❊ wooyoungismine
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
❊ movies have happy endings
title: 3/5
I'll be really strict with this review, okay?
First, of all, I just want to say, movies do have happy endings. However, stating that it does doesn't really affect the story at all, because it's just a phrase that doesn't really relate to the story other than the movies part. We already know that movies do have happy endings, what about what happens after? To be completely honest, you should have picked something else, something more descriptive to keep the audience entertained and excited instead of just satisfied. I think "When Harry Met Sally" should have been the title than the current one. You should always aim for the best.
foreword and description: 5/10
It was too blunt, you should always pick something that always drags the reader into reading your fiction, so there's an increased amount of people that are interested. Try quotes from the movie you mentioned, or something similar. You should always looks for something new for your forward/description!
appearance: 4/5
It was good, the appearance was clean and easy to read. Although, picturing the story happening was really hard for me, try using more descriptive words, use a thesaurus or a dictionary if you need to, just make it so that the reader understand the setting thoroughly. Try using adjectives, verbs, and references.
plot: 9/15
You could have thought of something more creative to spice it up a little, so that it won't be as tiring to write it. I find that using this type of relationship is hard, and I understand that because the whole band with them right now. You could have done something to make them leave or go somewhere. This was really plain and you should always start by having a really good game plan, so that you can keep the reader interested.
originality: 9/15
This was very vague and used quite often, I'm afraid. I did appreciate the way you made it end by Kevin trying to get over him but I think that this was finished roughly and rushed. Therefore, it were harder for the reader to find this different from a lot of other fictions. I didn't really particularly like how the cinema scene went because of the plot. It was already told in the forward/description, and it just kind of spoils everything for the reader, sorry.
grammar and spelling: 11/20
The actions bugged me a LOT. It kept bouncing from action, to action, to action, to action. It got me really confused about what he were doing at the moment and to picture the scene. Just stop to relax the tensity a bit, because all of the actions make the story seem fast paced.
flow: 4/10
It went by really fast, descriptions, the actions, the dialogue, everything really. Just really slow down and take the scene to grow. Sure everyone knows what a cinema looks like, or can at least have an outline, but it's nice to know what it looked like because all theaters look different, so just take the scene and wrap it around some solid adjectives. It takes a lot of time and hard work, but I swear it's worth it!
characterization: 5/10
As I said earlier, on the flow, I also think that applies to this also because, sure, everyone knows what Kevin and Eli looks like or feels, but let's just take it down a notch to let the knowledge from their lives sink into our brain, because who knows when this was? Like you referred to the performance in Malaysia, when was that and how did it go? Little things like specific words help make the fiction better, little by little, piece by piece to stack up to a conclusion of a concrete scene.
overall enjoyment: 5/10
I was kind of disappointed at the amount of work it made you look like you put into it. I know, it's really hard to make a quality fic, but hey, what is a quality fic anyways?! All we can do right now is work harder and improve on our writing.
I know I seemed really mean on this, but I swear this criticism really just came out because I was sort of irritated today. ㅠㅠ And I'm sorry if this wasn't thorough enough, I tried my hardest, but I didn't want to use examples to make you confused.
However, I hope to see you improve on your writing and blossom into an amazing author that many look up to! Thanks for requesting here, I hope to see you soon. ㅅㅡㅅ/ ~
total: 55/100
reviewer: raelin
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