❊ xhiimee
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
❊ water fountain
title: 3/5
simple. i can see that your title revolves around your main characters' first meeting place. but it doesn't catch my attention or get me interested that much.
foreword and description: 6/10
i don't think you gave a good summary. you stated "i fell in love with you instantly." i'm not sure how you defined 'instantly' there, but i thought it was something like love at first sight. that's not what your story is, though. they hated each other, so that line in your foreword contradicted the story. also, credits go at the end of the foreword of description. describing the characters is a no-no. you should be able to develop them as your story goes on.
appearance: 5/5
great posters are great. i love the overall appearance of your story.
plot: 10/15
i can't see much of the plot yet, but i have some theories of how it will flow. i have 2-3 ideas of how your story will continue. that just means your story's plot is predictable. but no one really knows how will you go on with your fic. it's all up to you.
originality: 10/15
since i already have some ideas, i can say that the story isn't that original. these ideas were those that i've read before. but again, no one knows what will happen next. you're just beginning to spice things up. adding twists and turns is still possible.
grammar and spelling: 15/20
there were minor mistakes like spelling and a few grammatical errors.
you wrote: "goes by kai"
correction: "goes by the name kai"
you wrote: "he's a member in a bad boy group, naming themselves: EXO-k."
correction: "he's a member of a bad boy group, naming themselves exo-k."
you wrote: "its a new start.. haneul."
correction: "it's a new start, haneul."
you wrote: "your parents weren't there for you anymore, they divorced and went their seperate ways. leaving you with your auntie."
correction: "your parents weren't there for you anymore. they divorced and went their separate ways, leaving you with your aunt."
you wrote: "and it seems so that our lockers are right next together..."
correction: "and it seems so that our lockers are next to each other..."
flow: 10/10
the flow was perfectly fine.
characterization: 7/10
baekhyun's character was already clear, just like kai's. you fell short of your lead, though. i can't quite tell what her personality is and how she thinks. since she's the main character, work on making her traits bolder and more visible. making it with mostly her point of view should help, if you're comfortable with it.
overall enjoyment: 6/10
two chapters aren't enough to create conflicts between the characters. i didn't enjoy it that much because of the lack of exciting twists. but i'd love to review it again once you have a few m ore chapters.
total: 72/100
reviewer: thederpchanyeol
notes: sorry for the late review. hope it isn't that harsh. :))
reminders:
01. don't forget to credit us. :)
02. use our work for at least a month.
03. comment after picking up.
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