December 21

Dr. Lee looked at Hye Jung who was weakly lying on her sofa, her eyes red from crying and she looked paler than the last time they met. “Are you sure about your decision, Hye Jung? You know they are not really mad at you, right? They just knew you were lying and they don’t like it when you keep secrets from them.” She told and Mrs. Kim’s sobs was heard again.

“They hate me. I can feel it, unnie.” Mrs. Kim cried. ”You should’ve seen their faces when they sent me off to the airport. My babies! I’m so sorry!!!” she wept and Dr. Lee massaged her temple before speaking. “You could just take the bus tell them everything, you know.” She told.

After their last meeting, Mrs. Kim called her and told her about the Maldives plan. The doctor was against it first since it was unfair for the kids to not know about their mother's situation but with Hye Jung’s pleads, she helplessly gave in. And after four days, here they are, at her house with Mrs. Kim sobbing and her 12 sons, clueless that their mom is just 5 miles away from them.

Of course, the day when Mrs. Kim told her sons that she wanted to go on a vacation alone didn’t go very well: Tao and Sehun was crying all night; Luhan looked like he would explode in any moment; Baekhyun blamed himself for their mom’s behavior, thinking it was his uality’s fault; Kris and Minseok was shocked and didn’t utter a word ever since; Jongdae and Chanyeol were awfully quiet too with Chanyeol just starring on the wall all the time; Jongin locked himself in his room with Kyungsoo and Junmyeon outside trying to convince him to open the door and Yixing, who was furious, knowing that she was hiding a lot of things to them and she won’t say it.

The Kim's December 17 ended with Luhan saying “I’m not talking to you until you say whatever you’re hiding.” and the twelve, disappointed and sure, that their mother was hiding something big from them while the mother cried in her room alone while the others slept in their own room.

“No. I can’t let them know I’m sick. They’ll just hate me more.” Mrs. Kim told. “There’s no turning back now.” She added. “It’s better this way. If I don’t survive the operation then they could just hate me and think that I abandoned them because of Maldi—OUCH!” Hye Jung whimpered when Jirin’s thrown slipper hit her leg.

“You know I love you and all, but you’re being incredibly stupid right now, Hye Jung-ah.” The doctor said and sat on the couch. “Those boys won’t even believe what you’re saying to me right now even if you tell that to their faces.” I’m sure they know how much you love them. “And I’m sure my twin sister won’t let you die or she’ll have to serve you as a chaperone to make sure you go to heaven.” She said before picking her phone up opening a text message her twin sister sent her.

“Now, stop crying and fix yourself, we’re going to the hospital and check if you’re ready for surgery and all that . My sister said that the tumor inside you could be removed easily but you’ll need months to recover and do some chemo to kill the left over cancer cells. Don’t worry; it’ll be on its minimum level so you won’t lose much hair.” She told and Mrs. Kim wasn’t even listening.

“MY BABIES!!!!” Hye Jung just cried the whole day even in the hospital and Dr. Jirin could only massage her temples.

OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~

December 22

The usually warm and lively house of the Kim’s was cold as dead ever since the mother left. The 12 silently sent their mom to the airport that morning without any complaints, tears nor emotions. Everyone were just quiet and the farewell was awkwardly long with Mrs. Kim hugging each one of them except from Jongin who stepped away when he was about to be hugged by his mom.

The eleventh son didn’t know why he did it though. Maybe he was just upset that their mother was leaving them without any valid reasons and abandoning them on holidays in such short notice or maybe he was just afraid that if he hugs his mother, he might not let go of her and start begging her to stay which is not his plan. After all, the twelve agreed on letting their mother go, not because they understood her or because they were mad at her. They just thought of giving her sometime to think and that maybe, when she gets back home, soon hopefully, she’ll tell them what was going on and they could all be happy together again without any secrets in between.

That’s what they all had in mind and thought they could do. But as soon as their mother entered the check in and Tao started crying in the airport while hugging his Benben hyung, the 11 immediately regretted their decision and wanted to just cry along with their panda brother but they managed to hold it in until they got home.

As soon as the twelve got home, Jongin went running to his room and Kyungsoo together with Junmyeon followed them knowing that the 11^th born will lock himself in his room. Tao fell asleep during the ride home and Minseok was the one who carried the 10^th born to their mother’s room and Sehun went up and slept beside his Tao hyung not wanting to cry anymore.

