Back 17.

Sung Gyu stared at Se Yi as she looks at the view at the window. He walks to her and sat in front of her. Se Yi looks at him but doesn’t budge. “Hey..”

She didn’t reply and continues on staring at the window and tears started to fall from her eyes. He was surprised because she doesn’t sob. He held her cheeks and wipes her tears away but it kept on flowing from her eyes. “Hey angel what’s wrong? Please tell me.”

 Again, she didn’t reply. Sung Gyu shakes his head and hugged her. “No, Se Yi. Please, talk… Don’t be like this…”

Weeks passed and they were both released from the hospital. Se Yi still hasn’t talked since then and nobody knows why. Sung Gyu told Se Yi’s psychologist, Shin Hye-ssi what happened and she requires for Se Yi to meet her again. She’s assuming that the accident may have caused Se Yi’s memories to come back. Memories when she witnessed her Eunjung died.

“Any changes?” Sung Gyu asked Jinhee. She shakes her head no and sighed. “I see…I’ve come to get her to Shin Hye-ssi for the session.”

“Alright, we’ll leave her up to you. She’s upstairs.”

“Alright.” Sung Gyu walks up to Se Yi’s room and saw her holding the book that her mother gave her. He gripped his fist in guilt and sighed. “Se Yi.”

Se Yi looks at him and smiled. “Ready?” she nods and placed the book down. They both headed downstairs and he greeted Se Mi and Yoojun. “We’ll be back in an hour.”

“Okay, take care of her Gyu.”

“I will.”

Yoojun approached Se Yi and pats her in her head. “Good luck princess.”

Se Yi nods and smiled. They both headed to the car and Sung Gyu drove to the hospital. When they have arrived, they took the elevator and headed to Shin Hye-ssi’s room. Se Yi stopped and held her hand that’s shaking. Sung Gyu noticed it and held her hand.

“Don’t worry angel, I’m here. Don’t be afraid okay? Let’s do it just like the old times.”

She smiled and nodded. Sung Gyu opened the door for her and they both greeted Shin Hye-ssi. “Hello you two,” Shin Hye said welcoming them. “Take a seat.”

“Thank you.” Sung Gyu replied.

“Are you going to stay with us until the session end?”

He looked at Se Yi asking what she wants and she nodded. “I guess I’m staying then.”

“So let’s start. Se Yi, can you draw anything that you want to draw in this piece of paper?”

Se Yi nodded and took the paper. It took her a while then gave it back to Shin Hye. After getting the paper back from Se Yi, she looks surprised and looks at Sung Gyu. “Se Yi, I may need to talk to Sung Gyu for a while. Will that be alright for you?”

Se Yi nodded and stood up. “Wait for me at the café downstairs okay?” Sung Gyu said and she nodded.

“So what’s up?”

“Look at this.” Shin Hye said giving the paper to him and stood up and brought another paper from her drawer. “Look at this too.”

Sung Gyu’s eyebrows furrowed and looked back at Shin Hye. “It’s the same.”

“Yes, that drawing is Se Yi’s years ago when we’re both on a therapy. My assumption is right. The accident that you were both went through triggered her memories when she witnessed Eunjung die. I thought that she got over it but I’m guessing that I’m wrong. I think that accident gave her a big impact.”

“So, what do you suggest that we do?”

“I’m sure that she’ll only be the one to cure her out of it. We just need to be with her through it. She’ll get over it just like she did years ago.”

“I got it. Then I’ll see you for the next session Shin Hye-ssi.”

“Okay, please take care of our Se Yi.”

“I will.” He said then stood up. “I will be going then.”

Sung Gyu took the elevator downstairs and headed to the café at the lobby. He scanned for Se Yi’s presence but he didn’t find her so he checked the place and found her outside looking at the sky. Catching his breath, he sat next to her. Se Yi noticed his presence and looks at him. “It’s nice isn’t it?”

Se Yi smiled and nodded. He held her hand and pulled her close. “Let’s work hard okay? I know that you’ll get over it.”

