❊ OnewLuhan
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
❊ the mute singer
title: 3/5
It revealed a little too much. The reader would see it and say, "oh, it's just about some singer who can't sing." and there's a 50/50 chance they'd click it.
foreword and description: 5/10
your foreword was everywhere. you're author's notes should be separate from the summary. in some cases, character charts are good, but in your story, i think that it was unnecessary. L.joe should have been kept a surprise.
In the description, it says, "She is long forgotten, I mean who would remember her? With just an average face, okay dancing skills, and a plain singing voice who would?" If that's how Rin is, then how in the world did she become part of a girl group? Last time I checked, you had to be extremely talented even accepted in an entertainment company.
appearance: 4/5
Yes, the poster was a tad misleading. But other than that, it fit the mood perfectly.
plot: 7/15
I think the readers needed to know how she lost her voice. Was it a disease? Did she over sing her vocals? What happened? (can always search up some answers on google)
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In chapter 12, the last part said, "I think I'm slowly opening up to him..." A person doesn't usually say that about themselves. They probably wouldn't notice at all. So maybe you should take that out?
In chapter 21, Jiyoung texted "...Anyhow how did the meeting with L.Joe go?" If I can recall from the previous chapter, Rin didn't even say that she was meeting up with L.Joe. She vaguely answers " Just a ... person I know." so she didn't say she was meeting up with L.Joe to Jinyoung.
In chapter 27, it said (from Rin's POV) "I nod, having seem to lost my voice." ironic how Rin already lost her voice, huh? So you might want to change that to something like, "I seemed lost at words."
originality: 14/15
I haven't read a story quite like this, yet. It's cliche how she has dreams of becoming a kpop star, but i like how you added the 'mute' part.
grammar and spelling: 17/20
There were many spelling errors, as in where to capitalize the letters, so I highly suggest a beta reader if you don't want to look over your work.
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In chapter 26, you seemed to have used the word, "latter" wrong. It seems that Rin wanted to leave at the moment, or was trying to. In the options, she said, "Should I leave or stay?" The "latter" option would be the second choice. So that would mean she'd stay? I'm not sure if you mixed up the two, but switch it around so they make sense. (:
You probably shouldn't color code the thoughts. Especially since you used "eye-soaring" colors like light blue. It can be hurtful to the eyes sometimes because it's so bright. You should keep everything the same color, you know what I mean? For their thoughts, you can put an asterisk ( * ) before the thought. But try to not have so many thoughts. It gets unnecessary.
When writing, I strongly suggest you don't use the little sgwiggles/waves ( ~ ). It doesn't represent anything in this type of writing. It's okay if you reply by text or something using it, but when a person speaks, can they really go ' ~ '? lol
Oh, and I prefer you don't write in centered text. It should start from the left. But if you wanted to glam your text up, you could always use a story layout. ^^ Exotic Grounds' layout shop offers some pretty cute ones. :D
flow: 8/10
The chapter's length was inconsistent. One was long and one was short.
You needed to add more of the setting in with the story. It was mainly only made up of dialogue and actions. So if you could lengthen some chapters up, It'll be good. ^^
characterization: 9/10
Your characterization was pretty good.
However, Rin's character is supposedly cheerful, bright, optimistic, open, etc. But, if she was closed up all those years, not wanting to talk to her ex- Paradise members, that would be described as closed up, and sad. Also, if she was optimistic and open, she would've talked to Chanyeol easily without getting so mad with him at the beginning. She judged him when she barely knew him. That would be the opposite of optimistic, which is pessimistic.
overall enjoyment: 9/10
Without all that stuff, I loved the story. It was cute. This is probably one of the longest reviews I've done and it's most likely because of how much I enjoyed your story. (:
total: 76/100
reviewer: rlab_exotic
notes: Sorry if I sounded too harsh. But I think you're a really good author. Keep it up, yes? ^^
reminders:
01. don't forget to credit us. :)
02. use our work for at least a month.
03. comment after picking up.
04. like the review? upvote us now!
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