s e o u l d r e a m _ e u n j u n g }
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SEOULDREAM_EUNJUNG
the story behind the camera
title: 3/5
The Story Behind The Camera is catchy and it gives curiosity to the readers which I liked. The thing is, it's pretty common. A title never heard before and unique is more interesting.
foreword/description: 7/10
It seems fine for me, it gave enough details. The Characters are well described. The plot at the foreword is nice, you made the readers to look forward to it. That is a style, I know, is very good! ^^
appearance: 2/5
I liked the poster, cute and fluff and it represents the crackship of the story but it should have the camera on it since it is on the title. Another is the sentences' arrangement, you don't need to put a big space. Because it does not look like a usual story but a poem. Well, I think you do that to make the chapter longer... Tip here, you can talk to the readers as the 3rd pov by elaborating some things..
for example:
Instead of,
Everyone starts to glare again at eunjung when suddenly, the professor asked a question and Eunjung is attentive in listening.
(note: I corrected some grammar errors from that sentence from chap. 2, if you noticed.)
You can add:
Eunjung wasn't like the other students after all, she knows what is the right thing to do unlike her classmates who are disrespectful and careless.
plot: 10/15
You could make more twists in the plot, because that is what makes it exciting and boyish girls and girly boys are all around yet you have made it nice and fluff, very interesting.
originality: 12/15
I will give you a 12, you have mixed the girly boys and boyish girls and stardom life. It might not be new, but I loved it.
grammar and spelling: 10/20
I am very strict regarding this part because this is the most important for me. This part affects the management of how you deliver the story.
You should stay on the tense you use.
As Eunjung sitted down, someone tries to approach her but unfortunately, Tunjung tried to avoid as she look out the window.
Correction:
As Eunjung sits down, someone tries to approach her but unfortunately, Eunjung tries to avoid, as she looks out at the window.
It can make complications regarding the sentence. By the way, if you are using he/she you should have add -s on look since its present and even its past you could have added -ed. The correction is there already.
I think this one is the same with the other one..
Everyone is in shocked, even the professor who doesn't used to it was in shocked. Correction: Everyone is shocked, even the professor who is not used to it was in shock.
Two major errors, you cannot say 'Everyone is in shocked.' yet you could have said 'Everyone is in shock' or 'Everyone is shocked.' the problem is obvious. Tip here, try to read the sentence if it sounds good, you'll know and realize the error automatically.
For the punctuation marks, I noticed some. Advice, do not put too much independent clauses in one sentence.
Don't start sentences with but, as, when etc. or the conjunctions/connectors. Always start a sentence with a capital letter.
You do not have much errors when it comes to spelling. Keep it up!
flow: 9/10
I like it, you retrieved from the grammar and spelling. For me, it isn't too fast not too slow (i dont know for the others but its my review! XD). Fits the story and plot. In my opinion, continue it in that way.
characterization: 8/10
One word: Well-said. The characters showed the personalities given at the foreword. Although, you really have a lot of mysteries XD pretty good. XD
overall enjoyment: 8/10
I love the plot. I love Jangwoo.. /slapped. XD
total: 69/100
notes: I hope I helped you. Your story deserves reads and subbies! You're good with interacting with the readers XD Love your cliffhanging sometimes :D Lovelots!
reviewer: PreciousSerenity
remember: comment after picking up! :)
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