Title : 3/5

It's good, suited the story fairly well.

Foreword and Description : 5/10

This part is confusing. But after reading it the second time, I realised the 'I' was Lay. I think you should have written everything as Lay's POV from the start. The sudden switch to Lay's POV on the second paragraph was weird.

Appearance : 2/5

I liked the poster, but it was irrelevant. I mean, you could either have Lay and Yifan in it since they're the mains, or all of the characters you've created. Placing Lay, Kris, Suho then D.O was sort of random to me.

Plot : 11/15

Good plotting, but the prologue/foreword/description could have been better.

Originality : 13/15

Quite original.

Grammar and Spelling : 15/20

Aside from a few grammar errors, and 'weird' sentences, it's fine. 

Here are a few examples. 

"You idiots, you could have been caught! You should thank us, really,” he laughed." How can they laugh when the situation was this serious, and this horrifying? How about trying, " he gave a weak laugh. 

I didn't understand this sentence either. 

"But then, if it was duizhang’s name I would’ve betrayed, I don’t think I would be able to say it either."

Did you meant, "But then, if I were in his shoes and if it were to be duizhang instead of Se Hun, I don't think I would be able to say it either." 

You should rephrase it, sounded confusing.

"I hysterically pounded and cried for help, but no one but Luhan could hear me."

You should add in a few more words. Like, "I hysterically pounded onto the glass upon realisation, but no one except Luhan could hear me."

Flow : 6/10

This, 

"replaced by the one controlled by a leader who possessed greed." How did they knew it was greed that caused them to be kidnapped? But on the other hand, you told the readers that it was actually jealousy/envy that brought them to this. So this part went nowhere. 

And the part when mentioned, "chinese people," Xiumin and Jongdae are Korean, or probably they mastered Korean well and are chinese. Could do some developing at the front.

Characterization : 8/10 

Yep, I liked it! The way Joonmyun changed from an angelic father to a demon kiddo. 

The others were nice too, like the mains. 

Lay has a soft heart for everyone, and hesitates when told to kill Joonmyun. 

Kris has a strong personality, but inside he's weak when he witness his brothers' death.

Overall Enjoyment : 7/10

OH it's so good, though it has been a while since I last read an action fic. Jeez, just! You should be tortured for leaving a cliffhanger there! A sequel is a must, okay jokes aside. I hope you'll go through your fic again after a while, then you can probably spot a few commas and full stops mistakes. And there wasn't a need to remind readers as a Kray fic, you could just tagged them. It would be more interesting :) Though I don't have a strong impression on Lay's feelings but others instead, this sure is a fine story. Keep it up!

Total : 70/100

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E.G.'s notes!

hi! i'm E.G.! i'm here to remind you of crediting the shop and the reviewer. i'll keep an eye on your stories! /mehrong

thanks for requesting! :)