You get two points because your title really relates well to your story. However, it sounds like some title to a fluff fiction, if I passed this while browsing AFF I'd probably go: "another story about Tao being the cute adorable thing he is and abusing his Geges to the point of no return" this is a title thus that screams cliché; which your story is not. I think your story needs a new, more intriguing, darker title.

I would go with a phrase or just a single word that portrays the overall tone / theme of your story. Usually using short phrases for titles does wonders when it comes to attracting attention of readers. Your title is the first thing  a reader sees of your fic and it is important to make first impressions count. In fact, for some reasons, your title may be the determining factor in whether or not they read it; and right now it isn't.

This applies to your entire story but I'm going to rant about it here in this section because this is the first place it appears. First of all you're probably not a Chinese speaker (if you are I apologize) and thus probably don't possess a great understanding of the Chinese language. And that is completely understandable and forgivable especially since Chinese honorifics aren't as well-known as Korean ones and thus can easily be misused.

But being Chinese, I could not stand it. I want to tell you what you did wrong so that you can change it or at least not repeat the mistake in the future. While this may not bother people who do not know Chinese or speak it fluently to someone like me who speaks Chinese it is so annoying. I had to stop several times while reading your description to just tell myself it was okay and that I wasn't going to die from reading the misuse of Chinese.

But I died a little on the inside despite what I kept on telling myself. So what is this mistake?

'Didi-er'

I can't believe I just typed that. I'm looking at my fingers and cringing because I did. Because it is so incorrect. Sorry I'm ranting here and being a completely but it irks me so much when someone uses the language wrong (this is nothing against you of course and I love you and stuff but this bothers me).

Let me try to explain to you what exactly you're doing by adding 'er' onto 'didi'. So from your knowledge 'didi' means little brother and 'er' is a sound that Chinese people add to the end of things to express love, affection or stuff like that right? These definitions are basically correct. That being said it would make sense that if you put 'didi' and 'er' together what you get is an affectionate way to call a younger male.

NO. That is wrong.

...And it's not your fault. It's because Chinese is a complicated, confusing language that even I want to hit it on the head sometimes, because it's so mean and evil and difficult.

I'm going to give you an English equivalent of what it does. (This is extreme and not really a good example because the English language lacks an equivalent but it'll have to do.) It's like saying Baby and then adding a Honey on the end of it. Baby Honey? What the heck? Isn't that like totally redundant?

Okay that was a bad example. Let me try a different example. (Not Korean so this example may be wrong.) But in Korean you use shi (or something like that) to express respect for elders but you can also use hyung for example. Using didi-er is like saying Kris hyung shi. Repetitive and weird sounding. It's like saying an orange is sweet by saying the orange is sweet sweet. And frankly, in Chinese it just sounds plain bad. (Truth: er is actually really country sounding, usually we stray from using it too much and it is usually only attached to certain words or used as a nickname by taking the last character of the name and attaching er. For example Tao er or Fan er or Xing er - Tao, Kris, Lay.).

Do you get what I mean? Just say Didi. Please.

Okay now let's talk about your actual description, how do I feel about it once I look past all the cringe worthy 'didi-er's? Quite frankly I am left confused by it. But the confusion is mostly due to grammar which you will read about later in readability so for now I'll just be commenting on the content of it.

It is quite literally a string of questions. A very long string of questions followed by self-conscious answers which I assume are Tao's inner thoughts. Questions and thoughts can be quite effective in descriptions when effectively utilized. However, too much of it is repetitive and by the end I was very, very confused as to what anything meant anymore. I would take some time and sit down, decided on a maximum of three questions that stick out the most and focus on those, emphasizing them. This way you will be able to better entertain the extremely short attention spans of most of the people on AFF. Shorter is (for most cases) better for descriptions, focus on being concise with your words and cutting stuff out. Because, to put it bluntly, people are going to get bored by the sixth line.

Another thing to keep in mind (and you might want to clarify to me in the comments) at first it seems like Tao's talking to himself:

"They all not love Didi-er right? They all love teasing Didi-er so much right?"

It seems like he's talking to himself because he's referring to their love for him and it reads like an insecure question. But later it seems like it's his Gege talking...

"Gege will always by your side Didi-er.. Gege cannot live without Didi-er.."

You see what I mean? It leaves me so completely confused. With descriptions you never want to leave your reader confused, they'll x out immediately if they aren't a hardcore Tao fan or a lover of your tags. (Coming back to this now that I finished the story. I guess it makes sense to me now, but it's a bad idea to put something in your description that won't makes sense to the reader until they finish reading it.)

Thus, in conclusion, focus on cutting your description down and making it clearer. Now onto your foreword.

I am sighing right now because I swear this is at least the fourth time I've typed the same thing on my reviews in a row. In the review I did maybe six hours ago I told them that I was planning on writing a rant to this so that I wouldn't have to repeat myself each time, I said the same thing on a different review a day ago, and another a different one two days ago. But I have yet to type out that rant so I will once again repeat myself.

