Title : 2/5

I don't know if it's spelled differently where you live, but most people are more familiar if 'whoof' was spelled 'woof.'

Also, it's not very eye-catching.

Foreword and Description : 7/10

Nice foreword and description, but for your description, I think you should change:

"But everything can be changed when it has a home."

to

"But everything could be changed if it got a home."

Appearance : 5/5

Plot : 13/15

Originality : 15/15

Definitely it something new. Props to you.

Grammar and Spelling : 9/20

You used a lot of incorrect verb tenses and added way too many comas. 

Mum was barely breathing, I could see the steam coming out of , which was becoming one with the rain, I was hearing her heavy breathing. 

Instead of a comma, use a semi-colon (;) instead. "I was hearing her heavy breathing" is something completely different with the sentences that came before, but also connected with it.

"I was hearing her heavy breathing" doesn't fit in with the sentence. You changed the whole verb tense. It should be:

"I heard her heavy breathing."

I think you should change "I got my head out a little bit" to:

"I stuck my head out a little bit."

"I runned as fast as I could..." should be:

"I ran as fast as I could..."

"I was barely seeing through the rain..." should be:

"I was barely able to see through the rain..."

In the distance, through all of the darkness and drops, which blurred my vision, I saw an abandoned building. 

Firstly, you add too many comas. Don't be afraid to say the sentence outloud to yourself. 

You can actually combine most of your sentences.

In the distance, through all the darkness and drops that blurred my vision, I saw an abandoned building.

See? ^^ Instead of using a coma, try adding a word to combine the two fragments together.

Also, change all the word 'feet' to 'paws', since the character is a dog.

"At the moment I stopped my feet collapsed..."

suggestion: Right when my paws stopped, I collapsed...

Change the word 'skin' to 'fur'.

"So you waked up" 

Suggestion: So you woke up.

Disbelieve should be disbelief

I was going to look for shelter but I've passed out from exhaustion.

Suggestion: I was looking for shelter but I passed out from exhaustion.

"... still continued breathing heavily." 

Suggestion: "... still continued to breath heavily."

'the boy say.'

change 'say' to 'said'.

no more.

correction: any more.

continue

correction: continued

He just smiled and continued to pet me, until I was asleep again, dreaming a wonderful dream, where mom was sending me love from the sky, and me and my new owner were living happily.

Suggestion: He just smiled and continued to pet me until I asleep and dreamed about my mom sending me love from the sky; then about me and my new owner living happily. 

I knew that I can live from now on.

Correction: I knew that I could live from now on.

The only one that takes me home and save me.

Correction: The only one that took me home and saved me.

'so everything will be alright.'

I think to end the story smoothly, you should write.

"I knew that everything was going to be alright."

Flow : 10/10

Characterization : 10/10 

Overall Enjoyment : 9/10

Total : 80/100

Reviewer's Notes: Good luck on the contest!

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E.G.'s notes!

hi! i'm E.G.! i'm here to remind you of crediting the shop and the reviewer. i'll keep an eye on your stories! /mehrong

thanks for requesting! :)