Title : 2/5

Firstly... if this story is going to be around ten chapters, I will have no comment. But if it's ending soon... I don't see you connecting your title with the story. The sightless part about Seohyun and Luhan have yet to appear yet. But if your story is going to be long, it's okay I guess(so that it can progress) I do hope you to emphasize of the 'sightless' part in soon.

Foreword and Description : 5/10

It's... how should I say this-- well, the way you wrote-- the flow, it isn't that great. And I think it would have been better if you added a few interesting scenes in. Your description didn't say much.

Some changes you can make (grammar):

"by a few creamy clouds there and there."

Suggestion:

"by creamy clouds here and there."

Clouds cannot be counted, therefore we don't use 'a few'. You can replace it with 'some' if you liked.

"Her eyes couldn't bare the brightness, forming tears as she closed them again."

Suggestion: "The binding life was too strong as tears enclosed in her eyes. She closed them again."

"By the time she was sure that she got enough strength to view her current location, her eyes slowly opened and tried to observe the scene."

Suggestion: "It was not long when she regained her sight again, this time, she felt better and was able to view her surroundings. She begun observing the scene."

There's not much mistakes actually, just some rephrasing from the awkward sentences.

Appearance : 3/5

It's neat. But the poster, I think it's better if you request from the others, I didn't do a great job. The main characters didn't stood out much.

Plot : 12/15

Plot: It would have been better if you describe the scene when she was knocked down or something, like power?

Originality : 12/15

Grammar and Spelling : 12/20

"always believe in herself"

S: "always been confident of herself"

"She pushed the unfortunate thoughts aside,"

S: "She pushed aside those demoralizing thoughts of hers,"

"done checking them severely."

S: "went through a thorough check before."

This part, 'toward her' and 'towards the back of the stage'. There's a difference actually. 'Towards' are normally used in British English, while 'Toward' is used in American English more commonly(applying to singular subjects.) So please check through and decided which you prefer. For plurals like 'they', we use 'toward' regardless of it being used by the British or American. Cause it's more than a subject.

"give any signature of his existence... ...."

S: "give any familiar assurance of his existence... ..."

"he was absence... ..."

S: "he was absent... ...."

"before placing themselves into two roles,"

S: "before lining themselves up into two rows,"

"was assumed to be the criminal."

S: "was a suspect."

"her there in unharmed way."

S: "her unharmed."

"in the neighbor"

S: "in the neighborhood"

"through the rain"

S: "in the rain"

"The pack of busy road and loud, noisy rain tamed her,"

S: "The busy traffic was loud, and the pattering of the rain kept her hold,"

"to approve that,"

S: "to prove that,"

And others for you to go through.

Flow : 4/10

You tend to cramp lots of words into a sentence, and its a little suffocating if you write like that. And as you can see from the grammar, the vocabularies were wrongly used, so it became weird.

Characterization : 7/10 

I can see that Seohyun isn't friendly to strangers, but warms up after knowing more about them. 

For Luhan, I can't really see much though. But he's a kind, soft guy?

Overall Enjoyment : 6/10

Your plot is interesting, but there's something missing when I read it. Probably some excitement? You can rephrase certain sentences to make them sound interesting.

Total : 63/100

 reviewed by acebabiesunite 

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E.G.'s notes!

hi! i'm E.G.! i'm here to remind you of crediting the shop and the reviewer. i'll keep an eye on your stories! /mehrong

thanks for requesting! :)