Hey! I update again! Whee! x]

Okay, my exams are now officially through, and tomorrow will be my field trip along with ALL the other students of Caloocan City Science High School. So yeah. x]]

Anyway, the title says "The Proof". So, can you tell me what this chapter is about?

To those who would wanna guess, please comment and I'll tell you if you're right.

Okay anyway, here's the update with the soundtrack of SHINee's Unplugged Remix of "In My Room".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIXqDWZaW6M

= = =
January 15, 2011

"Has Park LeeMyeong timed in today?"

I asked the lady at the front desk as I finally got to where I was supposed to go, the SM Entertainment building.

"Yes, he has. He's in a meeting with the directors though. I think he doesn't want to be disturbed." She said, but I knew better. He really is in a meeting with the directors now, but I'm pretty sure...

...the reason why they're meeting now is because of me.

"Oh well, I see. I'll be going to his office then, if he asks, or if you want to let him know, tell him that Song ShiRin asked for him and went straight to his office. Thanks." I hurriedly said, before running at top speed to the conference room of the directors.

The place I ran from just yesterday.

The echoes of my footsteps were the only things I heard as I ran to where I knew something would be decided, where I knew judgement would be brought to me. My mind was spinning with the fear of what was going to happen, and what was bound to come true.

Was I going to NOT debut?

Was I going to stop?

Will the wish of my mom NOT come to reality?

The huffs that broke out from my frame because of exhaustion became gasps of hyperventilation as I finally found myself standing in front of the door of the conference room. My will has now been broken, shattered, pulverized.

I have no strength left in myself, and all I can do is yield to whatever harsh future there is for me.

With the last of my control, my mask, and my will, I raised my knuckle in the air.

And I knocked.

I heard a voice telling me to come in, and I complied.

But as I went inside, I saw the face I never wanted to see. The one I've been avoiding for two days.

"JongHyun Sunbae..."

= = =

"Stay, ShiRin-sshi. Please."

I heard the voice of SooMan Sajang-nim cut my actions. My feet, which had rushed to the door upon the sight of him, skidded to a stop. My composure, now lost, and my heart beating three times quicker than normal, I tried to stand on my ground.

"Please, ShiRin-sshi. Sit down for a moment, and I just have a few things to discuss with you. I already talked to JongHyun-sshi yesterday. But because of his request, I let him be a witness to OUR discussion." He continued saying, and I nodded, completely scrambling to regain myself.

"Neh, Sajang-nim." I weakly replied, going to a chair and sitting. I faced Sajang-nim directly while JongHyun Oppa was sitting beside me.

Wait. Why was I still calling him 'Oppa'? Shouldn't it be 'Sunbae' already?

"One of the reasons why we couldn't just let our reins loose in terms of our artists, is because once these people have even just a whiff of freedom, they become obsessed with it. Just like in the case of SHINee, they had been under heat and cold, as well as pressure, true. But of course, being loose on them would give them licence to act rashly. This is what happened to Kim JongHyun right here." The CEO began speaking, and the atmosphere was silent. Really really silent.

"He had divulged news about his personal life and let rumours spread. We now are experiencing the effects of JongHyun-ah's foolishness, and we are now taking necessary precautions. We might appreciate the publicity, but knowing that this can harm the career of not only him, but you..." SooMan Sajang-nim halted for a bit, motioning to me.

"...who we think will have a bright future in your career, we decided to put it off. I will not tighten the leash of the idols JUST YET, but instead, I will let this one go. In fact, I won't give a thought to this, unless this issue would be given even more attention by the mass. I trust JongHyun-ah to be able to discipline himself, enough for ShiRin-sshi to debut properly. There is exactly one week left before she debuts." He said, turning now to JongHyun Oppa.

Wait. I called him 'Oppa' again?!

"However, if things get out of hand, ShiRin-sshi, would you accept being in a scandal with him? You have to have pictures together, and other memorabilia just for posterity. After a short amount of time, the issue blows off, and you break up." He asked me, and I nodded, taking in the plan.