Luhan was in the kitchen, lifelessly standing in front of the fridge and staring at the note their mom stuck on it. It was mainly things they need to do like brush their teeth, eat breakfast and wear warm clothes. Junmyeon’s medicine time table and the name of the pills he has to take were listed too. Mama, what happened? His thoughts were interrupted when he felt someone wiping his face. It was Baekhyun.

“She’ll be back, hyung. Please be strong.” The younger said already sniffing. Seeing his manly brother, Luhan, cry made Baekhyun realize that they were really in deep right now and the fact that he couldn’t do anything pains him. Even his Luhan hyung was crying silently and he didn’t know what to do and he was sure that the others felt the same as well.

Luhan stared at his crying dongsaeng for a while and pulled Baekhyun into a hug. “I’m not crying, stupid. My eyes was just tired staying up all night.” He told even though he knows his brother was aware of his lie. “Let’s trust mom and wait for her. She’ll comeback.” He told his younger brother and the younger just nodded silently in his brother’s arms. I hope. "You're not blaming yourself anymore, right?" Luhan asked and Bakehyun replied with a muffled 'Not anymore' and the elder sighed in relief before pulling his brother closer. "Good, because you're not to blame." he told.

“Yah.” Jongdae playfully kicked the depressed Chanyeol who was sitting beside the Christmas tree staring blankly at the blinking lights. When the younger didn’t budge from his place, Jongdae chose to just sit beside him and admire the tree they decorated together day before the nightmare they were in started.

Amongst the 12, Jongdae was the one who didn’t show that much sadness. When their mom left, he sent her with a forced smile and with the words 'We love you Omma.' and until now, he was still wearing that smile. It’s not that he’s not sad. In fact, he was depressed and he cried in his room a lost every night before some of his brothers comes to his room to sleep. He felt like sobbing whole day and go to anywhere their mom went. But he stopped himself knowing that it won’t help their situation.

Instead of being down like his brothers, he decided to just it all up and be the light and strength of his brothers. He was well aware that everyone needed comfort and someone to lean to those days and he wanted to be the one to help them. So he just comforted everyone with comforting taps and hugs with that forced smile of his and say nice words to them to cheer them up which didn’t really work. But at least he tried right?

“Chanyeol.” Jongdae called and the younger didn’t respond. The happy virus, the one who always declares himself as Kim’s household’s vitamin was nowhere to be found and it broke Jongdae’s heart to see his family being like this. “You know omma’s going to comeback, right?” he told and still, no response.

Silence filled the house once again until Chanyeol finally spoke his first word in five days. “Mom, just took a vacation and will be back soon, right?” he asked his hyung still starring at the tree with his big eyes and Jongdae didn’t know what to respond. He didn't even know where their mom is and why she left.

The younger turned his head to his older brother with a sad but hopeful expression. “She still loves us, right?” he asked and Jongdae was torn by his younger brother’s sad voice but still swallowed that lump on his throat before playfully kicking his dongsaeng. “Of course, stupid.” He told with a chuckle which lit up the house a bit. “Omma just need sometime for herself, I think.” he told. “You’ll see, maybe she wouldn’t even get to spend Christmas away and just  back here running to us. You know how omma is, she won’t be able to resist us.” He told and Chanyeol stared at his hyung before turning his head to the tree again. “I miss her already.” The younger told and Jongdae could only agree. “Me too.” So much.

And that day, the 12 spent their day in their lonely cold house.

OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~

December 23

“YAH! Everyone!” Minseok went down from the stairs dragging the half-asleep panda and maknae to the living room. “Meeting NOW!” the eldest told and slowly, the 12 gathered in the living room, still wearing their pajamas, with the spirits low as the ground.

“What’s wrong, Minseok hyung?” Junmyeon, who was sitting on the sofa, asked as he covered the sleepy Jongin with a blanket beside him. “Jongin has a slight fever, so we better hurry up.” He told and the brothers looked at the 11^th born and Jongin just waved them off. “Nah, Hyung was just over reacting, what’s up, Minseok hyung?”

“Well, I was thinking… I don’t really know how to say this to you guys. But you know our mom really loves us, right?” he asked and the younger all nodded except Chanyeol who was back in dream land. “And that she was hiding something to us and it was really bothering her, right?” he asked again and the 11 nodded, Chanyeol woken up by Jongdae.

“Just tell us hyung.” Luhan scratched his head before reaching Jongin forehead to feel if the younger has a fever.

