Right off the bat, let me clear out something. Instead of 'Sunsu: Legend of The Heart' it should be 'Sunsu: Legend of the Heart' articles like 'the' aren't capitalized in titles unless it is at the beginning.

This title captures peoples attention for sure since it sort of sounds epic. It's interesting to a mutual point where you just want to find out what sort of story this will be. It's highly obvious after you read how it's EXO that you know it has something to do with their super powers. I would say that it wasn't exactly creative as after reading this I sort of cringe after reading 'legend' so many times. It didn't give me any sort of feel, it was just there. So far in the story, I can sort of understand why the title is that way, but still it was just too plain for me.

Not exactly the most original thing, your description. It's pretty much the EXO tale which is told at the beginning of the MAMA music video but twisted a bit. To be quite honest I was turned off by this. The whole idea of 'ooh a girl who is the key to it all' just made me sort of dread reading this story. The entire idea of this isn't that original, neither is the whole legends thing. I want to read a story, to not be retold one in a not very different light. Your foreword was pretty much your characters. For this sort of story and in this situation, I really needed something to boost my excitement for it. I read the description and I was already bored and if I wasn't reviewing this, I'll be completly honest and say that I would've clicked the back arrow. I was looking for maybe an epic fight scene that randomly cut off and had me murdering my left mouse button to go to the first chapter and start this amazing tale. But no, I was just left with an underwhelming feeling. (please don't be offended, I'm just trying to be honest)

I give you points for separating M and K and creating two OCs and not just one so it sort of balanced it out with two girls and twelve guys. But still this was not balanced at all. It's difficult to create a female OC with EXO when you're involving every single one of them. The whole power thing isn't that original and such but you did go for a different route than other stories and you had them live undercover and in a human world. But still the entire OC thing just ruined the entire story in my own opinion. This story had a lot of potential to be really original and have EXO be like society's heroes or something.

The entire 'pure one' and OC thing just made it all less original than it already began with. This story could've had EXO duking it out with the Red Forces creatures as they try and stay hidden and live among society. It could've been an epic story about living as a human, but fighting as a protector of Tree of Life. There could've been a lot of conflict with all of the characters getting fed up with their human lives or the reverse of them getting fed up with their duty. I'm giving this to you as an idea for future works.

But no, instead this story had the traditional plot line. Pretty much after chapter two or three I knew exactly what was going to happen, or something close to what it is now. The fact that you had each girl live with six members of EXO (split into their subunit divisions respectively) in mansions is already so cliche. A few of them obviously are falling for Chunjie and Hana has something obviously up her sleeve. I mean you could've done those scenes better, but the entire base of it and how it was executed turned me off.

It's the perfect 'pure' girl that everybody likes (not counting the Red Forces since those are supposed to hate the Legends) the jealous 'seems to be evil and undercover' girl and twelve guys. A few of them which, are falling for the perfect 'pure' girl.

Your characters were flat, uninteresting, and flimsy. I'll go by characters through their roles and as they get less and less important, it'll be in groups.

Chunjie (Sunsu) - She has absolutely no flaws. I tried, so so hard to like her character but I ended up just being bored by her. She's loved, she's cared for, she's beautiful, and the whole package of the perfect girl that it was so boring to read about. This isn't a flaw. The fact that she's boring is because of her personality that makes it boring, not because she is boring, it is a flaw. No, she's just so innocent and such that it's so flat. She accepted her fate as it was and I find this to be one of the things that pushed me off the cliff with this story. I would've accepted it if she had said that she had hated it for a long time, but understood later that fate is fate and she might as well accept it. But no, she accepted it full on. First thing, she was like 'I understand' and accepted it. Rea life, fictional story, fanfiction about Asian men, whatever it is this was just so unrealistic that it made me conclude that this story was only being carried by supporting characters and a tiny plot. She's not exactly explained either about what sort of powers she had and such either. She just seemed like 'oh I'm the key I'm the prize and I'm going to just sit here and do nothing about it but swoon you all without even realizing it'

Kris and Suho - The leaders, the ring leaders, and the boss of their groups. I half expected Kris to fall for Chunjie but not Suho too. Like Chunjie, they lacked any character to them. They were just perfect dolls that cared about Chunjie and seemed like that perfect boyfriend if they didn't have super powers. I had hope for Suho. He seemed like a good character that was the only one that seemed real. He suspected Hana, acted like a jerk to her and everything that I would like a human being to do. But he sort of failed me after he got swooned by Chunjie, but this is natural so I did like his character somewhat. What I'm going to say next addresses the K and M so I'll group them.

The rest of the K and M teams - They all had absolutely no backgrounds, no character, and no life to them. They were merely dolls. When Hana broke that vase and Kai was near it I expected him to half explode and be like 'What is wrong with you?!' or 'Why did you do that?!" but no he was just so calm and acted like that perfect boyfriend and soothed you. They all had no life to them and it seemed like I was just watching a fangirl's fantasy. Truthfully I felt that each character was like this. The fangirl's fantasy. Your perfect guy friends of many who love and protect you and that one jealous girl that might ruin it, but it seems like since you have so many guy friends and even some of them are falling for you, that it won't be much of a bother.

Hana - Her character was something I actually enjoyed. She seemed three dimensional and such. She tried to be nice to Suho, got frustrated, and then showed her evil side. I liked how she told Kai the false information too.

I see from your warnings in bold red that you revised your story and had a beta reader. I can say that what you make up in story, you have perfect spelling and grammar. It's just times that there is random Korean or Chinese invovled it gets confusing because sometimes I can't tell (especailly for Chinese) what is a nickname, what is a description, and what is a word.

Hyung is okay, I can accept that. It's just eomma and such it just turns me off. The thing is and in my own opinion, that when you mix Korean and English, it sounds really really childish. Just a thing to note.

Like I said back in the originality block, this plot wasn't that interesting nor was it that original. It was predictable and boring. Nothing wowed me in this story. Instead of going 'OMFG LET ME READ MOREEE NO WHY IS THERE A CLIFFHANGER WHAT NO WHY' I was instead 'I knew it was going to happen." and that made me really upset.

This plotline could've really been something. The title gave it an epic feel but the story fell short from the very beginning and kept on falling shorter and shorter as everything I predicted came relatively true. This plotline was too cliche and too overdone for me to appreciate it, sorry but that's the truth.

Also, you don't exactly have a knack for describing action scenes. You didn't really describe anything about where they live honestly. When they fight a Red Force there has to be some stuff that is in their way when Tao stops time and I was really looking for them dodging rubble that the creature threw around. Truthfully the creatures weren't that menacing either. They sort of just dodged or stood. Not exactly well written antagonists or action scenes on your part.

You did get your moment timing relatively right. You did speed up and slow down the right moments right. I would say part of my confusion and awkwardness when reading this was because it was really awkward when you switched between worlds. It just didn't seem right when you had a moment in the M world and all of a sudden the asterisks would come up and it would switch to the K world. It just didn't seem right as in the flow was choppy and there were times that the switch was a hinder.

While I was pumped for an epic story with fighing and action, I was met with boring characters, an overused and highly predictable plotline, and no thrill. There wasn't any mystery and pretty much everything seemed obvious. You had a lot of potential for this story. I would suggest a heavy revision in the characters and the entire plot, but that would probably mean endless amounts of work and editing for you, so that's something you should only do if you're really willing to change and make this story something you'll be known for.

You said to be biased but honest, and I don't exactly think those two statements make sense, but I went with what I always do which. Don't make this low score dampen your mood about this story. Like I said, it had a lot of potential to become something really great and interesting. Please don't be offended by what I've said above.

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