So, today is May 10, 2011 in the Philippines, and offically my birthday! =]

Wheeee! <3 Now, I can say that I'm now 16 years old. =]

As a birthday bash, I will update a chapter of the story, and post the birthday-shot I made for myself. =]

By the way, the comment replies starting chapter 38-40 are here. Comments to the teaser are also here. =] : http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/17267

Also, the birthday-shot I made is here: http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/17369

WARNING: Despite the happy occassion, this chapter is kinda sad.

So, with that settled, here we go! =]

= = =

March 9, 2011
ShiRin's apartment/dorm
8:00 A.M.

-=- At her side, always at her side, I want to make my place next to her. Not as a friend, but as a man. I'll hold her in my arms and tell her. I'll protect her from sadness. -=-

I took my phone from the end table beside the faucet as I spit the water that I've been gargling, now finished with brushing my teeth. Oh, it's still in the middle of 'One For Me' and it's the second chorus to be exact. I sighed as I remembered what I felt the first time I heard this song. It was still in Tokyo Cultural High that I first heard it, through JaeLi Sunbae.

I was smitten with the song from the first note. The lyrics it contained made me love it even more. I don't really have a clue on why I fell for the song. Maybe it was because of a totally realistic story told by the song, but the feel is more on the fictional-dramatic. I don't know, but this song is certainly one of my favorites. It made me laugh actually when I looked into the song and found out that the first adlib and first line was sung by JongHyun Oppa, and the last lines of rapping were done by Key-ah.

And to think that those were some of my favorite parts in the song...

But, speaking of those two... I'm pretty worried for the both of them.

Firstly, let me expound on the older of the two. JongHyun Oppa had me really worried because despite his loud and cheerful side he shows to the people, inside, he's been having a continuous fight with himself. I haven't had close encounters with him just yet, especially since SHINee left immediately after the showcase last night. But everytime I looked at him last night, he seemed to have the question "Wae?" written all over his face, his features and his moves. And to add, he had been awkward with Key-ah now.

Key-ah on the other hand, had been showing really good acting skills, seriously. Why? It's because he had been two-faced, shockingly well in his portrayal too. During the showcase, he had acted all cheery with the group, but behind watchful eyes, he had been totally ignoring SHINee, not even the young TaeMin-ah was exempted from this. Also, I had attempted to say sorry to him after I slapped him in the dressing room, since I did it out of self-protection and preservation, but he just laughed and brushed it off like it never happened.

After the incident last night, Key-ah still spoke normally to me during the rest of the program, and he never showed his bipolar side ever that time. But just like JongHyun Oppa, and perhaps all the other SHINee members, a silent "Wae?" was in my face.

Wae, Key-ah? Why the heck are you like this?

GAH! Molla! I'm not gonna try understanding you, Key-ah. I'm not gonna try!

I got my brush and ran it down my hair a few times, only stopping when I heard knocks on the door.

Changkaman. Why would someone knock when my apartment room has a doorbell?

I placed the brush back to where I got it and went to get the door.

And I wasn't expecting what I saw.

Or rather... who.

= = =
PLAY "MISTAKE" - SNSD HERE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYL6pjuusIM

"Yah, ShiRin-ah! The University let me off the hook starting today!" A very jolly and hyper Key-ah stood at my door, and with a smile on his face, he pulled me tightly into his arms.

"It was because of the fact that SHINee's gonna debut in Japan after a few months. But I'm not complaining! Because of that, we can hang out again! Isn't that fun?" He said, while we were in the embrace. I just nodded slowly before pulling back.

After seeing him be bipolar, I felt awkward, and as much as I didn't want to admit... scared.

"Wae, ShiRin-ah? Is something wrong?" Key-ah suddenly asked me as I hesitantly let him come into my apartment. I just looked at him with undecipherable eyes and shook my head. Silence enveloped me afterwards.

"I know there is." He said, breaking the hold of quietness and rushed to me.

"This is why I went here today. You NEED to go out for a bit. Prepare yourself, Song ShiRin. You have a long day ahead of you. We're going out malling this morning, I'll accompany you in your rehearsals in the afternoon, and I'm taking you out for dinner tonight." Key-ah said in a diva-like tone, which sounded so much like him.