I bit my lower lip, and let myself think deep.

If I say yes, I'm pretty sure that JongHyun Oppa will overreact again... thus making the situation worse.

If I say no, however, my career will pretty much be saved, since I will be taken care of by SME and SE.

Oh well. I must strengthen my resolve even more.

"Aniyo, Sajang-nim. I have no plans to be in a scandal so early in my career. I wish to be known not by the notoriety, but because of my skills. I am pretty sure that you can be able to cover up for me in this situation, right? Then, I say no." I answered, head held high, my confidence returning, and my resolve once more gaining strength.

I saw through the corner of my eye how JongHyun Oppa's expression radiated devastation and utter sadness. But I decided to not mind it anymore as I heard SooMan Sajang-nim's voice telling me that I already have the permission to leave.

"Thank you very much, Sajang-nim. I'll be heading off now." I said as a form of respect while my body slipped from the slight opening of the door. I closed it behind me.

My body was now prepared to step away and leave, but something inside me told me to stay, and I followed that something.

I lagged on behind the closed door, my eyes widening at the voice I heard from inside.

"Now, JongHyun-ah, you probably know her stand on the issue now."

But not 3 seconds had passed, JongHyun Oppa answered.

"I know it all too well, Sajang-nim. But... can't I be happy for once?" He asked, and my eyes widened at the words that followed.

"Sajang-nim, please. Please. Create a scandal. Involve her. Involve me. At least, give me a chance to show her how much she means to me, to prove it to her. Please."

"Why are you this serious with Selene-ah, JongHyun-ah?" I heard LeeMyeong Abeonim suddenly ask, and I gasped at JongHyun Oppa's answer.

"It's because... she deserves someone who'll never hurt her. She deserves someone who'll hold on to her, even if she gives up. I want to be that guy who'll be beside her always, because I understand her. I love her to the point that I'll try vying for her heart just so she could smile without bringing the pain of her past in herself." He said, and audible gasps were heard by my ears, as well as sobs, which I was sure was coming from JongHyun Oppa.

Inside, he couldn't control his tears.

Outside, I can't control mine.

I felt like I lost the strength in my knees and in the next second, I was kneeling, my hands preventing my mouth from releasing its muffled sobs.

Don't do this, Jonghyun Oppa.

I beg of you.

Don't.

= = =
January 21, 2011
11: 54 P.M.

Tomorrow.

I'll be debuting tomorrow.

Judgement shall be brought on me very soon.

But why am I not feeling the excitement?

Why is there no adrenaline?

Has that incident affected me that much?

Lots of things were looming around in my head as I lay down in my bed, rehearsal finished for the day, and final preparations done.

But out of all these thoughts, one really took the breath out of me.

How had JongHyun Oppa been taking the event 6 days ago?

I've been avoiding him ever since that day, and every time I pass by him, I feel the sadness in his eyes. The weariness in his actions, the tears he's been hiding, I feel it and know it all. He's been restraining himself not to reach out to me, I know. But...

...why does he really love me in the first place?

The sound of my phone cut me from my thoughts, and I looked at what it was.

A message from HeeSung-ah.

From: HeeSung-ah <3

Yow, cousin! I'll be needing my hoodie tomorrow!
I'll be heading to MBC early so that I can set things up.
I'll be getting it tomorrow, so just place it on the sofa.
Thanks, Selene-ah. I love you SOOOO much. <3

And oh yeah, even if it's too early to say this...
Congratulations on your debut! x]

My eyes widened as I remembered the events that happened earlier today, and I rushed to my closet to pull out a jacket, getting my house keys from the end table and running out of my apartment to go back to the SME building.

Why?

I left Heesung-ah's hoodie in my rehearsal room today after borrowing it from her.

= = =

"Whew."

This was the only word that escaped me as I finally reached the door of my rehearsal room, still closed, and my body huffing for air.

I had been running to get here, and as I held the doorknob, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I could be able to get HeeSung-ah's hoodie!

