From the very beginning I lost interest in your fanfiction. The reason is simple, your title literally screams cliché, boring, or something similar to me. Married Life is too direct, too obvious, and too common. Believe it or not, there are dozens if not hundreds of fanfics with this same name.

Don’t do it. Just don’t.

Titles can make or break a fic because they are the first thing a reader sees. When I am scrolling through aff, looking at my favorite tags, I’m going to click on the fic that has a title that pulls me in that makes me want to see the actual story. It doesn’t matter how great your story is if you can’t get me to click on it with a good title.

That being said, titles are also hard to make. My suggestion to you is to identify what the point of your story is, what it includes, a theme, a reoccurring thought, a purpose or just an emotion that is important. Take that and transfer that into a title. This creates deeper meaning and an abstract connection, and usually these sorts of titles are the ones that are interesting and help pull people in.

I did give you ten points because your title connected…but I will not lie to you, connection is worthless if connection is shallow. Dig deeper. Find something within your fic that shines and exploit that to create a beautiful title.

My hand really hurt after scrolling through this humongous foreword page of yours. I wanted to cry after having to had scroll through millions of character descriptions to actually get to a real description. I was close to tears after reading your description. I started bawling after seeing that you didn’t have a foreword.

Alright, that’s exaggerating, I didn’t cry, but I was disappointed.

First off, don’t do character descriptions. I didn’t even read them. They’re a waste of time and spoil the story and don’t do anything good. If you have to explain and introduce your characters using character descriptions instead of slowly revealing them in the story, then you are destined to have bad characterization. Leave the meeting of the characters to the actual writing.

Even if you felt compiled to introduce your characters do it after your actual description. You have to remember that when people are scrolling through aff, the first thing they see in your story is the first 140 or so characters. I’m not going to click on a story unless its first 140 or so characters are killer. Make yours killer or else people like me, who have no time to give every fiction a chance are just going to gloss right over it.

Next, on your description. God. Within a total of what? Two hundred words? Three hundred? You’ve managed to confuse me. There were too many characters, too many things to keep track of. Don’t do that, it confuses and overwhelms readers and once you do that, readers leave. Make your description simple and introduce the single overriding conflict, end with a killer sentence that makes them beg to read more. Currently your description makes me want to look elsewhere because I can’t keep track of any of the names or anything that’s going on and it certainly doesn’t capture my attention. Also don't say read on to find out more...it's just not good.

On the foreword. It’s simple. Really simple. Write one. Forewords are the best place to entice reader and compel them to read your story. Forewords are great places to insert an interesting future scene or a cliffhanger. Spend five minutes writing a foreword and you will reap endless benefits. Please do it.

Reading this took a real toll on my eyes. First, all grammatical issues aside, it literally hurt my eyes to read this. The reason is simple. You don't use spaces after punctuation that basically jumbled up your entire story. Please, please, add spaces after periods, commas, exclamation points, all types of punctuation. Do you notice how I put spaces between my sentences? That is what you need to do. Even if you had no grammatical mistakes in your entire story, just the simple fact that you had no spaces made me want to cry. Please don't do that, go fix it now, if you only take one thing away from this review, let it be this.

Now, onto the actual grammar of your story. I get that English is not your first language and that is forgivable. However, I do think you need to make an effort to learn the English grammar is you are going to be using it to write fanfiction. I am not a grammar Nazi nor am I, myself, an expert in grammar, and heavens forbid I am not perfect. However, the amount of grammatical errors in your story really, really made your entire story fall apart. It made it extremely hard to concentrate on anything. I have edited the first chapter of your story like I do for all non-native English speakers. Please check it out and try to understand why I made the changes I did.

Chapter One Edited

I am not a beta-reader so I will not point out or proofread the mistakes in each of your chapters. Hopefully through my edit of your first chapter you will be able to figure out your mistakes and apply it to the rest of your story. I will explain some of the issues below so that you understand them better.

First of all, please don't use digits (1, 2, 3) instead of words (one, two, three). It just makes your story appear extremely unprofessional.

Next, don't use ~s, they are extremely unprofessional, unnecessary and to sum it all up: evidence of immature writing.

I fixed some of your spelling errors. All of these can be caught by running your story through Word before posting it. Please do that, it can also help catch some of your grammatical errors.

Your biggest problem in this entire piece is tenses. In English you have to stick to the same tense. For example:

After they finished bathing, they quickly ran out to the bed and start their 'activity'.

After they finished bathing, they quickly ran out to the bed and started their 'activity'.

Your entire story is in past tense, so in order for the tenses to agree you have to use started instead of start. Most of my fixes were on tenses so please go through your story and make sure all of your sentences are in past tense.

Also, when using ellipses, please make sure you use three periods consistently. Often you would use two or four which makes it very messy and uncomfortable to read.

One last thing. I can't tell you how much it irks me when writers use texting language in their writing. You can very easily type out 'oh my god' so why use 'omg' and risk coming off as immature?

In summary you had too many grammatical errors for this to be an enjoyable read, however, I trust that most of these errors are easily fixable, I have hope that you can manage to correct them all. Good luck.

