★— ExoticQueen
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
title: 3/5
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It's a nice title but I don't think that I'd choose this story to read just by looking at the title. Also, I have no idea how the title connected with the story... at all.
foreword and description: 3/10
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I'm sorry but in order for me to try to help you, I'm going to have to give my blunt and honest statements.
First of all, in your description, you switched from past tense to present tense.
O: Baekhyun was a silent kid, a wannabe photographer. One day he is confronted by four students from the school he attends.
Not only should you stick to the same verb tense, you forgot to add in a coma after your second heading. You should also get rid of the coma after 'quiet kid'. It's not needed. Just smoothly connect it with the word 'and'.
S: Baekhyun is a silent and a wannabe photographer. One day, he is confronted by four students who attends his school.
For your foreword, I took off points for not having one in general. It's important to have atleast a short foreword written so your readers would have a little sneak peak of what you're story is going to be like. It's also what readers go to when the description doesn't completely pull them in.
First of all, in your description, you switched from past tense to present tense.
O: Baekhyun was a silent kid, a wannabe photographer. One day he is confronted by four students from the school he attends.
Not only should you stick to the same verb tense, you forgot to add in a coma after your second heading. You should also get rid of the coma after 'quiet kid'. It's not needed. Just smoothly connect it with the word 'and'.
S: Baekhyun is a silent and a wannabe photographer. One day, he is confronted by four students who attends his school.
For your foreword, I took off points for not having one in general. It's important to have atleast a short foreword written so your readers would have a little sneak peak of what you're story is going to be like. It's also what readers go to when the description doesn't completely pull them in.
appearance: 4/5
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Pretty poster... but I didn't think that it fit the story's genre. In your story, it was a bit more... mm... what's the right word; monotone? and a bit on the slight, slight angst side.
Roses and the whole pink color just didn't seem to fit. Not to mention, you have 3 different font styles for your title. Kinda made me go 'woah~'
plot: 5/15
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Honestly... The sudden italics in the beginning, going from gray font to black but still in italics, then switching back to regular font. I wasn't sure if it was an old memory or maybe if you accidentally italicized it. Also, you kind of wrote the same sentence twice... I don't know what that's about.
Long blabbering cut short: I didn't know what the hell was going on. I have... never really read a story like yours... ever... is that a good thing?
originality: 5/15
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I was so lost, I really don't even know if this was original or not. I don't know if it's maybe because I'm stupid?
Iunno... my mind usually clicks right away about what the story is going to be like and it usually solves puzzles really quickly... but your story... wow...
Iunno... my mind usually clicks right away about what the story is going to be like and it usually solves puzzles really quickly... but your story... wow...
grammar and spelling: 15/20
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You use comas like cra~zy, girl! You write one action then put a coma, then finish it with another action. No need to be afraid of throwing in some fun words to connect the 2 sentences together.
Try to lay off the comas.
For your spelling, you had no problem with that.
Try to lay off the comas.
For your spelling, you had no problem with that.
flow: 5/10
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Okay... I'm still not over the fact that I'm practically mind blown from your story.
Let me try to get this straight. Baekhyun's lens falls off. Chanyeol finds it.
Chanyeol returns it.
Baekhyun kisses him.
POV suddenly changes over to Chanyeol where he admits that he's liked Baekhyun for forever.
Seemed extremely rushed to me. I mean... I think it was Baekhyun's first time actually seeing Chanyeol... then he kisses him?
Lastly, you said that Chanyeol was one of the 4 guys who was running after Baekhyun. And the 4 guys happened to mug Baekhyun... but then Chanyeol watched from the staircase, yet participated in mugging him. Just, whaaat?
wat.
characterization: 3/10
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I'm sorry, but I had no idea - just POOOSH -
Okay. so. Baekhyun is supposedly a 'quiet kid'. Got that down.
Chanyeol doesn't even actually appear in the story until the very end when there's like 2 paragraphs left. And all your wrote about him was that he was captain of the field and football team and that he liked Baekhyun. Oh, and that he had a cap and white shoes with green stripes on them.
Then an angel pops out of nowhere and starts chanting some voodoo and waving her wand around about how he should be aware of how dangerous it could be, getting into a relationship with a gold digger. Where'd she come from? Was she even important in the story?
Lastly, I understand that in the description, you said that Baekhyun is being chased by 4 guys. You didn't even explain the third boy who was chasing him. You just said 'the other guy was a soccer player'. If he wasn't important, why not just say 3 boys were chasing him?
*last thing! If Chanyeol liked him... why did he supposedly mug Baekhyun from watching him from the staircase?
Okay. so. Baekhyun is supposedly a 'quiet kid'. Got that down.
Chanyeol doesn't even actually appear in the story until the very end when there's like 2 paragraphs left. And all your wrote about him was that he was captain of the field and football team and that he liked Baekhyun. Oh, and that he had a cap and white shoes with green stripes on them.
Then an angel pops out of nowhere and starts chanting some voodoo and waving her wand around about how he should be aware of how dangerous it could be, getting into a relationship with a gold digger. Where'd she come from? Was she even important in the story?
Lastly, I understand that in the description, you said that Baekhyun is being chased by 4 guys. You didn't even explain the third boy who was chasing him. You just said 'the other guy was a soccer player'. If he wasn't important, why not just say 3 boys were chasing him?
*last thing! If Chanyeol liked him... why did he supposedly mug Baekhyun from watching him from the staircase?
overall enjoyment: 1.5/10
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omg, I'm sorry but I was so lost that I couldn't even enjoy the story and Baekyeol even happens to be my #1 OTP
total: 44.5/100
reviewer: channicki
reviewer's notes:
Sorry that I wasn't the reviewer you hoped for. I guess the reviewer you chose was busy.
&Sorry if the score is really low... I just... can't. This story is going to linger in my mind for a lo~ng time.
&Sorry if the score is really low... I just... can't. This story is going to linger in my mind for a lo~ng time.
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