it. You could, for instance, rewrite this sentence as "In what felt like the blink of an eye, a year had passed since I had joined SM and I could hardly believe it. It was definitely interesting to witness thhe hubub of idol life--of watching them glide in and out of recording rooms and offices in frenzies ... " Do you see what I mean (I really hope you do!)? It's usually better to include details as they allow the reader to picture the setting in their head. As I mentioned earlier though, don't get carried away with the detail, purple prose often turns people off as well--it's necessary to

Though not the worst story I've read by a long shot, I don't particularly feel compelled to give you bonus points for anything after having read your story; sorry. I would not say I hated it but that it didn't stand out to me in any way nor was there a particular element that captured my interest--your writing is sound, but not captivating, your plot isn't flawed or riddled with loopholes but not unique or breathtaking, your characters aren't unbelievable, but they're not relatable or likeable either. So ... yes, I'm sorry, but I really can't find much to give you bonus points for.

Well, as a reader I didn't hate your story, but I can't really say that I liked it either. I found it really hard to get attached to the characters and I couldn't really enjoy the plot either because it was so predictable. As a reader I also prefer detail and I found that your story sorely lacked that ... so, as a reader I can't really say I enjoyed the story, however there are a lot of other factors contributing to that opinion, inclusive of my preferences. :3

I thought your layout was very pretty! It was incredibly neat, simple and elegant at the same time which I thought really fitted the mood of your story. In addition they font size and colour were very aesthetically pleasing as well and this is really just pseudoscience but I think neater layouts are more likely to keep readers hooked on to their story. I think really, all you need to work on to improve your story is detail--more detail to characters, to your writing, to your plot ... just whatever you can do to spice up your story within reason; maybe a plot twist, maybe more complex characters, maybe a richer writing style. I did however think that nothing reflected badly on your writing skills (your basic writing skills, that is); I didn't come across any grammatical errors or spelling ones and your sound diction and syntax certainly pleased me as a reader.

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