‘Can you take me to where Eunjung eomma is?’ Se Yi signed. Sung Gyu smiled and nodded.

“Of course.” Sung Gyu drove on their way to the cemetery even though he’s tensing up. Se Yi noticed it and held his hand.

 ‘It’s not your fault oppa. Don’t think about it.’ She signed. Sung Gyu nods and smiled but can’t hide the fact that he still thinks that he’s the reason why Se Yi’s been like this again. When they have arrive the place, Sung Gyu was tempted to go to where his parents are but he shake the feeling off walked at Se Yi’s side.

He stared at Se Yi as she looks at Eunjung’s grave as she smiles. He held her hand and she smiled. ‘I’m okay now. You can take me home.’

“Okay.”

Sung Gyu stopped on their way out of Eunjung’s grave and looked at the opposite side. He wanted to see his parent’s grave but another side of him doesn’t. It pains him to be able to see them again. Se Yi looked at him in confusion and he smiled. “I’m alright. My parents are here too so yeah.”

He said then walks ahead of her but she held her back. “What’s wrong?”

‘Let’s see them.’ She signed.

“I don’t think that’s a great idea.” Se Yi stared at him begging him to take her to where his parents are. He sighed and chuckled in defeat. “Alright, let’s go.”

Sung Gyu lead the way to his parents. Se Yi saw the site of their names and walked ahead of him. She stares at the picture and smiled. “That’s them. Now that I think of it, it’s the first time that you’ve seen them here huh?”

Se Yi.

I stared at Sung Gyu oppa as he looks at his parents’ grave. I can tell that it pains him to see him here because I exactly know how it feels. I know how it feels to lose somebody who’s precious to you. He looks at me and smiled.

“I know what’s inside your head right now Se Yi. I’m alright, I’m over it already.”

I know that he’s lying. No one can hide that whenever they see their loved one’s grave, it brings back the pain that they are feeling in the past. But I admit that you can feel at ease when you see them.

“I’m okay now so let’s go back eo?”

I nod and let him do so. I know exactly how painful it is to force yourself not to think of a painful past.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Sung Gyu.

“Hyung, how’s Se Yi?” Myungsoo asked.

“Just as usual.” I replied shortly and threw my jacket at the table. “It’s my fault. I should’ve watched were I’m going. I caused her to be like that.”

I groaned and run my fingers through my hair in frustration. “It’s not your fault. It’s just an accident hyung.” Woohyun added.

I don’t think what they’re all saying now can comfort me. I can’t deny the fact that I’m the one who’s driving that night. It’s my fault, I should’ve been more careful.

“Hyung, you’ve got a message. See?” Woohyun gave me my phone and I took it. It’s Se Yi.

From: Se Yi
9/28/15 5:18 PM

Oppa, I’m at my room right now. Mom brought me porridge and I’m eating it. I thought that I should tell you… Don’t worry about me. I know I haven’t told anyone yet but… Shin Hye-ssi is right. The moment that we bumped into that truck, I remembered the accident when Mom died right in front of me. But please don’t think that it’s your fault because it’s not. I just think this happened for a reason.. I’ll be over it just like I did in the past… I love you! ^^

“See? Not your fault.”

“Yah, who told you to look at other people’s text?” Woohyun grinned.

“But she already said it. It’s not your fault hyung! Shrug the feeling off! She needs you to be by her side okay? That’s all that you need to do.”

I sigh and leaned at the couch. “So, what are your plans for tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Uh yeah? Not looking at the calendar hyung?”

Myungsoo tossed me the calendar and I looked at it. “I guess it’s that time of the year huh?”

It’s Dad and Mom’s death anniversary tomorrow, the day that I hate the most. I admit that I’m still not over their death even though it’s been years since it happened but it pains me to think that they just left us. The day when I opened my eyes, they’re gone. I hate this day the most.

“Do you plan on visiting them hyung?” Myungsoo asks.

“Yeah.” I replied shortly. “I’m tired, I want to rest.”

“Okay.”

