(Forevermore) In terms of length, grammar, and capitalization, the title is fine. However, in terms of creativity and memorability, there is not much. There are more than a dozen of fictions with the same title as yours. However, despite these facts, it immediately captivated my attention. It was a word filled with meaning and love.

Forevermore, in my opinion, is a word filled with symbolism. It represents so much in your story: chanyeol’s life, the love, the memories etc. Therefore, your title and your storyline click well. I could not make a better title for this fiction then what you already have. In terms of theme and mood, it was perfect as well. The only marks I could take off it for the title not being creative and memorable because these are important elements as your story could be mistaken for another easily. However, I would definitely not advice you to change it!

 

Baekhyun is just another passing being in Chanyeol's immortal life, but why does his absence make it feel like he is so much more than that? – The description is supposed to provide a hook and yours definitely did the job. I just love it because it was nice and concise. That one sentence clicked with the story like a lock and key. The only thing I can pick out as a disadvantage is the colour. Is that green, or am I blind? Anyway, black is the colour you should stick to for the sake of presentation.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay a while, make footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same again. – Was this your inspiration or prompt? Whatever it was, it links in with your story perfectly. However, it was not well presented. If it were a prompt then I would advise you to do this; prompt: ‘Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay a while, make footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same again.’ – Flavia Weedn. Alternatively, if it was your inspiration, you replace inspiration with prompt. All this should go into the foreword because a description is not the perfect place to put this in.

I found the story (?) part unnecessary. I do not see a reason why that is there. It actually revealed that Baekhyun only lives for twenty-three years. If you did not mention that, you would have deceived the readers into thinking he died of old age. Therefore, when it did come to that plane crashing news, they would be utterly heartbroken. To be honest, I did not read that part until the end and it had a great effect on me. Therefore, if you want to catch the readers in tears then I will suggest you remove that part. However, this is entirely up to you since you might not want to make the reader cry.

 

The context of the foreword was fine. The prompt used was perfect for this story, it connected well to the ending. ‘Baekhyun doesn’t fade though. Baekhyun doesn’t go away no matter how many times Chanyeol writes his name in the sand and watches the ocean sweep it away. When things get hard to bear, Chanyeol comes down to the shore and writes out his feelings in the sand, watches the sea drink up his pain. But even though the pang of grief disappears slowly over time, the very essence of Baekhyun still remains.’ – This was just beautiful, the way you united the prompt and Chanyeol’s feelings was just heart-warming.

The only thing that gets on my nerves is the color use. You used pastel colors, which is not as big of a sin as bright colors but it still would be a little hard on the eyes if spent more time looking at it.

 

I could not spot any mistake at all other than the one below, which seems like a typo.

Reality slaps him so hard, in fact, that tears roll down his face and the way they burn on Chanyeol’s cheeks tell him everything he never wanted to know.

Correction: Reality slaps him so hard, in fact, that tears rolls down his face and the way they burn on Chanyeol’s cheeks tells him everything he never wanted to know.

Explanation: The verb of a sentence must agree with the subject in number and in person. You are supposed to use the term ‘tells’ instead of ‘tell’. Maybe it was just a typo since this is the only mistake I found.

 

In my opinion, you did a wonderful job with characterization. Baekhyun and Chanyeol cannot seem more three-dimensional than this. You have captured the negative sides of being immortal in Chanyeol. People think immortality is something amazing and only amazing. They never think of the other side of it. They never think about the drawbacks. However, you have captured the positives and negatives well. The positives being, the chance of meeting other people like Baekhyun. The negative being, the feeling he goes through when he has to let them go. Chanyeol seemed so human; his feelings seemed so real that it allows us to connect with him immediately.

Baekhyun’s character was just as great. Baekhyun’s love for Chanyeol was hidden at first then I slowly started realizing it was there, it existed. His dream brought him to death. It was sad, but I am glad he died and did not change to being an immortal.

The relationship between the two developed a little fast though. Eventhough it drags your believabilty down a little, it does not matter. 

 

Well, the elements immortality, romance, deaths are common. Because I am avid reader of such fictions, I know if it is commonly used of not. On the other hand, you brought the plot together in your own way with your own touch. For example, Baekhyun’s dreams; that was something unique because many people give up their dreams for their love but Baekhyun did not. He followed it till the very end. Therefore, I found your story very unique.

 

The unity of the beginning, middle, and denouement was great. It was well rounded and beautifully portrayed. The way you contrasted the immortal to the human was great. Time runs out for the person who has so much to do, and time stops for the person who has nothing. The irony in that was brilliant. I cannot stop praising this fiction; the plot line has struck to my mind as the fingers struck to my hand.

The only thing I can suggest is foreshadowing. Everything fiction needs the element of foreshadows. It is when the beginning hints the event that is going to happen in the future. Baekhyun always talks about his dream. When he did, it would have been nice if something bad happened to him. This will foreshadow that when he actually goes on the trip, something extremely bad is going to happen. Your story reminded me of ‘Of Mice and Men’, the novel by Steinbeck. He went into detail about dreams, and how the dream of these two characters was hopeless and not possible. Especially this character called Lenny, he died at the end thinking about the dream. It was quite sad.

Anyway, other than lacking in that element, I have no problems with your plot. It was simply awesome.

 

Note: In this section, I will be dwelling into nine sub-units; detail, imagery, diction, syntax, overall consistency, genre/purpose, figurative language, narration, and overall presentation.

For detail, I would give a score of four out of four. Details are the information you provide the readers through description. In this case, everything was well described so the scene was laid out in the my mind.

For imagery, I would score you a zero out three. Imagery is when you compare an object that is present in the story to another object that is not present in the story (does this make sense?). I have not spotted a single use of imagery in your fiction (I even reread it to confirm). Imagery is important because it helps the reader imagine the scene occurring.

For diction, I would score you four out of four. The uses of words were simple yet beautiful. Simplicity is the perfect for this type of fiction.

Syntax, the score would be three out of three. This is because your sentence structure was good. I am glad you did not use much short sentences because those express less complex ideas.

Overall consistency, the score would be three out of three because I believed the consistency of everything was perfect. The logic, accuracy and fairness of events and settings were neat.

Genre/purpose, score is zero out of four. To be honest, I did not know the genre or the purpose of this fiction. I guess, it is not aimed at an age group or any type of reader. It seems angst but it doesn’t. The overall effect you have created was sadness but would sad come under a genre.

For figurative language, the score would be zero out of three. This is because I did not see any use of figurative language. For example, similes metaphors, personification etc. Sad fictions need figurative language because the connotations of words are needed to communicate the ideas and messages to your readers.

Narration, the score is three out of three. You used third person instead of switching prospective. This enables you to neatly convey everyone is thought and consciousness. With third-person, there are ways in which you can tweak what information the readers are given that you cannot really for first and second. Therefore, I am glad.

Overall presentation, the score is three out of three. Everything was perfect; layout, font size, and font was remained constant.

P.S: I am so sorry for making most of the sections short. I am in a hush since you requested ages ago and I cannot think of anything else to say.

 

Lovely ending, poster, and linkage to prompt. 

 

Loved this story. It was touchingly beautiful. Will recommend it soon (seriously I have a few stories to recommend so if you do not see anything any time soon, please do not hate me).

 

I am so sorry for the delayed short review! Anyway, keep writing, smiling, and stay blessed. 

 

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