Write a foreword.

Unless you are some famous writer that will have people flocking to you for no reason other than you are a famous writer, you need to have a foreword. I am going to stress it once again, forewords are important. They are your last tool to capture the attention of your reader. In fact I often spend at least thirty minutes just writing my foreword.

It's fine to have an author's note in your foreword but make sure to write an actual foreword first, then put the A/N below. A foreword will do wonders in making people want to read your story, I promise. Written well, it can give readers a taste of what to expect and help increase their anticipation for what is about to come.

If there is one thing you take away from this I want it to be this: forewords are important, you should dedicate time to writing one (of course you should also fix the didi-ers).

This is surprisingly unique! I was not expecting this at all when looking at your request form. Truth: I expected some cute fluff, man was I shocked. I rarely come across a fic about an obsessive fan who actually kidnaps the idol and has a complex with the idol being their Didi. Mix that with bromance that is so often instead and I think you have a pretty original fic. Props to you, I rarely say a fic is original so really, go eat something sweet as celebration. Nothing much more to say on this.

At first I was really unsure about your fic because of the grammar issues but you won me over. Wow. Wow. Okay, I'm still recovering because I just finished reading it; I don't know whether to feel happy about the end or sad or content. I'm sort of in a mixed array of feelings right now. (Just so that this makes more sense I wrote this section after I finished the Readability section and I didn't wrote the Readability section before I finished the story.)At one part I'm touched by the affection between Tao and his Geges in the other I'm happy at the happy end. (More about this in the Plot section.) But let's talk about the characters.

To me there are four main focal characters, Tao, Kris, Luhan, and of course Lee Wei. I'll discuss each of them separately because all of them are at different stages of characterization.

Let's start with Tao, he's the star of the show after all, that being said, since he is the main focal point he should also have the best characterization but that is not the case. Throughout the fic the only traits I could pin clearly to Tao was insecurity, fear, and love for his Geges. I wished we could have known more about his thoughts during his capture, this would have been a great moment to dedicate as many as multiple paragraphs just to his thoughts, his fears, and his doubt. I would have loved to read an about an internal debate on whether his Geges really loved him or not or whether he was disgusted by the food Lee Wei brought him. I feel like there was more room for Tao to develop. In fact I feel like he should have been more changed by the experience with Lee Wei, it was traumatic there should have been at least some side effect. While it is true that the love of EXO will eventually bring Tao back, it would be more realistic for him to be slightly changed due to the event.

Onto Kris. He is personally one of my favorites in this fic. I like the way you characterize him. He loves Tao and wants to protect him, he is the strong leader yet insecure about his role and blames himself for everything that happens. It literally breaks my heart when he says:

"Im failed, hyung.. Im failed as a leader.." Kris lower his head. His tears pours down slowly. (Just a note it should be I’ve failed not I’m.)

Sometimes I think that the fandom forgets that Kris is not the oldest and that all they see of him is his famous face; I love how your fanfiction explores the fact that his heart may not be so strong. Kris is a hard character to write because he is filled with so many stereotypes, you don't manage to break free of all of them but you at least manage to make him caring and not a (excuse my language) utter bastard. Thank you for that. Because of this revelation of his inner softness and vulnerability I can classify him as a character that develops (yes there could have been more but I think you've done well with him).

On Luhan. I think he is the sweet Ge who understands what Tao needs. He is always there when Tao needs comforting and when Tao is under trauma Luhan talks to him even though Tao never responds. The singing that Luhan initiates is really touching as well. I love how his voice becomes hoarse, I think that just adds sadness to the already sad feel. Good job there. (Of course, I wish there was more exploration on Luhan's emotions and how he feels about the whole Lee Wei thing, I want to hear more about his anguish.)

Lastly, the second most important character, Lee Wei. I have very mixed feelings about him, firstly and mostly I think he's a creep. A major creep who needs to be kept at a mental hospital until he dies. Okay that's a bit harsh because the other side of me feels sorry for him. This internal conflict within the reader is something you as a writer should aim to create because it makes your story more heart wrenching and conflicted. The reason I feel sorry for Lee Wei is because he never meant to hurt Tao, he loves Tao in his own way every if it is messed up and stalkerish. Something you could have done better with this character is to explore what made him so obsessed with Tao in the first place. There is a reason for every thought, every action; being about to write these reasons is what distinguishes a good writer from an amazing writer when it comes to characterization. Fighting! I know you can get it.

Overall I gave you a seven because while there wasn't much development your characters are all well written and relatable; all of them are able to invoke the reader's feels.

English isn't your first language and I understand how difficult it is to grasp grammar (heck, it's even hard for me and I'm a native speaker) especially since it isn't a language you were born speaking. However, grammar is really important in making your story enjoyable especially when you have a brilliant story that just shines in everything but this one aspect. The thing is, many people will completely just pass up your story because it is lacking in grammar and thus difficult to read. In fact, many times I couldn't concentrate on your story simply because I was too busy correcting the errors and rephrasing the sentences so that they would sound right to me.