They replied and left the room. I turned the lights off and lie on my bed as I felt tears flow from my eyes.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

“Hey Mom, hey Dad. We’re here, Hyung’s with us too. Are you doing fine? Because we are… We… We missed you so much.” Myungsoo muttered and started crying.

“Hey, no crying remember?” he said and hugged his younger brother.

“I know. But it’s so hard..” Myungsoo replied.

“Aigoo, our poor Myungie.” Their grandmother hugged him.

“We’re done paying our respects, Myungsoo please take grandma home.” Sung Gyu said.

“Aren’t you going with us?”

“I want to stay a little bit more.”

Myungsoo smiled and nodded. “Let’s go granny.”

Myungsoo and his grandma headed home and sat at the living room. His grandmother smiled looking at their family picture and held Myungsoo’s hand then started to cry.

“It must’ve been still painful for Gyu whenever this day comes.”

“I know granny. He’s been the one who’s suffering the most. He didn’t cry at their funeral. He’s  been holding it in.”

His grandmother nodded. The doorbell rang and Myungsoo stood up. “Oh, Jinhee noona, Se Yi! What brings you here?”

“Hey uh, It’s that day again right? Se Yi told me. We brought some food that you both like.” Jinhee said and Se Yi nodded.

“Oh thanks! Come in!”

“Granny!” Jinhee ran towards Myungsoo and Sung Gyu’s grandmother and gave her a hug.

“Oh! Jinhee dear! What brings you here?”

“We brought some food. It’s that time of the year right?”

Their grandmother smiled. “Thank you.” She held Se Yi and Jinhee’s hand and the two girls smiled.

“Where’ sunbae?” Jinhee asks.

“Oh, hyung.. He’s still there.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah.”

Jinhee looks at Se Yi and smiled.

Se Yi.

I ran outside and headed to the cemetery. When I got there, I retraced the steps that Oppa and I went the moment we went to their parents’ grave yesterday. He’s there, leaning at the tree with his eyes closed. I walked over and looked at him. His face looks painful as it is. I held his cheek and he flinched in surprise. He cried. He’s more painful than I am. I haven’t seen him cry because of his parents’ all of the time that I am with him.

“Se Yi?” I smiled. “What are you doing here?”

He looks around and back at me. “Are you alone?” I nod.

“Why did you go alone? You might-“ I cut him off with a hug and he gasp in surprise.

I can feel how painful he is right now. He’s crying and he hugged me back. “I…I’m sorry. I just can’t hold it back.”

I nod and pat him in his back. He is sobbing hardly now. He’s been holding these tears for years and it only came out right now. I can’t imagine how he endured it all along. It pains me just to think of it. After a while, he pulls back and smiled at me.

“Thank you. I’m okay now.” I looked at him in worry and wiped his tears. “Really, I’m okay. I’ve let it all out.”

‘Oppa.. Are you sure?’

“I am.” He nods and held my hand. “Mom, Dad. This is Se Yi, the one that I’m telling you about? She’s my everything now. You’re watching right? I love this girl so much.”

I smiled and he held my cheeks. “I love her so much.” He said and leans over to kiss me. He held me by my waist and I wrap my arms around him. I started to cry and I even don’t know why I am crying right now. Am I crying because I feel bad for him even though we’re at the same boat? He pulls back and looks at me.

“Why are you crying?” I shake my head and wiped my tears off. He chuckles and pinches my cheeks playfully. “Silly girl.”

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

We went back at Sung Gyu oppa’s house and I stayed at his room waiting for him to sleep. “You should go back now.”

I shake my head no. ‘I’ll stay until you fall asleep. You always do that for me whenever I’m feeling bad. Now I’m going to do it for you.’

He smiled. “Okay then.”

He closes his eyes and held my hand. “Stay until I fall asleep.”