But when I opened the door, and my eyes found itself staring at a crying man staring at himself in my practice room's mirror, I think I lost all reason and strength.

"JongHyun Sunbae, what are you doing here?"

= = =

I closed the door behind me as I went inside, my eyes not leaving the man in tears. He had been crying lots of times this week, I'm sure.

"ShiRin-ah, I think I'm already going crazy."

This was the only thing he said as he looked at me. I continued approaching him, my nervousness gradually being replaced with worry as I looked at his weakened form.

"What's wrong with you, Sunbae?!" I exclaimed frantically as I finally got close to him. But he didn't speak, he just wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on my shoulder.

"I'm going crazy, ShiRin-ah. I don't know which I should choose. Loving you freely for the sake of my emotions and myself, or letting you go for the sake of your career and fame? I don't want to choose one, yet I don't want to jeopardize both either. I'm already going nuts, trying to decide. But I can't choose." He told me, his hold on me tightening as he spoke.

"I know that if I love you without restraints, I will wreck your career. I will destroy you. But if I let you go, I don't know if I'll ever be happy. I don't know if I can take it without having you in my arms, without hearing you talk to me, and without your presence in my life. I'm in too deep, ShiRin-ah, and now, I'm going crazy." He said, burying his face in the crook of my neck.

"JongHyun Sunbae, I know you're in a hard time right now. I understand you. We both are in an unwanted situation right now. But, I think it really is best for us to be just friends. I suggest you don't break the hearts of your blingers one more time. You've already been constantly pulling and pushing them. Give them a break for once." I told him, sighing at how tight he held me in his arms.

"Tomorrow, I'll be debuting already. So, please, just think of your fans first." I told him, and he pulled back from the one-sided embrace.

"But ShiRin-ah, can I ask one last thing from you before you debut? Can we just go to the park tonight? Let's just hang out, one last time." He asked, and begging was very evident, even in his eyes.

I'm weak when it comes to tears, and seeing how much he cried in front of me, I easily gave in.

"Alright. Come on, Sunbae. One last time." I told him, and with a smile, I held out my hand.

"Thank you, ShiRin-ah. Thank you so much for spending time with a crazy man such as myself." He said, and I just laughed as he took it.

"We all have our mad and crazy times, too, Sunbae. I completely understand you." I said, tugging him to go now. He wiped his tears and placed a smile on his lips as he withdrew his hand, and placed his arm around my shoulder.

"I feel like I'm protecting you more when I do this. I hope you don't mind." He said while we were both walking, and I just nodded.

"I'm fine with it." I told him before going out the doors of the SME building and walking down the pavement.

= = =

"Wow. It's just finished raining." I said as we now walked down the street, wet with water from the rain that had just passed.

"Well, I never noticed it before, but... the street looks cooler when it has just finished raining, don't you think?" JongHyun Sunbae asked me, and I nodded, momentarily separating myself from him as I played around, running a bit and acting childish.

After all, I would never be able to do this much anymore after I debut.

But, as I ran, I felt myself slip on the pavement, and I felt myself tilting.

The only thing that kept me on my feet was the hand that I immediately held to try and stabilize myself.

JongHyun Oppa's.

"Aigoo, you silly little lady. Why run around when it has just finished raining? Look at what happened to you..." He told me with a 'what-the-heck-did-you-do' and an 'i-told-you-so' look. I just laughed at my mistake and childishness, and not long after, JongHyun Oppa was laughing with me.

"I'll be holding your hand for now. Sheesh. We haven't even reached the park yet, but look at how danger-prone you're being?" He asked rhetorically and I just stuck my tongue at him before increasing my speed of walking, once more tugging him.

"Whatever."

= = =

I never knew that that night would be the start of my downfall.

Just that moment of childishness would merit me a negatively shining spotlight.

I never had a clue that that night would be the cause of the dent in the reputation I haven't earned yet.

And it all started when I slipped on the pavement.