But it had no effect on me. It really had nothing.

It was because something was wrong.

And I inted to find out what.

= = =
March 9, 2011
7:20 P.M.

"... so right now, I'm gonna go along with SME's wants and just dye my hair blonde like how it was during my Juliette days." Key-ah said as he told me about the style changes that SME wanted them to do for their Japanese debut, walking with me down a portion of the Han River in the city, in disguises of course. I just let out a soft "Hmmmm." and a nod to show Key-ah that I'm listening.

We had just finished dinner, which was at a posh restaurant in the heart of Seoul. We ate western style, and it amazed me that Key-ah knew the tricks to eating with a knife and fork, which isn't like him or any Korean. But then again, his whiff of the west as he went to different countries in Europe and America might've been useful in this situation, so I guess I couldn't say anything bad about it.

I didn't know that Key-ah said something else because I suddenly heard him say "Yah, ShiRin-ah, did you hear me?" and I stopped walking. I shook my head slightly before walking again.

Silence began to take over me and Key-ah, and for the first time, I found the silence comforting. Perhaps it was because of this awkward feeling I now have around Key-ah.

But the silence didn't last long as the SHINee member took a deep breath, stopped walking, and faced me.

"ShiRin-ah, I noticed that you've been quiet. This isn't like you." He said, and I looked away from he who was standing in front of me.

"I was already like this ever since my debut." I said as an excuse before stepping to my side, wanting some distance between me and Key-ah.

But he made a move to come closer to me as well before saying "Keuraeyo? Now, I feel really bad that I haven't seen your debut. I might've stopped you from becoming like this." to me. I just scoffed softly before attempting to move away again.

"It's not your fault, Key-ah." I said, but my Key-ah gripped my wrist, restraining my plans of escape.

"It is. I decided to go to DaeGu early and just come back whenever they needed me. I could've done the opposite, to stay here and just go to DaeGu whenever necessary." He said, but I shook my head.

"Back then, you did what you think was right. I don't blame you. " I said, but now, Key-ah shook his head.

"You don't but I do. If it wasn't for my stupidity... I would've gotten to your heart first." He suddenly said, and my gaze which was at the Han River suddenly whiped to him.

"I would've been there for you when JongHyun hyung was pestering you about you having a scandal with him. I could've been beside you when you needed me. One of your partners in your SPARKS episode would've been me instead of JongHyun hyung, too, if I didn't take the studying-at-DaeGu thing." He said, and a soft "Mworago?" escaped from my lips.

"It's true. Everything was already set for the appearance of five SHINee members  before I left, and the moment I flew to DaeGu, all the staff rearranged everything, ommitting my character." He said, and I shook my head repeatedly.

How can that be?!

"Seolma. No way. There's no chance of that happening---" I began to say, but was cut off by Key-ah.

"It already DID happen. I knew about everything while I was in DaeGu, and through LeeMyeong Sajang-nim who visited me about a day before your photoshoot. He gave me a copy of the original SPARKS script, and the new script. Instead of JongHyun hyung being a troublemaker, it had been a bratty kingka who bullied everyone. And that was supposed to be MY role, with Jjong hyung as my bestfriend, and MinHo-yah as my butler, sort of."

I furrowed my eyes as I took the information in. Key-ah continued to speak in my silence.

"When the original plan for a SPARKS episode was given to us, it was still around Christmas time. But since we had to say no because we have a concert, it was moved to around February. The script was already set, and all it needed was a leading lady and our approval. After you debuted, they picked you to be the leading lady, and we gave our approval.... well, the four of them did. While I was in DaeGu, the SPARKS staff didn't tell me anything. Expecting and assuming that I would say no to my appearance, they edited everything in a hurry." He finished and looked at me with sad eyes.

"It hurt me so much to the point that I never talked to anyone during that time. I held a silent anger for the four of them, because they never even thought of telling this to me. Even Onew Hyung or TaeMin-ah. Which is why, I swore I'd come back quicker. I tried my best to do weeks' worth of work in days so that the university can let me off the hook. I was totally crestfallen, because if it had been me, I would've been closer to you than them, and... you might've fallen for me." He said, whispering at the last part.

