I'm not a huge fan of character charts, but at least you didn't list everyone who was in it. Nice summary in the beginning.

Appearance: 5/5

II like the poster and starry background. Nice!

Plot: 10/15

I don't really see the connection from the foreword to the actual story.

Getting the conflict 8 chapters in is a bit too long to keep someone's interest. Try to introduce the conflict within 4 chapters. 

It's okay to use filler chapters, but I felt that the majority of the story was filler. Really nice though, about learning about the suicide.

Originality: 14/15

I hear way too much about EXO fighting over the same girl and showing it openly. However, I liked everything else. I haven't seen anything like it around this site.

Grammar/Spelling: 12/20

"Hearing such a frantic tone down was phone was new to you, you weren't use to this distant Aunt caring for you so much but you didn't want her to worry too much." Wow, what was "down was" suppose to mean? Used, not use. Also, cut it up! Too much information in one sentence and it sounds like a run-on sentence.

"They must of been" must have been, it's more formal and there is a distinction between writing and actually dialogue at times.

Don't put two "buts" in the same sentence. Never have two negations in the same sentence, it just makes things confusing. If you have to make your point, put it into two sentences. 

loosing, not losing

Characterization: 8/10

I loved how Yoonmi start realizing how she was comparing Kris to Chanyeol and thinking about them. However, the dialogue from the characters seem really superficial. Wouldn't Yoonmi wonder a little bit more about Chanyeol in the beginning? Character's feelings are pretty good, but they get impeded by the flow and grammar. Also they had acted realistically was unbelievable at times.

Flow:  2/10

I'm not a huge fan of 2nd POV unless it's pulled off well, not to mention you gave the main character a name. Giving the reader a name is not always taken well. Lots of people get annoyed by that way of writing in fact. 

You also switched POV's and had to state that. Since there was no evidence that in the beginning, you threw the flow off again. I liked the POV that you put up for Kris's POV_just keep it. You could do third person omnicient so you can describe what's going on for every character and still have that style acceptable. 

Are you doing present tense or past? You constantly switch it up, making the flow really choppy as well.

Putting thoughts in italics starting in the third chapter threw me off because in the first two chapters, you had incorporated them into your explanations. It not only ruins the flow, but it makes you look a little lazy. Try to stick to one technique so readers don't get that impression.

The part where you describe how Eunmi rejects Xiumin was slightly odd. Perhaps add more dialogue to describe the scene so it's more natural and it doesn't sound like you're spoon-feeding the reader.

Don't add pics or music directly in the text. I know you want to give your readers more of an idea what you're thinking of, but it's unprofessional and again disrupts the flow. Put it in the author's note.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/10

Why did you give away that Chanyeol was an alcoholic in your author's notes? You might as well leave people guessing on what Chanyeol's problem is.

Don't add pics or music directly in the text. I know you want to give your readers more of an idea what you're thinking of, but it's unprofessional and again disrupts the flow. Put it in the author's note.

Overall, I liked the idea, but everything was too dragged out and messy for me to enjoy. You probably would have lost me by the 3rd chapter.

Total: 66/100

aznawzmao's notes: Hi! I'm sorry this took me a long time, but I was busy and I tried to read your whole story. Take the flow with a grain of salt because I'm sure they are people out there who like POVs constantly being switched and don't mind 2nd person POV. However, most people I know who are really passionate about stories and consistently comment and give recommendations get irked by that. Also, for the grammar corrections, I didn't list where the errors occur (and they're probably not listed in the right chronological order of your story) because I want you to go back and read through your story to find them. Actually, just read your story. Writing is the not the same as speaking, but you have errors that don't even sound right spoken aloud. 

I hope you clean up the story so more people read it!