Title : 3/5

The title is quite intriguing, enough to make me click on it at the first glance. After reading what you've written so far, I still haven't seen the connection of your title to your story. You're just starting, though.

Foreword and Description : 7/10

I found some mistakes, which I will point out later. The summary, just like your title, was interesting. Reading it made me think of it as a good story with a good plot.

Appearance : 5/5

I. Like. It. Good thing you used a very nice story layout. ^^ The poster is really awesome, too.

Plot : 11/15

You have a pretty good plot. It's interesting to know that Sehun and Luhan already met before and now, they bumped into each other again. I gave an average score since I quite have a grasp of your whole plot. Yes, it isn't clear, yet. A few more chapters and it's okay.

Originality : 12/15

I'm confident that I haven't read something like this before. Sure, I've stumbled upon similar scenes, but that's just it. The originality is there. Good job.

Grammar and Spelling : 11/20

Okay. So, one of your problems is your inconsistency of tenses. It's important to stick with only one tense/form. Well, it still depends on some factors, but consistency is a major thing to consider in order for your story to be clear.

You wrote: "Yeah, that words to describe a high school student, Oh Sehun."

Correction: "Yeah, those words describe a certain high school student - Oh Sehun."

Being specific is also important.

You wrote: "He has so many things another teenagers could dream of."

Correction: "He has so many things other teenagers could dream of."

You wrote: "He rarely laugh, smiles, angry, neither shame."

Correction: "He rarely laughs, smiles, gets angry, neither shame."

You wrote: "Looked disgustingly at the snow that fall to his shoulder, he swept it off with his black gloves-covered hand."

Correction: "Looking disgustingly at the snow that fell to his shoulder, he swept it off with his black glove-covered hand."

You wrote: "Sehun looked up boredly to saw a gold brownish hair waiter stared at him with eyesmiling."

Correction: "Sehun looked up boredly only to see a golden brown-haired waiter staring at him with an eyesmile."

You wrote: "He don't know, maybe the walk would changed his life from now on."

Correction: "He doesn't know. Mayver the walk would change his life from now on."

Flow : 7/10

The flow wasn't that stable. There were times I found it fast, some were suddenly slow. I'm sure you can work on it better.

Characterization : 8/10 

Overall Enjoyment : 6/10

Total : 70/100

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E.G.'s notes!

hi! i'm E.G.! i'm here to remind you of crediting the shop and the reviewer. i'll keep an eye on your stories! /mehrong

thanks for requesting! :)