I apologize that this section is not going to be very long. None of your characters left any impression on me. I was just reading your story without ever developing any connection with any of your characters, they were just words on a computer screen that I could care less about. That made me especially sad since I wanted to at least like Donghae, since he’s one of my biases in Super Junior, but even with him, an idol, I love I found myself unable to care about.

All of your characters were flat that they become hard to even discuss on this review. So rather, I’d just like to give you some general tips.

Please describe them. Tell me about their emotions, give them a back story, heck, tell me about their appearances. Give them a freaking personality. Make them pop. Make them develop, make them change. Characters are a writer’s nature assist so use them. Description is what you are lacking.

Everyone on aff that has read at least ten stories have seen this plot. Girl choses a guy but another one likes her, whoops, now someone is mad and is plotting to take down the guy she ended up choosing. Great.

Alright, it’s totally cool to have similarities to other plots, because let’s face it, nearly every single idea out there has been utilized. The problem is, your story has a lack of anything that would serve to make it unique.

Add in a few plot twists, add in a few elements, make this cliché storyline yours. Until then, it is just one amongst many.

I gave you thirty points because you do have a plot. Yoona and Jiyong are in love with each other and happily married but unfortunately two other people have their eyes on Yoona instead. You have a clear conflict that needs to be solved and that is enough to get you thirty points.

The other sixty points that I could not give you are lost because you had no plot twists or enticing moments in your actual story. It failed to keep me interested. Romance can become bland extremely fast if you don’t add in events that draw readers in.

Also, I found some of the plotline to be a bit farfetched. I don’t understand why TaeCyeon would try to hurt Jiyong. Yes, I know, he wants Yoona…but to go as far as hurting Jiyong is a bit of a stretch. Now, you can solve this problem easily by describing his motives and emotions in more detailed. Are you seeing a theme here? Description. Have it.

There were so many time switches, so many different povs, so many different characters that your story left my head spinning. There was not enough linkage between any of your events. Just an easy example: you start out the story with the marriage scene that didn’t even pay a key part in your story and then automatically skip to two years later. Don’t write about things that don’t play a key role in your actual story; that just makes your story come off as clunky.

Also, don't tell us the scene by using a header and then underlining it. Just describe it to us instead. For example, instead of saying:

At The Jazzy Bar (8:00 PM)

Just take it out, put a divider to separate your scenes and then start out with a description of your scene. It gives your writing more flow and makes it more enjoyable to read.

Besides such, I’d like to focus on a different aspect of your story instead. Description. God. Description is the one thing all writer’s need to master. Without description your story is akin to a skeleton without muscles.

I’m going to take the wedding scene from your story and show you an example of how you could elaborate on it. I get that you’ve never been married before, but here’s the thing, writers need to develop an art that allows them to describe things that they themselves have never felt before or seen before. If not knowing something is an excuse for not describing it then I don’t know where fantasy and scifi and the beauty that is historical fiction would be.

Description is the key to painting and making your fanfiction come to life. Let’s try to describe this wedding scene.

The wedding hall was painted with white, soft flower petals fell from the ceiling mixed in with light down. Yoona smiled brightly as she walked down the aisle, her hand clutching Jiyong’s. She had chosen this hall and she was not disappointed.

To be married in a dreamlike palace setting – was that not the dream of every young girl? Here in this vivid paradise she felt like she was the luckiest person in the world. She was surround by all those that loved her. Joy was like a tiny thing with wings as it fluttered around in her chest.

Bright lines of gold shined down upon them as they strode down the aisle to the altar. The priest was already there waiting, smiling just as brightly as all the others in the long hall. Yoona’s heart thumped against her ribcage. This was it. She was about to seal the destiny on the rest of her entire life.

The man, she would love him, be with him forever; bound to him by the promise they would make today in this glorious hall.

This is just a rough idea of how you could describe the beauty and happiness of the moment. This is the moment she gets married, make it special.

Also, it is so horrible to use pictures instead of describing something. Spend some time and write instead of looking for pictures instead. I could frankly care less about the pictures you find. I want to read your writing, I want to see images painted by your words. Do you see pictures in real books? No. So what makes fanfictions different?

I gave you two points for the gorgeous poster. Props to whoever made it, that poster is definitely eyecandy.

I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t enjoy this story. I tried very hard to, but I didn’t. You may be disadvantaged by the fact that the only idol you used that I actually knew and liked was Donghae and by the fact that I don’t like stories that are pure romance and I tend to be on the side of aff. However, past all of that, I just had a hard time staying interested and trying to focus on the plot and actual story instead of the lack of description and grammatical errors.

Get rid of the layout, please. Find a different one. Your current story layout only hurts your story. It reminds me of unicorns puking rainbows or my little ponies or something other girly kid show. It just isn’t good for your story. Keep your layout professional and simple to make your writing the focus instead of something superficial.

Once again, I apologize for the harsh nature of this review. Don’t let me or anyone else discourage you from continuing to write this fic and your other fics. Writing is something that you have to continue to try at in order to improve. You will get there one day so keep writing.