He might have whispered, but that doesn't mean I didn't hear it.

"Key-ah, I couldn't fall for anyone during everything. I had a name to make known and reputation to solidify. Even during the time of my scandal with JongHyun Oppa, I had been against everything, because I closed my heart off to love due to my career and---" I said, but a few words from Key-ah made me stop.

"---and Kee-sshi?" He asked, and my eyes widened.

"How did you know about him?" I asked, shocked that he knows.

Only JongHyun Oppa knows about him...

"LeeMyeong Sajang-nim told me. He had always gone to me for advice about stuff, since we're actually pretty close, and he's more like my hyung than any of the executives. " He told me, and I nodded, understanding him.

"Which would probably explain why he likes you the most out of the group, even if he doesn't show it much." I said, and we both chuckled.

But the chuckling was replaced with a serious aura for Key-ah spoke again.

"I had been so into my studies that I already withdrew from the world. And that I regret. Because then, I would've made you like me more. I wouldv'e gotten into your heart before any of the other members did." He told me as he looked at the ground, his voice full of regret. I looked into his eyes, wishing that somehow, I could drain him of regrets and remorse.

He held me by my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes. He took a deep breath before begining to speak again.

"When I told you that I was your friend before, it was just because I hid the fact that I wanted you to be my girlfriend. I had been head over heels for you ever since you stepped in the SHINee practice room during our break. I was thinking of you every time I was in DaeGu, and everyday I kept wishing that I could go back to Seoul so I could see you. Even if JongHyun hyung told us about his feelings for you, I never found it in myself to let him make a move on you." He began to say, and I took a deep breath, knowing what was coming next.

"Because ShiRin-ah, I---" He began to say but I cut him off by raising my hand slightly.

"Stop, Key-ah. I already know what you were gonna say, and even before you say it, I'll tell you my answer. Sorry, but I can't fall in love... end of discussion." I said, brushing his hands off my shoulders. But Key-ah was persistent as he placed them back there again.

"I'm not asking you to return my feelings. All I ask is for you to realize them and think about it. Think that it's not only JongHyun Hyung who's in love with you here. I know back then that there was a connection between us, and I want to bring that back." He told me, but I shook my head, though knowing that somewhere inside my heart, he was right.

"But I'm a pretty stubborn person, and I say now that I want you to stop all this. JongHyun Oppa had already stressed me more than enough with his moves towards me. What more would I be stressed if you come in the picture?" I asked, faking irritation to hide the fear building up in my chest.

"I'm willing to act normally in front of you if that's what you want. I'm fine with acting as your sunbae, or co-celebrity in front of the camera, but please, ShiRin-ah... at least know in yourself that what I want is being more than just friends." He said, and the fear in my heart began to grow.

No, Key-ah. Don't make me battle with myself. Don't place another fear in my heart. Don't make me feel the connection I tried to bury deep in my memory.

In response, feigning annoyance, I scoffed before turning my back on him and walking away. I heard a soft "Aish" from behind me, but I disregarded it.

I shouldn't have.

Because then, Key-ah held on to my wrist, yanked me back and pressed my lips to his.

I tried my best to push away, and struggled externally and internally. But finally, I broke free from Key-ah's hold, and for the second time, I slapped him.

Then and there, another fear began to grip me. What if he was like JongHyun Oppa? Firm to make me see the truth, up to the point of using force?

I expected something harsh from the SHINee member, but I never got it. Instead of being even more angry, he just caressed my face and cried. He then took my hand and placed it across his cheek, closing his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened his eyes again, he let go of my hand and walked away from me.

I knew that he was stil crying because every move he made, he forced it to completion. With every step, his body continued to tremble, and at last he broke into a run. As I looked at his retreating figure, I touched my lips gently.

Not long after, I felt tears roll down my cheeks.

Key-ah, tell me. Why am I feeling this tremendously intense want to run after you, to make you face me, and to kiss you again?