SPIN  OFF:  EXO'S  SeHun Dreamlover  is  an   EXOtic Maniac!   

                           by LeeHyeRi-ah 

Title: 3/5

I guess it's good advertising for people who read your other fanfic, but its length is intimidating to new readers, plus I don't really see the relevance to your story.  

Appearance: 3/5

The poster is cute! But your font changes vex me. Caps are enough to draw me attention, I don't need bold lettering to scream even more in my face.

Foreword/Desciption: 7/10

The grammar and wording in the description is kinda messy. You're missing the s in "bias's". I know, it sounds weird, but that's how you should actually write.
I'm not a huge fan of character charts. I should be able to read your story and figure out who your characters are through it. But considering how some reviewers take major points off for not having a character chart (crazy people >.<) I letting this slide a little. 

Plot: 10/15

It's kinda slow, to be honest. Maybe it's due to another category (keep reading) but I can't really tell what you're leading up to after the first few chapters. -flips through chapters- Well okay, I have to give it to you that it's fairly action-packed. But I feel like you linger on events for too long sometimes. The past should be referred to at times, but it shouldn't take up too much space.  

Originality: 9/15

I think your idea for how you start your plot is really overused. I see a lot of these kind of stories where an EXO fan gets to hang out with EXO or something and I don't bother reading because I don't want another cliched story. I do like the events and relationships like your best friend is the wife of the singer, and the confrontation after the CF was probably the cutest thing I've read. But honestly, if other cliched stories are like yours, I don't think I regret too much passing over small gems like those.  

Grammar/Spelling: 17/20

You have some run-on sentences and tense mix-ups, where you don't conjugate the verb into past tense. Your spelling and grammar is fine though. Keep up the great work! ^_^ 

Characterization: 3/10

Do people really react that way around former best friends? Honestly, either I would be ecstatic or I would pull a cold shoulder, not make fake threats. That might just be me, but because of that I found it hard to relate to Yura.
Honestly, I felt like almost everyone was a bit shallow. If they had a deeper side and this was just a facade, there should have been a hint that I could clearly pick up on. But I never saw that. I'm not saying you can't have shallow characters, but there should be someone who is dynamic.  

Flow: 9/10

You left each chapter with a cliffhanger that nicely led to the next one. It was a bit choppy from the present to the flashbacks, but sometimes that can't be helped.  

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10

I think I managed to like the story halfway through, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. I think it's because I felt like the characters didn't come to life and I couldn't really see the message.  

Total: 67/100

aznawzmao's note: Hi! Thanks for requesting! I'm sorry I couldn't completely read your story chapter to chapter, but I got sick and then there were exams-anyway, I thought you would want your review soon. I hope these tips will get you started, and I highly recommend getting another review just so your story can keep on improving. Thanks again! ^_^ 

reviewed by aznawzmao