I nod and watch him as he sleeps. I sat beside him and stared at him. After a while, I waved my hand in front of his eyes to check if he’s asleep and I think he is. Now it’s my turn to protect him.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I open my eyes and find myself lying at oppa’s bed. What the hell am I doing in here? Oh right. I forgot that it’s his parents’ death anniversary yesterday. I remove the blanket over me and scan the room. It’s the same as the last time I’ve been here. The bathroom door opens and a half--Kim-Sung-Gyu came out. My eyes widen and looked away. I was on the verge of shouting but since I can’t make myself talk again, I did not.

“Oh you’re awake?” he asks. How can he stay calm at this situation?

I nod and tried my best to remind myself how to breathe. I   slowly slide off his bed and put on the slippers on the floor. I hear him chuckle and I look at him, but then again, I looked away ‘cause he’s still changing.

“Are you shy because you have seen my half just now?”

I flush in embarrassment and shake my head then ran towards the door and saw him blocking him. He looks at me then laughs.

“You’re just too cute for me to handle!” I scoffed and stomp on his feet. “Ah!”

He cried in pain and I glared at him. I walked out and shut the door close. I scoff and shake my head in disbelief. How dare he play jokes with me?! He’s half for crying out loud!

I make my way downstairs and see the house empty. Where is everyone? I walk to the kitchen but didn’t see a trace of Myungsoo and Granny everywhere. Where the hell are they?

“They’re at the hospital. Grandma’s weekly check-up. It’s on Saturdays.”

Well that answers my question. I look back and saw him fully dressed, thank you for the kind consideration. He stares at me and I rolled my eyes at him. I’m still mad at him for playing jokes at me. Time to go home.

“Hey, hey.” He holds me back by grabbing my wrist and making me face him. “Are you mad?”

I shake my head no. “Okay, that’s a yes for me.”

I narrowed my eyes at him and he sighs. “Alright I’m sorry okay? I just find you amusing earlier.”

I scoffed. Amusing?  “God Se Yi, I’m really sorry okay? Please don’t get mad..”  

Now I find him amusing. I might pull this on a little bit longer. I didn’t budge and just stared at him. “What? Are you still mad at me? Say something- I mean use your hands to communicate. Here, please say something.” He grabs my hand and shows them to me. I chuckled and after a few seconds I laugh.

“What the hell. You’re playing with me aren’t you?”

‘It’s you who pulled it on first.’ I signed. He smiles and shakes his head.

“You really can play fair aren’t you?” I smile.

‘I have to go home now. I think they’re looking for me.’

“Wait. I have to talk to you about something.”

‘What is it?’

“Uh… About the offer.”

‘I told you I’m not going.’

“Are you sure?”

I nod. He smiles and tucks a lock of my hair on my ear. I look at him confused. Something’s up, I can definitely tell. “Then, would you like to travel with me for the time being?”

I blink. What did he just say? Travel? “Hey, say something. Don’t just look at me like that.”

‘Travel? Are you sure?’

“Yeah, for a month.”

‘To where?’

“Paris.”

God. Oh my God. Paris. Did I hear it right? Did he just say Paris? Travel? Oh my goodness I just can’t process it just now. “Se Yi?”

‘D..Did you just say Paris? Do you know how much the fare is just to get there?’

He smiles. “I know.”

‘Then what the hell are you just saying now oppa? How can we afford to get there? I don’t even have enough money..’

“I have.”

I look at him confused. Why does he want to go to Paris all of a sudden? ‘Why do you want to go there all of a sudden? And it’s your money. You told me that you’re saving that for a car.’

“Because you want to go there. It might help you talk again.”

‘No. I’m not using your money for me. It’s yours oppa. You should use it for yourself.’

“I am using it for myself. I am thinking that getting you somewhere else will make you forget of everything for a while. And it might make you get over the accident years ago. Please Se Yi. I am really using it for myself. I only want for you to be back like always. That will make me very happy so please just let me.”

I stopped to think for a moment. I know how our relationship is, and it’s been good but I really feel bad. It’s like I’m using him for my own leisure and I can’t do that. He worked hard for that money and I just feel bad to take that all away from him just for me to go to Paris. But seeing him beg to me like this, it just makes me feel even more bad.

I sigh in defeat. I hate it when I lose to him. ‘Alright then.’