Jaejoong laid wide-awake, even after Yunho had made love to him over and over again. He couldn't bring himself to fall asleep. Besides the damage that he had caused to his body, he knew that he had to explain his past. The past that haunted him. He had thought that he couldn't let people know about his past. He didn't want their pity or their disgusted eyes.

However, he knew that Yunho had to know. He had opened up his entire life and risked so much for him...he deserved to know. He deserved to know why he was so scared on returning to that house. He rolled toward Yunho, wincing at the pain but forgetting it as soon as he saw Yunho's face. He smiled weakly, reaching out to trace a finger over his lips.

"Jaejoong...not sleeping?"

Yunho's groggy voice surprised him. He removed his hand, but Yunho was quick. Their bodies were pushed up against each other once again, Yunho gently the back of his neck.

"Why aren't you sleeping? Too much pain?" Yunho whispered gently. Jaejoong shook his head before sitting up without another thought. He couldn't let this wait any longer. He took a deep breath when Yunho sat up as well.

"Yunho...Yunnie..."

He dared to use the nickname, but quickly bowed his head. He searched for his hand before squeezing it tightly.

"I...I need to tell you...about why I don't want to go back there. To that place...I can never go back there."

Yunho must have been able to detect his unsteady voice. He wrapped his arms gently around him, waiting patiently for whatever else Jaejoong was going to say.

"It started when I was young...the verbal abuse from my father. He said that I was unfit...that I was a dirty child. My mother was selfish...and didn't really care about anything except getting what she wanted. This went on for a couple years, until I was in middle school. I was bullied a lot in middle school..." The tears ran silently down as he remember. He remembered the way he would limp home day after day because of the brutal attacks. He went home...to find no sympathy.

He went to a place where no one waited for him, but rather they asked him to do all the chores. This also happened for a few years, until they seemed to forget about his existence. He worked at an orphanage...working with young kids who somehow he felt like he had a connection with.

"I loved working there. The kids..." Jaejoong shook his head, this was the only few happy memories he had.

"Then...it seemed like everything changed. I had to become the successor, yet nothing was really about me. They did what they thought they had to. They wanted it to seem as though I was being groomed nicely...being treated nicely. In reality, it was hell. No one...not one person ever listened to me. No one asked what I wanted. I was alone."

He couldn't stop crying even though he was now pushed into Yunho's embrace. He could feel the gentle hand run through his hair.

"He started beating me. When I did something wrong. He would beat me. He would curse at me and yell at me. Those eyes...he would just glare at me. One day...when no one else was home. He...he nearly drowned me. He said that I wasn't paying attention so he dragged me into a bathroom and closed it. Filled the bathtub and threw me in it. He would hold me down in the water for a minute. And then two...and then I thought he wasn't going to stop. The maid...the maid walked in though..."

He shut his eyes tightly, his body shivering at the thought.

"He would lock me in my room too. Refuse to let me leave. And then...then he tried to tell me to get married to someone I didn't even know. I knew...I knew than that I had to leave. That I couldn't live in a life like that. I couldn't follow that person's footsteps."

Yunho released him slightly, so that they could see each other clearly.

"I'm sorry, Joongie. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I'm sorry that I nearly lost you today." Yunho shook his head, the feelings of anger and surprise obvious through his eyes.

"Thank you for telling me...Joongie. Thank you. I know...I know it hurt you a lot, but thank you."

Yunho immediately kissed him before lying back down, both of them holding onto the other tightly.

"I love you Joongie."