Sigh, I think it would be better if you extracted some exciting parts in your story instead. Because this sort of turned me away a little. Actually, the character profile was unnecessary. For a story, you don't have to know the characters' personalities beforehand (Direct characterisation) You should develop them, so that readers will be curious on that characters' personality. It would also make the characters come to life, more 'real'. 

Appearance: 4/5

It's neat! The poster, god it was better than the last! It's really good, hats off to the graphic designer! But it would be even neater if you stick to one colour for the words. It's good how the child was in between them, it shows how the child could somehow bring the two back together again, oh my god, a really pretty poster.

Plot: 12/15

Okay, I really liked it. 

Originality: 8/15

Not so original, but the helped you get away a little.

Grammar/Spelling: 13/20

You have to space after every punctuation/ellipsis(...)

E: hurt, love...and...hate?

S: hurt, love...(space)And...(space)hate?

There must be an apostrophe for every contraction. Contractions are: don't, won't, didn't, isn't, weren't

Examples: dont, wont, werent, isnt

Suggestion: don't, won't, weren't, isn't

If the word is a subject(a name of a person, a place, etc) It should be capitalized. 

E: mommy!

S: Mommy!

And also, it would be better if you reduce the usage of Korean. Unless you are writing a novel in Korean.

Next, after closing a conversation, the next word should be capitalized too. 

E: ...see mommy cry." he said.

S: ... see mommy cry." He said.

E: ... love you too mommy!" he replied cheerfully.

S: ... love you too mommy!" He replied cheerfully. 

Unless your dialogues end with a comma, the next letter should be a capital. 

Another dialogue problem: You shouldn't put '~' to express how the character feels. 

E: "Oh~~ OH MY GOSH!"

S: "Ohhh... OH MY GOSH!"

It's a bit laughable when you described the scene, like 'bounce up and down'. You could try, 'riding on him'.

And one more dialogue problem:

you lack the commas. 

E: " ME KRIS ME!"

S: ", ME KRIS, ME!"

Ok uh, awkward. 

By the way, guys don't have walls. Only girls and by 'walls', we meant the walls tightening around the guy's member. So you can only use them with females, not guys. 

E: "he felt his walls trying to tighten."

S: "he tried to get her walls tighten around him."

Characterization: 6/10

Not so much, only a little. I see that Ji Young is pretty lovely around others, but not Kris. And Kris is probably those cold dudes. Jung min's really cute! I liked how you portrayed his innocence.

Flow:  8/10

Okay, it would be better if you described how Kris, or the scene looked instead of replacing them with pictures. Writing is about describing a character and telling the readers, not showing.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

LOL WHAT... Yes it was really nice, but I hope the grammar will be corrected, especially the punctuation errors. And those weird things about guys having walls... 

It's my first time reviewing fics, but I do read them... uh fics or books...  Great plot anyways, hope you'll update soon! Good luck!

Total: 65/100