“Sungmin-ah, go and get something for Donghae and his umma.” Umma smiled and said to which I eagerly complied with a happy nod.

I happily went along with Donghae but half-way to the cafeteria; I remembered I forgot my wallet in my bag back in umma’s room.

“Donghae, I forgot my wallet back in there. I’ll go and get it. You go and select what you would want to eat. And pick something for your umma as well.” I cheerfully said. I’m happy to see that umma has people to talk to now.

Donghae excitedly nodded and showed his crooked smile. He looks so cute, like a little kid. “I’ll get chocolate pudding! They sell yummy puddings here.” He clasped his hands dreamily and I couldn’t avoid the chuckle that escaped my lips at his childish behaviour.

I quickly ran back to umma’s room which wasn’t very far and was about to enter when I heard her faint sobbing.

Umma was sobbing…

My heart clenched at the sound of her weeping. I had never seen her so vulnerable. Almost never. I remember the last time I saw her crying was when she lost Sungjinnie. She was strong.

She has always been strong.

“It is painful, very painful. I’m hurting both physically and mentally.” she sobbed. “But I can’t show this weakness to my baby. He’ll break down.” she continued as her sobbing increased. She has been thinking about me all along… “He has no one other than me. He’ll be all alone after I leave him for the other world for good.” That sentence…

“He was barely ten when his father passed away in a car accident. And his younger brother passed away in a miscarriage due to the trauma I got by their father’s death.” I could hear her hiccup at this point. “He’ll…He wi-will... become an o-rph-an.”

Orphan…

Those children who I feel sad for, who I feel remorseful for… I’ll soon be one amongst them.

The way umma sobbed, the way she stuttered, the way her hiccups echoed through my ears, the thickness of her voice as a result of the heavy crying, it all gave me a reality check.

I’ll be left alone.

And umma’s time is nearing…

And all I could do to muffle my own sobs was to press my palms against my mouth as hard as I could.

I can’t stand here any longer. I can’t…

And I made a dash to the nearest male’s washroom, scurrying my way into the nearest empty stall and cried. Cried to my heart’s content. But my cries were still muffled. The tears never stopped. Not even the constant ringing of my phone in my jeans pocket could stop them. For now, nothing else mattered.

I don’t know how long I was in the stall; crying. But I managed to stop my tears, or maybe, the tear glands were unable to produce anymore of that salty water. My breathing was hitched. It took me a few seconds or minutes and deep breaths to gather myself. I got my face freshened up by splashing my face with warm water and letting the red colour of my eyes fade out. Donghae might be worried.

I went to the cafeteria using the elevators but couldn’t find Donghae anywhere. After inquiring the staff if he had showed up or not, they informed me that he had waited for more than ten minutes and left the cafeteria after helping himself with a few chocolate delicacies. Apparently, he not only got himself a mere serving of chocolate pudding but also got a cup of hot chocolate, a big piece of chocolate and blueberry flavoured cheesecake, a double chocolate chip muffin and chocolate milkshake for takeaway. Now I know why he is so hyper almost all the time. The guy is always high on sugar. And unconsciously, a loud chuckle escaped my lips.

I headed back to umma’s room on fifth floor and saw umma laughing heavily upon something Donghae said; or did, I assume. Donghae’s umma had buried her face in her hands but I could sense that she was laughing judging by the way her shoulders shook.

“And then appa goes all diva when girl group songs air on T.V. And he especially loves dancing on KARA’s Mister! Oh my god, you should totally see him when he tries to do the splits!” and he demonstrated the steps and splits of how his dad supposedly does them, all the while singing the said song.

The whole room including me, burst into laughter.

“Oh Sungminnie! Where were you? I waited for you in the cafeteria but you didn’t show up.” He slightly frowned.

“I was in the washroom. Sorry.” I diffidently replied back.

“Hmm… maybe