“I think omma shouls spend Christmas with us.” Minseok told. “It’s either she goes back to us or we go to her.” He told and some looked at him, confused.

“But didn’t we agree on giving her time for herself and giving her space?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Well, I don’t think neither of us can survive another day without omma. Some of us are getting sick, some are rotting in their room and some are like zombies and I don’t want mom to go back here to fix a funeral.” He told and they all agreed. The past few days were like hell to them and they were glad to the eldest’s words.

“But we don’t even know where she is. Maldives has lots of islands, and I don’t think we can make it on Christmas even if we go now.” Baekhyun told and Sehun sighed. “I told you guys we should’ve snuck that tracker in her baggage.” He told and this time, the 12 sighed.

“We can’t turn back time now can’t we?” Jongdae told and turned to the eldest. “So what’s your plan hyung?”

“Have you guys bought Christmas gifts yet?” the eldest told and they all shook their head.

“I was going to go with omma after she finished shopping but this happened.” Tao pouted and snuggled to Yixing and the elder comforted him patting his younger brother's back.

“Well, I think first things first.” Minseok told. “We need an excuse to tell mom on why we followed her. And I think that even though we’re not celebrating Christmas at home and mom is acting weird, some of our traditions must still be fulfilled. Well, at least the best gift tournament is still possible to do. So we’ll tell her that we went there so she can chose the best gift of the year. And since we’re already there she won’t kick us out.” He told. “We should go shopping for gifts and then meet up here at 6pm to pack things while Luhan, Benben and me finds us an available flight today.” “Is that okay for you guys?” he asked. “Or do you guys want to stick on the giving her ti--”

"NO! NO! WE'RE GOING!" the maknaes shouted and everyone agreed.

Wufan stood up and reached the folded blanket before covering Yixing, Tao and Kyungsoo with it. “I don’t think we will last long if we don’t see mama.” He told and glanced at Jongin who was coughing.

Jongin easily catch colds but knowing that his dongsaeng is sick and sad because they miss their mom broke his heart. Junmyeon was getting paler too so he decided to do everything faster. “I’ll get ready, you guys get ready too.” He told and went upstairs.

“Gege, let’s prepare together!” Tao followed his hyung and Sehun copied and the others as well. But when Jongin was about to go and prepare he was stopped by his Yixing hyung.

“Jongin, Junmyeon, you two stay home. Just tell me what do you want to buy and I’ll buy it for you.” Yixing told and the two, of course, protested and in the end, they will go shopping but with Luhan and Kyungsoo with them.

And with that the 12 went on shopping for their mother’s gift.

OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~

“Are you guys ready?” Minseok asked. Kyungsoo and Bakhyun double checked everyone’s things and they were now gathered in the living room with their baggage, ready to go where their mother was. "How's Jongin and Junmyeon?" he asked.

“Jongin still has a mild fever and the pharmacists said Junmyeon hyung’s blood pressure is low.” Chanyeol told and Jongin frowned at his hyung for telling while Junmyeon only smiled before insisting he was feeling fine.

“Do you think traveling far will be a good idea? I don’t want to abuse those two’s bodies.” Wufan asked with a worried face and the others, except for Jongin and Junmyeon, agreed.

“I will surely die if I don’t see mom, right now.” Jongin said and crossed his arms. “So we’re going weather you guys like it or not or you’ll be dealing with my funeral.” He added earning a hit from Kyungsoo. “Talk about funeral one more time and I’ll burry you alive.” The elder told and Jongin just pouted before letting out a childish whimper. “I’m sick and I want mom!” he told and Tao joined the pouting. “I want mom too!”

Before the whimpers and that nagging starts, Luhan sighed and spoke. “Alright, alright.” “We’re all going.” He said and fished his phone from his pocket. “But I’ll call aunt Jinri first to check Jongin and Junmyeon’s condition. She might give us something to keep these two breathing until we reached mom.” He told and tapped his phone.

After four rings, Jinri picked the phone up. “Ahjumma.” Luhan greeted and the others followed since the call was on speaker.

“o-Oh, my sweethearts! I was just going to call you.” The Dr. said, her voice was somehow different and Luhan felt something was wrong. “What’s wrong, ahjumma?” he asked.

“It’s your mom.” She told and the 12 froze. “Come to my sister’s hospital, right now. We need to talk.” She told and with that, the 12 went running out to their cars and dashed to the said place.

OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~ OUR BIG MAMA ~

“ cancer.” Jongdae repeated. His body was shaking as his mind processed what their aunt Jinri just told them. The others were already crying while some sat on the floor, shocked.

They were in her office and the doctor told them what was happening knowing it’s for the best for Hye Jung to see her kids before the operation. The past days, Hye Jung became weaker and weaker, not because of her sickness but because of sadness and longing for her sons and the guilt of lying to them. And because of that, Jirin and her twin Harin decided to tell the twelve and fix their problem before going in with the operation.

“I’m sorry it took me awhile to tell you guys about this. You know how stubborn your mom is and that pout of hers.” She told and the 12 couldn’t blame her because they really know it too well.

“W-where is she?” Wufan asked his eyes red as he comforted Baekhyun who was sobbing in his arms.

“She’s confined in one of the VIP rooms. We’re currently observing her condition and finding the right time to do the operation. But of course, I’ll let you guys meet her first and solve this drama before everything else.” Jirin told. “But I want you boys to be strong for her. I know you guys know why your mom insisted on hiding this matter to you guys and I just kind of realized and saw why.” She added and looked at the horrible twelve. Some were still crying and almost fainting while some were already itching to go out of the room to find their mother.

“She was right when she told me that you guys will be so shocked and the crying stuff. I’m surprised no one bursted out of the room and scanned the whole hospital yet.” She chuckled but no one followed her.

“Anyways, I know you sweethearts got auntie’s point. I hid her coz she begged me and I ended up telling you guys because I trust you guys to take this news calmly and become your mother’s strength for this operation. I believe that she rather see you guys smiling than those red puffy eyes. So you guys better do something about it. I have eye drops in that drawer so you can use that.” she said and the boys nodded at her words not wanting to dissappoin their aunt.

“And please don’t get mad at her anymore.” She told and turned to Luhan and Jongin, who were frozen on their seats knwoing what they did. “And you two should really make up to her. “You don’t have how many litters of tears she cried because her 'Jonginnie' didn’t hugged her at the airport and her 'Luhannie' didn’t spare her a single word.” She scolded and the two almost drowned in guilt. "So you. Kim Jongin, better eat well and take the medicine I prescribed you after you get out of this room and get rid of that fever of yours or else, I won’t let you see your omma, arasso?” she told and Jongin lowered his gaze before saying “Yes, autie.”

“And you, Kim Junmyeon. How could you abuse your body like that? You're going to be a doctor soon and how do you expect to cure people when you can’t even take care of your own anemia?” She continued with the scolding and Junmyeon could only apologize.

The doctor massaged her temples and looked at the twelve. “Aigoo. These boys.” she nagged before turning to Luhan. “Luhan. You better talk to your mom later. And I expect that you guys bought her those annual gifts you guys always prepare every Christmas because she was crying because she thought she won’t get them this year.” She added and the boys all nodded.

“Did you guys understood auntie's words?” she asked and the boys chorused a “Nae.”

“Good. Now eat supper at the cafeteria, get rid of those puffy eyes and smile for your mom. I swear if you guys cry later, I’m going to hit you.” she told but then chuckled seeing Kyungsoo's big wide shocked eyes. “Just kidding, I love you guys too much to hit you. Plus, Hye Jung will throw me in to the window if I ever did.” she added before sitting on her office table. “I don’t know where this words of mine are going but my point is just you guys should make your mother happy and that the operation has 90% of succeeding so you guys don’t need to worry.” She told. “I’ll tell you about further details about her state after your get together.”

“Thanks auntie.” Wufan and the twelve bowed at her and her just waved them off. “Aigoo. These boys, so mannered and sweet. Now I miss my twins.” she pouted and the twelve found a way to smile.

“Hows Kwangmin and Youngmin?” Sehun asked for their childhood friend. “They’re doing great. They said they’ll be going home tomorrow. I’ll tell those two to go pass here when everything’s settled.” the aunt replied with an excited tone and the boys smiled, happy for their auntie.

“No. go and eat. Aigoo my favorite nephews have gotten so skinny.” Jirin told changin the subject and shooed them out of her office.

“Thanks again auntie." the boys chorused and the doctor just waved it of. “Just be happy, you brats,” she jokingly said and some of the boys chuckled at their mom's best friend's attitude before chorusing a “Nee.” and went to the cafeteria and did what their aunt told them and mentally and emotionally prepared to see their mom.