I'm highly Tao biased (I assume you know since you've subscribed to my stories) and I desperately want to help you improve on the grammar of this story since it has great potential but is barred simply due to the lack of good grammar. As such (because it was also a pretty short chapter) I edited your errors for you and also included some explanations on some of the things I changed for the first chapter of your story. Please do use it as a guide for correcting your mistakes as I spent a lot of time proofreading this chapter. Please also note that I did not explain all of my changes as there were too many and I am not good at explaining.

Chapter One Edited

Now as a note, even though I can help you proofread this chapter, I cannot proofread every chapter. I understand that grammar is a difficult concept but it is one worth learning and spending time figuring out if you truly want to become a great English writer, if English writing isn't your main concern then so be it. However, if it should be, then I encourage you to go Google some grammar guides and read through them carefully until you understand. There is no way my editing can actually teach you grammar so please for the sake of improving your writing, dedicate some time each day to learning grammar. I'm sure you'll have it done in time!

If you find that you want to write without worrying about grammar I would suggest finding a beta reader; I don't having any good suggestions but I'm sure it would be a good idea to just get someone to help you work on your grammar, making your story more enjoyable and understandable.

And this is where I cry tears because I love this plotline, I love your characters, I love it all I just wish your grammar would be able to reflect the brilliance of your everything else. I can imagine that I might actually cry if you worked on your descriptions and grammar.

Your plot is very well thought out, everything ties together and there are no noticeable plot holes that I can spot. There are just enough twists to keep the average reader interested and nothing is confusing. I was dying to know what would happen next since this fic really did focus on plot more than anything else. I believe you did quite a well job keeping me interested.

Something to work on would perhaps be fleshing it out more. Talk even more about the stalkish things, the scary things, talk more about Tao's experience with Lee Wei, about his trauma. Heck, I could use some backstory too. Of course, if you were going for a shorter story then it is fine not to have this extra stuff but if you meant to write a slightly longer story all of these attributes would help to make your plotline even more interesting and captivating. Because of this I did take off two points since I felt that while there was enough the plotline was too direct and straightforeword thus it did not satisfy me. It was good but not perfect.

Another reason for the point deduction is the fact that to me it wasn't all that realistic that just singing a song was able to bring Tao out of his traumatic mood. It didn't seem enough. I get that you were trying to go for touching but it struck me as completely unrealistic.

Your pace is very well done. Everything moved in a constant pace towards the ultimate conclusion that you had planned. But, when I say the flow was good I mean the flow of events, how one thing led to another. However, I wish that you would have slowed down on some parts just to describe it more before moving on. I would have died to get some imagery or descriptions of emotions. If you're seeking to make a reader cry you need to have descriptions and lots of them. Did fear filled Tao's eyes? Did Kris' heart clench with immeasurable pain? Did Luhan's voice crack as he sung the last note of Angel, because he was afraid that even this song would not heal Tao's heart? Did Lee Wei smile in happiness as he handed Tao the ramen (sorry, too lazy to spell the other way) because Tao was his only desire?

Do you get what I mean about taking more time to describe things?

Another thing, sometimes there were too many people to focus on and the story became cluttered. This happens a lot in EXO fics simply because there are twelve of them. I liked how you focused on M but when M and K were together there were some parts where I couldn't help but feel like they were confusing simply because there were too many people.

Overall good job! (Also note that flow improves with improvement in grammar.)

I'll tell you why I took off four points first: grammar and lack of descriptions. Once again I understand that English is not your second language. But I love the style that is clearly begging to come out from inside you should you be able to correct your grammar and improve your English handling. Please take time to work on your mechanics because you have so much potential that it hurts me knowing that you aren't a Native English speaker.

I enjoyed this story a lot because it was a refreshing plot that I had not read before. I also really enjoyed the bromance, it was really a change from the usual really angst and romantic I'm used to. Change is always nice. Furthermore I was dying to know what would happen at all those cliffhangers you like to use. (Cliffhangers are the best.)

Fighting and the best to you!

You know what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it again. Grammar. Grammar will be your worst enemy on your path of writing English fanfics. Please fight against it.

Wonderful read (especially since I love EXO and Tao), keep up the good work. I see great things for you in the future as you continue to improve your English mastery.

Lastly, just as a side note, there's no reason to include the pinyin / Romanization of the lyrics of Angel, it would have looked nicer just with the English translation. But of course that is just my opinion. You may also want to tell readers to play the song while they are reading so that you can create a greater impact.

Don't let your score discourage you. Most of it was lost on readability, work on grammar and English and you'll be golden. Don't stop writing! (Sorry for any typos, this was not proofread.)

Don't forget to credit back to our shop, link required! Please comment what you thought of my review, if you found it helpful or if it was just meh. I take a long time making my reviews detailed so I appreciate your feedback. Thank you and hopefully I was able to help you ^^